PeOpLe aReN't WhAt tHeY SeEm

2006-10-25T21:37:00.000+08:00

I have officially moved to my LJ, so I won't be using this blog anymore. Ask me if you want my LJ URL. (: ~~Although I wouldn't recommend you reading it if you're a homophobe.~~

2006-10-08T21:45:00.000+08:00

damn, girl.
how'd we end up here?

i have learnt something: there IS a correlation between blogging and tagging after all XD the more you blog, the more people tag. LOLL. replies to tags:

von: awww thanks, sweetheart (: i shall bring for you to watch tomorrow. nyaha, you'd like it cos it's got all dbsk songs and no other music :D haha okay i shall bring the yes!! mag tomorrow too, ~~if i remember that is~~ XD yeaaaah, omgaah i want dbsk to come so BAD. i don't think se7en is coming to singapore any time soon, he's gone gallivanting in america ): i still get to see him in the yes!! mag, though -grins. i hope dbsk comes for mtv asia awards and i hope the awards aren't anytime nearing our promo exams :X if they are, i will just scream ):
ofjunk: haha YAY MY ENTHU FILMING PARTNER IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY!! XD nyaha you could try and persuade melo if you want. i think it rocks too, but it's not exactly relating to the theme see ): but womg yowzaa i love our mv so much. we should do mvs for fun! let's start a filming society in jc, really XD
cellie: hahaha a bit the wrong blog right, cellie?! but yes i get your drift. OMG YES LAST NIGHT ROCKED! ~~(that sounds wrong but nvm).~~ let's play some more jungle speed, duuuude (: haha and i have blackmail material now: cellie was utterly defeated by my dad's curry! don't bluff, i saw you standing there going "omg hot, i can't eat anymore" XDD
sharm: aha yeah! omg but seriously, i really hope i won't be like that if i become a parent. but there's no telling is there, they say having children makes a woman turn all cuckoo )): ugh whatever, we will try our best. HAHA.

as cellie so aptly put it, HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY RHEA!!! yowzaa the party was fun ((: JUNGLE SPEEEEED. and the food, omg the food. the thing people never forget after going to one of rhea's parties is her mom's FOOOODDD (or rather, F-O-D, twinn XD ). i totally stuffed myself, i was so full that i sat there gaping at the pasta like a goldfish. twinn was staring cos my mouth kept opening and closing and my eyes were transfixed with the pasta (OMG THE PASTAAA) and my brain was in a state of confusion. my eyes were sending frantic little signals screaming "AAAH WE WANT MORE PASTA!" and so was my tongue, but then my stomach kept protesting and in the end my stomach won out ): ah well, rhea's mom invited me back another day to eat some more XD bridge and jungle speed are LOVEEEE ((: especially when you play with bobo and sarah, haha it's absolutely hilarious cos sarah is so fast when it comes to jungle speed and so ~~slow~~ not as fast when it comes to bridge. during jungle speed, it's like there's some program hardwired into her brain that tells her to snatch the wooden thing whenever she sees the arrows pointing to the center card! it's amazing to see, really. before anyone else knows what's happening, she's already snatched up the thing and put her cards in the center. XD oh, and cellie erkor & i suspect that jiening is secretly a gambling addict ;D

we had a D6 CAMWHORING SESSION! sam wasn't there though ): so we used rhea's stuffed toy snake to "represent" her, LOLL. we did the number poses again! but this time all of us lay on the floor, which was my brilliant idea because i astutely noted that putting the camera on the floor and setting it on timer with all of us leaning in a circle over it just made everyone's chins and torsos look really, really fat :X lying on the floor is much better, ~~albeit scandalous-looking~~ XD to quote cellie, we looked like we were all scandalling on the floor cos there wasn't much space so our heads were together in a circle but the rest of our bodies were splayed all over the furniture XDDD ack then cellie and erkor said something really stupid to offend me (HUMPH!) so they both had to pei zui by getting on one knee and offering me cake ~~(omg i didn't expect them to REALLY do it)~~, and rhea's dad took photos! hahahahhaa. OMG I WANT THOSE PHOTOS XD and all the rest of the photos we took too. lolll, i just realised we have group photos saved all over the place: my camphone, cellie's camphone, rhea's camphone, and rhea's dad's camera. ah well, we shall somehow find someway to collate XD

omg there were multiple anime moments, i shall go draw them out as chibi and scan them in sometime. anime moment #1:

erkor is standing at the table ladling curry into her bowl. cellie comes up and throws herself on her back.
cellie: CHERYYYYYLLLLL~ (if i knew how to insert heart signs here, i would).
erkor: ?! (hand shakes a bit and curry gloops down off ladle) (makes annoyed tching noise)
twinns: (are amused as erkor asked for this earlier by scandalling with cellie)
rhea: (gives everyone a shock by coming up from behind and hugging cellie) I CAN SCANDAL TOO~~~ (heart signs again)
twinns: (back away into far corner)
twinn: omgosh twinn, you can feel the electricity radiating off them! BZZZ (makes funny hand gestures)
me: aaaaah yeah i know, how scandalous!
twinns: (together) EAAAAGGHHHH ~~ (make anime-ish shuddering motions with both fists brought up to chin)

XD

anime moment #2:

we've just finished the d6 camwhoring session, and erkor has just said something very wrong about the way i look in a photo (HEH HEH DIE).
me: AAAAAAAAAAAH CHERYL TEEEEOOOOO YOU DIEEEEEEE~!! (grabs at her hair)
erkor: (buries face in floor) aaaaaahhhh sorry!!!
me: (flops on floor and buries face in floor too) (wails) EEEEYAAAAH.
erkor: (pops head up tentatively) sorry xiaomei sorry xiaomei!!!
cellie and twinn: (cackle evilly in the corner)
me: (silent for verrryyy long time)........
twinn: (starts giving suggestions to erkor about how to "get off with a lighter sentence")
me: (sits up suddenly) AAAAAAAAAH!!! (starts hitting erkor on the head with stuffed toy snake) SHINCHASHIRO SHINCHASHIRO SHINCHASHIRO SHINCHASHINCHA SHINCHASHIROOOOOOOOOOO~~!!!!!!!!!!! DIE! DIE! DIE!
erkor: (gets hit repeatedly on head by snake) AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHH!! (flops down and buries head in floor again) MIANNAE! MIANNAE! MIAAANNNNAAAAAEEE!
cellie and twinn: (look very shocked)
cellie: OMG DAMN SCARY LA. she was quiet for so long! then SUDDENLY -
twinn: hurr hurr yeah.
both: (back away nervously towards door)
cellie: heh, cheryl you die. (giggles and backs away some more).
me: CELESTE YEO, YOU STARTED ALL THIS! (hurtles towards cellie waving snake)
cellie: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (tries to hide behind twinn)

okay, that was just XDDDD we just all went crazy and high and hysterical *____* i love rhea's house and i love d6! :DDD

2006-10-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

MY FATHER ABSOLUTELY REFUSES TO WATCH THE LAST ONE THIRD OF MY MUSIC VIDEO. AND WHY? BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING PREJUDICED AGAINST THE IDEA OF SUICIDE. LIKE WOW, GASP EVERYONE, THERE IS ACTUALLY ANGST IN AN MV. SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL HIM THAT ONE OUT OF EVERY THREE MVS INVOLVES ANGST/DEATH/SOMEONE DYING. I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. I SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT AND AND PASSION (IF I COULD DOUBLE-CAPITALISE NOW I WOULD) DIRECTING THIS THING, AND HE FUCKING REFUSES TO WATCH IT? JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE IN IT KILL THEMSELVES? LIKE HUH, AREN'T WE AS CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO BE NON-SUPERSTITIOUS? I SHOULD'VE NEVER EVEN SHOWED IT TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. THEN I WOULDN'T FEEL SO FRICKING UNDERAPPRECIATED. HELLO, I SPEND WEEKS DIRECTING AND ACTING IN THIS THING WITH MY FRIENDS AND YOU BLOODY WELL COME IN HERE AND DISS THE IDEA??! NOONE, I REPEAT NOONE (ANOTHER DOUBLE-CAPITALISATION) HAS THE RIGHT TO DO THAT. TO CRITICISE SOMEONE ELSE'S WORK JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL BIASES IS LIKE DISSING SOMEONE'S BABY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THING AGAINST CHUBBY CHEEKS - IT'S NASTY AND IT MAKES NO SENSE. I AM VERY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY OWN FATHER WON'T APPRECIATE MY HARD WORK AND EFFORT AND OH FUCK, YOU KNOW I'M NOT JUST A RESULTS MACHINE?! I CAN DO OTHER STUFF TOO AND I ACTUALLY FEEL FOR SOME OF THE OTHER STUFF I DO! LIKE THIS! WHY CAN'T HE FUCKING APPRECIATE IT. OR AT LEAST NOT FUCKING REFUSE TO WATCH IT!!! SHINCHASHIRO (TRIPLE CAPITALISATION). I NEED SOMETHING TO DO. I SHALL GO LOOPPLAY HYDE SONGS. OR SOMETHING. I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME HOW GREAT OUR MV IS. I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. OH WAIT NO I DON'T. I WANT A PLAYSTATION 3 SO I CAN GO BUY SAMURAI WARRIORS OR FF13 AND GO KILL RANDOM WARRIORS/ SPACE MONSTERS WHEN I AM ANGRY AND PISSED OFF LIKE NOW. I WANT TO KILL SPACE MONSTERRRRRRS. OH FUCK. I NEED TO FILM.

):

2006-10-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

cos i can't stop thinking about you girl;

YAY! daddy bought me hk's yes!! mag ((: it's written in canto though, so i kept running to his room to ask him how to read this word or that word. i haven't read canto writing for a reaaally long time. come to think of it, i haven't been to hk lately either. ~~hmm, time to go stock up on more jill stuart.~~ aaah but this yes!! mag has been like the find of the month, seriously. hk's media is so much more updated than singapore's. they have everything from se7en updates in america to the latest kamenashi kazuya dramas (they even have tv schedules for japanese channels), as well as the w-inds showcase in taiwan, and articles on the jangriln + xiah + hankyung + shiwon collaboration for the timeless mv :DD it's a really small mag though, but AT LEAST THEY HAVE ALOT (: in relation to its size, no singaporean mag could ever hope to compare. tsks. omg no wonder kpop/jpop people all don't like to come to singapore ): if they judged their popularity by the media, they'd think they had barely any fans at all. haha but we all know that in our school, that's far from the truth ;D aaaah i scanned in photos of se7en and kame, uploading them onto lj now cos imagestation is down (DANG). maybe i'll start using my lj account like sometime soon XD i scanned in a photo of this new guy called dean fujioka as well, cos he is ZOMGAH TEH CUTE (and he looks abit like kame) :DD

oh, and they ranked the k/jpop idols by popularity (in hk, of course):
#1. w-inds
#2. kamenashi kazuya
#3. yamapi
#4. SE7EN!! (awjkljdjdlr; why isn't he #1?!)
#5. rain (yowza, but at least he beat rain -grins.)
#6. lead
#7. lee junki (YAYJUNKISARANGHAE.)
#8. WaT (teppei loooove (: )
#9. some person whose name i don't know how to translate
#10. others

you know after seeing this i realised two things: 1) w-inds is amazingly popular in hk, conclusion: hkers like cutesy people (this also explains why WaT is in top ten); 2) DBSK ISN'T ANYWHERE THERE. WHY WHY WHY?! ))): -sobs. and neither is suju! strangely, suju and dbsk are mentioned in the mag though, and so is kangta. but obviously jpop is a lot more popular there than kpop is, so oh well whatever XD oh my, and keita is all grown up now, isn't he (: after i'm done uploading the pics, i shall copy them here from lj. (call me ulu, but i have no idea how to upload pics onto blogger) :X there's a pic of keita screaming into the mike, ryohei's trying to copy him, and ryuichi just looks kind of blur *____*

i think erkor and i have kickstarted a new tradition: we sing suju's miracle before getting back every paper XD ~~the irony is immediately obvious.~~ like before getting back physics on wednesday and chemistry yesterday, siyun and i were holding hands and singing miracle. ~~(actually i was singing, she was humming.)~~ XD then today before getting back chinese, yvonne and i were singing miracle. and the teachers refused to give us back the paper till they finished going over the whole thing (surprise, surprise), so we both got so bored that i took out my miracle lyrics and helped yvonne memorise them. ROFLL. she memorised the whole chorus by the time we got our papers back. haha i think yesterday was the funniest cos when we were about to get physics back, siyun and i were going slighty kooky cos she kept chanting "jaejoong" and i kept chanting "teppei", and then later we switched to singing/humming miracle and U by suju XD ~~although we both only knew one line, so we just repeated that one and hummed the rest.~~ nyahs and today while waiting for chinese papers, i was sitting between von and siyun so we were going hysterical and fangirling in the middle of the hall over charissa's dbsk jaeho printouts. we made more noise than the people in front did when they saw a cockroach on the floor XD

yay! the scans have finished uploading (: but they look pretty small compared to the actual scans. lj scales down, i guess. click here (http://malyntine.livejournal.com/411.html) to see :DD random footnote: erkor and i learnt something very important about takashimaya today!! LOLL. XD

call me willy whistle cos i can't speak baby,
something in your eyes went and drove me crazy.

2006-10-05T19:58:00.000+08:00

life couldn't get better,
nan neoul pume ango nara

warning: reading angsty shihan fics (or even jaemin, in retrospect) while listening to any type of music is an absolute NO-NO. even if it's a dancepop song like U by suju; especially not if you're reading a suju fic. suju song + angsty suju fic = potential tears :X i think it's hearing hankyung's voice with the cute funny accent while reading about his cute funny accent. or rather, the reason behind the cute funny accent. omggggg, i really hope hankyung's dad wasn't actually that strict on him when he was young )): OMG NOW I FEEL SO SAD FOR HIM. and shiwon is so sweet! i officially crush shiwon! :D ~~along with donghae, kibum, and hankyung that is.~~ aaah i love the writer, she writes like me but different. fwah, how do you explain it? but she really does write like me, just... different. more detail, perhaps. (:

we got back yet more results today - chemistry marks. should be okay overall, depending on the spa marks. it was kind of... mediocre, i guess. i'd better not let some people catch me saying that, but then again it's only how i feel. (twinn's right, i should really start using my livejournal account so i can lock entries.) ah speaking of twinn, i'm happy for her though (: she did so well for bio, that prat. tsks. who says i'm competitive, eh? i'm capable of being happy about other people's results okay. ~~even if it's only one other person XD.~~ should be getting back chinese tomorrow; i wonder, whatever happened to our english pt marks? :X the english department always takes forever to give us back our papers. i bet ct lost all our commonwealth essays, it's a good thing i asked her for mine earlier. ack and i don't think we're gonna get our bio pts back any time soon, because ms lee just started marking and apparently she is the first bio teacher to start marking pts.

updates: O is the new rising sun!! :DD and i'm simultaneously addicted to multiple songs, for once. listening to 127 days by kangta & vanness now; it's like their only ballad and it's so emotionally manipulative womg it makes me feel all emo and angsty and then i think about annoying, nagging stuff that i've trashed at the back of my mind for a really long time. self-implemented pain. oh fuck, it must be that angsty fic i read; makes me go all angsty and shit. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW, GO AWAY. it took me a long time to slowly numb myself from your presence, so stop bothering me, please.

i think i'm going cuckoo, i'm actually talking to my thoughts. how did we end up here? you know it's funny, i just miss you so much. i still remember holding you, kissing you. omg i swear, imma go and memorise the lyrics for the rest (aka the korean parts) of 127 days. it breaks my heart ):

noui mamwi munul yoro
jwo, geudae nae sonul jabayo

2006-10-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

breakin' and shakin',
cos i can't believe
you seem to blame it all on me

listening to JTL's greatest hits cd now ((: i've only heard the first 5 songs, but so far it's really techno compared to generally mellow-poppish bands like DBSK and Suju; a lot of those weird mechanical disco-ish sounds. it's kind of... H.O.T-ish, but then again that's only to be expected since woohyuk was from H.O.T before it disbanded. oh wait, the other two were from H.O.T too i think. haha, ask shakira she's the expert on these things. ooooh there's this really ballady song called from fan. heh, that explains the title. aah i like the tune (: i just wanna let you know, that i still love you so. anyway the reason why i'm writing this entry is mainly because...

i've realised something really, really sad. i don't know how to tell guys from girls anymore :X to be fair to myself, this isn't really my fault entirely (besides having watched too much anime and obsessing over too many androgynous k/jpop guys) because in singapore, it's kind of hard to tell nowadays. okay wait originally technically theoretically, this wouldn't be hard in singapore because one just needs to go by the strict rule that any remotely pretty-looking person is a girl, even if she doesn't dress like one, doesn't speak like one, doesn't act like one, and seems to have a girlfriend. but then k/j-poppers like myself have kinda gotten used to the OTHER strict rule that applies in the k/jpop world: assume automatically that everyone with a flat chest and pants is a guy. (of course there are exceptions where some guys *ahem yunho ahem* have moobs, but in general this is a fairly reliable rule). as expected, subscribing to this mindset can result in very confusing circumstances in the real world. seriously, i don't even dare to form any sort of opinion about anyone i see on the street any more. (i can only imagine how awkward it'd be if i nudged jessie and told her "look! pretty boy! (:" and jessie turned to me and went "that's a girl, mel!", omggg.) :X a perfect example would be today when i was walking home from the bus stop after tuition and i saw this couple on the overhead bridge. one was definitely a girl, and one was i-don't-know-what. now usually when people say i-don't-know-what in this kind of situation, what they really mean is "my eyes told me it was a girl, but my brain refused to believe them" but in this case what *i* mean is really that i seriously do not know. because common sense would tell you that you don't get good-looking (and slightly androgynous) guys in singapore, not with hair that perfect and clothing style that impeccable, but this is exactly when all your k/jpop experience comes up and jabs you in the stomach with a very sharp elbow. except you cough out not blood, but the greatest virtue of them all - HOPE (in aforementioned situation, this equals DOUBT). maybe, just maybe, there are prettyboys in singapore? (ones that aren't gay, that is.) maybe, just maybe, one of the prettier jap/korean ones migrated to singapore instead of america, canada, or alternatively south africa?? maybe is such a sad and misleading word. omg all us k/jpoppers are destined to live a very confused existence in the not-androgynous-yet-possibly-androgynous land of singapore )):

i just had a very wendy-like thought (i'm sorry, wendy, but it really sounded like you) XD judging by how shuai the butches in singapore are getting, and how you really cannot tell nowadays, does that mean you might end up having a boyfriend who is actually a girlfriend, just that you don't know that he (i mean she, i mean he, i mean... ??) is actually a girlfriend (gasp!). it is possible, isn't it, from a purely speculative point of view. except that wasn't really how wendy would have phrased it, haha. omg speaking of wendy, WE NEED TO DO STORYBOARDING FOR REFILMING ON MONDAY. everybody crack your brains, chop chop! (no pun intended).

i just wanna let you know,
that i still love you so
na eui pa ram eun sarang
haneun neo hana poon ya.

2006-09-29T22:21:00.000+08:00

suki na mono wa suki daakara shouganai!!
sukisyo - sora x sunao, yoru x ran (:

omg sukisyo is so adorable, yvonne shakira and charissa agree XD okay the following will be a rant (not a bitchy rant, a contemplative rant) so ignore it if you don't know what on earth i'm rambling on about.

groups are better than individuals. why? because when you love the group as a whole, you never stop to think about every single person that much. sure, you love them all as well, but of course there will always be some people you don't get all that up close and personal with. and when you divide your time by a not-so-random constant k, each person gets full divided by k of your attention, so no matter how much you give you will never pay full FULL attention to any one person. so although you love all of them, there is a kind of blissful ignorance attached to that love. you will never have to deal with just one person, and everybody knows that two people in a room becomes a crowd sooner or later, no matter how big that room is. (unless those two people are twinn and i, of course, but shit now i'm digressing). then when it comes time for the peas to disperse from the pod, you are forced to come to terms with dealing with one other pea and one other pea only. there is no general amusement, no group joke, no collective jolting around of peas in a seed pod. cos we're out here now, and there are a helluva lot of birds pecking around for peas (not to mention evil lima beans). and then this one pea who's landed in the same grassy patch as you, it suddenly looks different from the way it used to look in the seed pod next to all those other peas. and then you as a little innocent pea begin to wonder if dropping out of the seed pod has dented/somehow metamorphosized poor pea #2, or whether she was always that way, just that you never actually had the occasion to examine this closely and therefore never realised it. which is a scary thought when you come to think of it, because she was one of your favourite bestie peas back in that cosy pod and realising that you never knew what pea #2 was like underneath kind of gives your memories of the pod a slightly unpleasant twist. not to mention that although all your fellow pea buddies still love you and you still love them, they're scattered pretty far away and it sort of hits a sore spot that YOUR grassy patch has the most birds and evil lima beans hopping around.

i miss the pea pod ): and i'll always love my favourite peas, no matter where the next dispersion takes us (:

seishun amigo.
kamenashi kazuya.

2006-09-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

you, doing that thing you do
breaking my heart into a million pieces
like you always do

it sucks when you want to get things done but some people are just so fucking unavailable all the time (which actually isn't their fault but whatever). then you get this email saying that you should check the church website for your photo and so fine you click on the link to find that whoop-dee-doo your photo really was chosen to be posted on the church website and you look terrific! in fact, you look like a complete PIG. you fill the whole picture and squash your friends on both sides! you're worse than the piggiest person you know! (well, almost). and right when you feel like killing yourself (or at least the fats), some people just don't know how to take a hint.

sometimes it's just not the right time to provoke me, alright? you should learn a little sensitivity so you won't make me feel so fucking constipated when i have to deal with your carefree brand of self-centredness. and then i start thinking about a whole load of bullshit, to be honest, but it still makes me feel like a rag doll thrown into a whirlpool. ~~you're just standing there watching the doll swirl and drown.~~ i feel like complaining to shawn but he's not online and calling him always complicates things because he's a good listener but he always asks awkward questions that i don't feel like answering :/

kor just offered to send me some do as infinity song to cheer me up, but i informed him that happy songs further depress me when i'm having one of "stanley's little moments" (go read "going postal" by terry pratchett). for some absurd reason though, w-inds makes me feel happier and a lot less like chucking up my dinner. i ate less than half a bowl! AS USUAL. SO WHY AM I SO FUCKING FAT STILL? i dread stepping out of the house tomorrow to go to wendy's house for filming, mainly cos i know i'll see countless typical singaporean girls with skinny legs and no breasts. seriously, it irks me that they can walk around in hotpants and tubetops and not look like an oversized dumpling gone wrong. tampon-thin bitches ): it makes me want to revert to last year's diet all over again.

which of course doesn't mean people can just assume i'm not eating lunch though, because i could always change my mind and want to eat after all. i hate it when people assume that just because they don't need something, then you don't need it too. you know why? because it reminds me of the retards who always bitch about you when you're disappointed with your marks but they think that you should be proud as punch. i mean, it's like who the hell are you to tell me what marks i should be happy with? you can bloody well mind your own marks, thank you very much. then it annoys me the MOST, when people you've known for eons suddenly flip over to the dark side and side with pig-headed idiots. i know four people who would very strongly agree. then again, said people may have changed their minds but people like me and said other 4 people actually have FEELINGS. i know it's an unfamiliar concept, but feelings can be hurt and although hurt feelings heal quickly (especially mine: i have a motto similar to the "don't get mad, get even" one; it's "sorrow may be bitter but revenge is sweet" - this is what having william blake's "the poison tree" as a favourite poem for years does to you), trust that is betrayed does not un-betray itself as quickly.

OH FUCK I STILL FEEL FAT AFTER A LONG, RAMBLING RANT. and the worst thing is, i desperately want ice cream. i can't begin to tell you what a vicious cycle it is: you look fat in photos, you get depressed, and you pig out like crazy, then you feel even fatter and you mope about starving for days then finally you get all PMSy and feel so sorry for yourself that you just need to eat something. and then you eat and feel ten times fatter and the cycle of fatness starts all over again. i hate you and you and you and you, and PEAAACE (sung to the tune of taebin and se7en's "how deep is your love"). how deep is your love? ohgod, i am so PMSy today. i just want to kill myself, like seriously. who would care anyway? you for one don't give shit. fuck you. fuck the world. i need anti-depressants.

cos we, could be happy can't you see

if you'd only let me be the one to hold you

and keep you here with me

i try and try to forget you girl,

but it's just so hard to do
every time you do that thing you do.

2006-09-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

and all the roads we have to take are winding,
and all the lights that lead us there are blinding

netball carnival today! it's actually quite fun to take shots of the players with the school's SLR camera (: it's very tiring, though. not as tiring as the actual players of course, but still my arms ache from carrying the camera and the fingers of my right hand got cramped in position cos i was gripping the cam for so long. ms dtan (the cca tchr, not the principal) came down to give me a few pointers as well. she's really nice! haha, and funny too. i think she's the kind of teacher that gets along well with students. and it's quite admirable that she's good at photography although she's a math teacher. oh wait, or maybe math has something to do with photography after all. the angle and light and all :X

went for class dinner after nball carn, and after dinner at first i kind of felt very... @#&!*#/. firstly cos rhea came up with the idea of dedicating a song to D6 during nball carn, so we both dedicated "stacy's mom" which was like our signature song in sec one and two. (we used to shout it across the room at stacy). i wish they played the full song and played it louder though, cos it kept getting stopped halfway and you couldn't really hear the lyrics. but it was still great to hear it as D6 again (: cos rhea and i ran over to find cellie (who was blur and didn't hear the dedication till we pointed it out), then erkor (who has excellent hearing ~~due to her bad eyesight~~) came ~~hurtling~~ running towards us and overwhelmed all three of us with a bear hug. LOLLL. we almost fell over, and i suspect we provided free entertainment for quite a few of cellie's classmates, heh. then we went hunting for sam and twinn, and all six of us sat in front of the court watching the teacher-student match. somehow, that moment when we all sat there together sweaty and exhausted watching the teachers play felt more to me like D6 than the D6 outing itself. and suddenly there was this acute feeling of... i don't know, loss?

because just two years ago, rhea wouldn't need to sms me to tell me that she'd had a bad week and wanted to talk to me, and she'd actually be able to talk to me right away instead of telling me that she didn't know if we'd have the time, and erkor would never have "tried to be neutral" between me and some random non-D6 person, and cellie wouldn't have been so annoyed (i don't think i ever saw her that annoyed in sec two) at the way some things worked out when i went sobbing to her on the phone. in fact, i wouldn't have been sobbing to her on the phone two years ago. just two years ago, when the teacher said "form groups of six" we never needed to move, it was just a look tossed from one D6 member to another and then we'd all sit there stoning till the teacher asked us to move to one place, then we'd all gather at the back or the right where twinn and sam sat. just two years ago, i didn't even know it was possible to cry over a PT because to us PTs meant that we got to slack till the very last minute then all crash rhea's house for a day (as well as OMG YUM dinner) in which we'd get everything done. and because we worked so well together, we always scored the highest though we did stuff the latest XD (okay that was damn ego, but excuse me please i'm reminiscing.) just two years ago, i almost never cried or even felt like crying because no matter what happened, i knew that there would always be someone there for me; even if i wanted to cry, there would always be a shoulder to cry on. even if the person who annoyed me was a D6 member, the next day i could always go straight to another D6 member (usually rhea) and tell her about it and we'd always sort things out. and now i just feel like kneeling somewhere rainy and dramatic and screaming at someone to give me my fucking two years back, because now they're gone and bloody shit i want to cry now so i shall just forget about the rest of the organized post i planned mentally in the shower and stupid erkor didn't come to class dinner and options are starting tomorrow and i miss D6 so i think i really will cry bye.

there are many things that i would like to say to you,
but i don't know how
cos maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
and after all,
you're my wonderwall.

2006-09-10T15:18:00.000+08:00

if i lay here, if i just lay here
would you lie with me, and just forget the world

OMG I JUST HAD TO BLOG THIS. the following is a conversation which took place between my maid and i halfway through a random korean drama serial that i flipped to after glitter was over on channel 5 (btw you guys have to watch that, i never used to like mariah carey but after watching glitter i was like whoa. ~~plus the guy is hot~~) :

me: (staring at the screen trying to figure out what's going on as there is some babyfaced prettyboy watching a couple fight) hey! he's cute! (i meant the adorable kind of cute)
maid: (passes by carrying laundry) OH! that one kwanwoo!
me: huh, him? (points at screen) you know him? what is this man, i don't even know him.
maid: yes! he come myanmar FOUR TIMES! (holds up four fingers)
me: OMG WHAT? he go myanmar FOUR TIMES??
maid: yes, yes! many many (emphasis on the word "many") korean come myanmar!
me: (completely loses it) WHAT. why don't they come to singapore?! did eric go to myanmar? (sidenote: my maid knows eric from shinhwa. she calls him "eric-shi", damn pro la).
maid: yes, come! ALL come!
me: (is on the verge of fainting) many people in myanmar like korean [stuff]?
maid: (looks bemused) WHOLE COUNTRY like korean!
me: (faints, wakes up and jumps around shrieking about why noone ever comes to singapore, except shinhwa now, and even se7en and his YG people went to the states instead).

okay, this is just plain unfair. oh and btw i was serious about watching glitter. i feel so loseur now, cos i actually sat there and sobbed like an idiot when dice died ): even though they never actually showed him dying and the main character only found out from the news. and then the part when she sang the song she wrote for him, omg i think my shirt got soaked cos i was using it to cover my face :X i'm gonna go look for that song, mariah carey's voice is like pure gold. oh yay, i found it :D it's called "never too far". oh and i absolutely crush eric benet. like more than i crush dice; eric benet's stage presence is like :XXXX

Never Too Far - Mariah Carey

You're with me
Till the bitter end
What we had transcends
This experience
Too painful to talk about
So I'll hold it in
Till my heart can mend
And be brave enough to love again

A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace

Oh... never too far away
I won't let time erase one bit of yesterday
'Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
Though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
When I remember

Glittering lights
Incandescent eyes
Still preserved in my mind
In the memories I'll find solace

Oh... never too far away
I won't let time erase one bit of yesterday
And I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
Though we can never be
I'll keep you close to me
And I'll remember

A place in time
Still belongs to us
Stays preserved in my mind
In the memories there is solace

Oh... never too far away
I won't let time erase one bit of yesterday
'Cause I have learned that
Nobody can take your place
And though we can never be
I'll think of you and me
Always remember

Love...
You're never too far.

but i was timid like a child,
inhibited and way too shy

2006-09-07T18:00:00.000+08:00

you're cinematic razor sharp,
a welcome arrow through my heart

[rant follows]:
some tips for all you wannabe fashion photographers out there (or fine, maybe just one of you) : never, never insult your models by dissing their legs and stomachs and faces and shoes and pretty much just anything and everything about them. especially not when said models are admittedly at least prettier than YOU, contrary to your biased and honestly very blind opinion. also kindly refrain from wasting our precious time taking act-cute japanese popstar wannabe photos of yourself, then comparing these monstrous creations to shots of your models and heckling away to yourself while saying "see, i'm still the chioest of them all". and then when your models come up to you and go "since you're so fucking chio, why don't YOU model instead?", you laugh patronisingly and go "oh, i never said i wanted to be a model". oh yeah, like we said we did? sometimes the majority wins eh, and not like it's my fault that you weren't paying enough attention to be part of the voting process but too bad cos other people were and they chose us, so it'd do you a world of good to simply accept things the way they are and stop sitting on the floor and shooting shoes/admiring your own fugly thighs. oh and by the way, some people actually have MORALS (not to mention some sense of self-awareness), so it's not really your models' fault if they refuse to pose in, let's say... provocative (read: KINKY) positions. not to mention with each other?! what kind of pervert are you anyway? look, there's something you should learn quick and learn it now: if a girl says she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. okay? a really useful tip, seeing as you're probably gonna turn lesbian some time or other and we wouldn't want you jailed for sexual harrassment now, would we? another thing you seriously should know is to work with your group members, for chrissake. you agreed to be part of the group, so stop looking over the fence and admiring how the grass on the other side is so much greener and juicier and crap. cos really, bullshit like "oh my gaaad, she's so chio she can be a model already. NOT LIKE YOU" just does not cut it. just because you got selected for some random mentorship program, you think you're all that. well, let me tell you right here and now, you sadistic cow: "not meaning" what you say is frankly a very pathetic excuse for dissing people, and a few years down the road you could get into a helluva lot of trouble for using phrases like "do it or i'll screw you". so stop being such a fucking pervert; you're lucky we're not both still in sec one or i would've had you choking to death in a second. sometimes it just doesn't pay to be mature with certain people. or rather, certain potential sex offenders.
[/end of rant].

okay, now i can breathe easy. anyway as you can probably tell, we had our photoshoot today and shakira did not show so i have nothing to say because i've said everything there is to say so far and yvonne and i are very annoyed so that's that. to cut a long story short, i now feel fat and ugly and incredibly short, no thanks to certain people as well as photographs of tampon-thin anorexic angmoh models with their collarbones jutting out at their shoulders?! let's just not talk about it. filming yesterday was much more fun (: bussed to wendy's house, yes for once i was not running an hour late and therefore did not have to cab there -awaits applause. and it's not my fault erkor reached first okay, because she was with wendy all along at class netball training. so after lunch we started off with my, err, dying scene. haha i think the balcony one was amusing though, especially the titanic bit where i raise both arms. but i guess it'll look better once we add the vintage film old age effect during editing. omg now i can finally understand why changmin felt so stupid doing his screaming thing during the rising sun mv. it really feels extremely redundant and silly to do ridiculously dramatic actions like that without the music playing XD so you have to sorta imagine the music in your head, cos there was no power source out on the balcony so we couldn't plug in the laptop and play tri-angle from there :X

haha i think i exasperated erkor and wendy with my exceedingly perfectionist tendencies. i'm sorry! damn, but i really think i should've done more takes. cos the indoors ones were quite messed up and all, but nvm. oh and i am ~~happy~~ ashamed to say that i majorly freaked erkor out by sitting on the balcony ledge and leaning all the way out backwards. seriously, i knew for sure that i wasn't gonna fall down! i have very good balance okay. and noone's ever fallen off a ledge accidentally before. um, i think. although admittedly it was quite dangerous cos wendy lives on the twentieth floor of her condo. my, my. so after several hundred takes for my jumping off scene, we did erkor's psychiatrist scene where she erupts during a counselling session and throws random objects (cushions) at the psychiatrist (wendy). in the direction of less breakable objects in the living room, of course XD omg seriously, wendy is so amusing as the psychiatrist. erkor and i just burst out laughing at her "oh, security~"; you can probably see that the camera shook cos i was laughing so hard. and i was trying so hard not to laugh at the main psychiatrist bits. it's what you'd call a time-filler scene, or rather a storyline-filler. it has no real purpose, but it needs to be there as a lead-up to the character's violent outburst in the shrink's office, or else the whole thing wouldn't really make much sense. i'm sure erkor had a lot of fun throwing the cushions around though - poor wendy. another time/storyline filler was erkor's typing scene. omg that was exceedingly tedious. her just sitting there typing away for a whole minute plus, and we're probably gonna cut it up and insert two-second snippets around her dying scene, mhm. haha but i loved filming our time-fillers though, they were the funniest parts to film. erkor sitting on the bathroom window ledge looking all dao and angsty, while wendy giggles hysterically behind pointing out how poseur she looks. oh and erkor finally understood why i looked so constipated on film at first, cos when i told her "okay now look angsty" she suddenly looked blankly at me and went "eh, how to look angsty ah?". cue another hysterical fit of giggles from all three of us.

and wendy's toilet bowl scene, where she sits on the toilet bowl (with the lid DOWN and her pants UP, mind you) and... angsts. -GRINS :D i'm sorry, but i loved directing her for that, and wendy is such a natural once you get her started. must be hanging around erkor and me all the time that does the trick XD we triggered her inner acting talent. ~~omg so ego.~~ i just needed to go "wendy, look in the mirror" and she looks like her cat just died. it's wonderful! i didn't even have to tell her to LOOK like her cat just died. it's CMtoWn power!!! :DD oh and afterwards we did erkor's dying scene, with the extremely sensitive issue of what knife to use. a toy knife would look fake, so we used... you didn't think i was actually gonna tell you, did you? watch our mv and see! (: anyway filming that scene required a lot of fake blood which stank up the room because honestly, fake blood STINKS. or rather, paint stinks. believe me, i had it like tattooed to the corner of my mouth by erkor, and a lot of screaming and shouting and trips to the lobby toilet ensued. because both wendy and (obviously) i noticed that erkor had applied red paint INSIDE my mouth as well, so we were both gasping about it and i was desperately trying to get it out. oh man and i always kena scenes where i have to get very err close to nature. last time it was when i had to hide behind the bush (and the leaf poked me in the eye!) and now i have to lie down in the middle of a grassy pathway ): it's a miracle i didn't get heatstroke, seriously, the sun was GLARING and we had to move into the shade to review the film.

ah and i will never forget the experience of walking through orchard dressed like the little twin stars' white couterpart. and erkor looked like someone's bodyguard cosplaying as se7en in his crazy mv XD wendy looked chio (: no, i'm not just saying that cos she's a wonderful host and let us use her ubernice house, heh. furthermore, erkor and i were both wearing shades so we illicited stares not only while we were filming in the middle of the underpass (we wanted to get the effect where people were walking past on both sides of erkor), but also when we were walking to orchard and back to wendy's place. haha to quote wendy, "it's interesting to see how people's eyes tick-tock", when they see erkor and i walking together, that is. mhmm it is interesting to speculate what they must be thinking, especially when you get to observe their reactions from within the relative safety of dark sunglasses (: and then erkor was like "hey, imagine if there was a reporter hidden somewhere there" and i couldn't stop laughing cos seriously, could you imagine us on the back page of Life! looking like two scandalous mediacorp artistes trying not to be recognised but failing miserably at looking "inconspicuous"?? it makes me wanna laugh all over again XD but really, after you get used to the curious stares and furtive whispers (when we were filming, old aunties who passed by erkor standing there looking like some dark ninja statue went "aiyooh, xia si ren le") it's actually pretty fun! it's like people-watching, but on a much larger scale. if we weren't so scared that the cam would run out of battery, i would've made it into a reality show! we could've had wendy walking nearby filming us and people's reactions to us XDD really, it was hilarious. erkor even suggested we go shopping in that get-up, but wendy&i were wearing mary janes so our heels were chafed and needless to say with the number of (BLACK) layers erkor was wearing, her whole face was flushed and i'll bet she was sweating like a pig.

oh and lastly, i must really thank wendy and her maids for catering to my... err, special needs (: just because i was allergic to the peanut oil her family uses, they went as far as to cook sausages in margarine so i could eat it, and like specially made spaghetti cos it doesn't require oil (you know, before that i always thought spaghetti required oil). that's just too sweet, really. THANK YOU WENDY, OLIVIA AND ALONA :D oh no i hope i spelt their names right :X then after dinner we stayed to watch jonathan my japboy sing on singapore idol and we caught dongbang's sky mv on asian mtv! omg i had no idea 7pm-8pm was k/jpop hour! aaah. and i certainly didn't expect them to show dongbang mvs!!! omg we were absolutely elated, and we all screamed non-stop. well actually the two of us screamed, wendy just blushed furiously -snickers (x

there is a darkness deep in you,
a frightening magic i cling to.

2006-09-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

또 두근거리는 가슴 떨리는
내 이런 마음은 너는 몰라

okay this is, admittedly, very late but... FINALS ARE FINALLY OVER! (no pun intended). i'm typing incredibly slow right now, cos i can't rest my right forearm on my armrest thanks to a humongous purple bruise on account of my falling down at twinn's condo on wed. ugh, it was raining, the pool tiles had no grip and neither did my flipflops, so WHOOPS goes the floor and BAM goes me on the stairs ): not a fun experience. good thing i landed more heavily on my right side though, so it's only the right side of my back that got the impact and not my spine. anywaaay, back to finals. they're not the FINAL finals, cos we still have one/two math tests and chinese o levels, but still quite final if you ask me. okay now i'm babbling cos really there's nothing much to say about the exams. they were... exams. the same last-minute ~~slacking~~ cramming with twinn at either one of our houses, the same intense wave of nausea before every first paper of the day, the same "good luck"s and handshakes before every paper, the same soundless rivalry. mhmm, what can i say. exams seem to be the only predictable event in life at the moment. of course, as my dad says, exams being routine to us is a good thing cos in uni we'll have an advantage over all the western students who didn't have exams crammed into a week during high school.

went to watch click at cine with shakira, yvonne, charissa, wendy, and athena after the math paper. gaaah, no free tickets for devil wears prada till next week ): sidenote: womggg i just realised that daphne from nehru's lsl team likes all the same jpop/kpop guys as me! how freaking cool is that; our school is such a k/jpop breeding ground -fangirls. click was pretty good (it actually made kira cry, so it's gotta be fairly touching eh). personally i was quite surprised that i didn't cry; after all, i'm the one who sobbed ~~into erkor's jacket~~ for katc XD i cry really easily at movies, just that this one didn't make me feel quite so sad, i guess. the element of... tragedy wasn't there. or maybe in the past few months, i've learnt not to let stuff get to me as much. i wonder if i'd cry if i watched katc again now. probably would, though, katc will always be such a tearjerker :X but seriously, click is a good movie. it's uber corny, but somehow watching adam sandler movies always makes me feel so... comfortable. you come out of the cinema feeling more warm and happy inside than any family movie could make you feel. this is ironic, considering the number of sexual connotations and references in click (it's a wonder it was rated PG, honestly - maybe cos the film board was dead sure all those kiddies out there wouldn't understand a thing).

listening to wishy washy now :DDD don't be taken in by the fobby-sounding name, it's really anything but. which reminds me of all those new albums i want: black holes and revelations by muse, why try harder by fatboy slim, 24/7 by se7en (yes, don't laugh, i really still don't have it yet), back to basics by christina aguilera, the click soundtrack, and the new dbsk album (to be released in late sept) :D womg and buying this month's elle was maybe not such a good idea, because now i feel a sudden craving for a pair of mary janes. especially since my trusty black charles&keiths are starting to fray. the heels are so worn down you can see white marks on them, and the straps snapped before but i got them fixed at raffles city's cobbler. so now i'm wearing them as often as possible so that i'll have gotten my money's (or rather, my aunt's money's) worth out of them by the time they finally break beyond repair and i have to throw them away sobbing uncontrollably. no kidding, it was love at first sight when my aunt presented me with them, and we've come a long way. i don't wanna lose them ))): imma put up an updated list of top wants:

1) ps3 + ff13 (no idea why it's taking so long to be released)
2) abovementioned cds
3) sisley denim jacket (yes, i still want it, after all these months. surprised?)
4) new heels/mary janes
5) heeled boots
6) knee-length capris
7) devil wears prada, pan's labyrinth, and all those other movies on my movie list 8) my ideal GPA
9) chc not to move (noone will really understand this, but whatever it's still a want). alternatively, something better to happen (:
10) that jaejoong-inspired hairstyle (maybe).
11) grow another few cm (li laoshi suggested >166cm)
12) YOU. (i swear, i didn't just put that there to make my list look less materialistic! ~~hahaha.~~)

erkor and i went to wendy's house for bio non-pt meeting today! haha i say bio non-pt cos it's not a pt and it's not counted, so technically it's a non-pt. pretty much everyone else already finished, but we asked for an extension so we could finally do the music vid we were cheated out of when they changed the actual pt to a test :X we're using tri-angle by dbsk! :DD the intro is so haunting, and the spurts of TRAX-created punkrock noise is so apt for our scenes of um, violence. haha filming this is gonna be so fun, in so many senses XD finally, the three of us get to overcome our filming withdrawal symptoms -breathes a sigh of relief. haha kira, you can help us edit if you want! then we can tell cwl that you helped too XD hm, i just realised that more filming = more bloopers. amusing shizz, i tell you, bloopers never fail to entertain (: we finished the main storyboard today! nyaha, it's so angsty; so full of throwing stuff and isolation and discrimination and suicide. my my, cwl will be so overwhelmed. i think it was nice of her to extend for us though, haha she seemed very eager to see our final product (: i guess bio and lit teachers are sort of similar in that sense, they like displays of creativity and all. take ms tan and nature week, for example. it never registered that a bio tchr could be so enthu about theatre :/

watched wendy's brothers grimm dvd after that (: at least erkor and i watched, haha wendy fell asleep halfway cos she was so tired. then she crawled to the other sofa (probably cos the movie was too loud). don't worry about it wendy, falling asleep during a movie doesn't make you a "poor host" la! you're always such a wonderful host, really. if you don't believe me you can ask erkor as well :D brothers grimm was really so sleepy hollow-esque; the style, the colour scheme, the plot. it was what i call disturbingly cool :D it had the same not-yet-disgusting-but-still-heart-stopping kind of gore as sleepy hollow. it's very... tim burton. except brothers grimm isn't as haunting and surreal, it lacks in beauty but makes up for it with pure sensory realism. the attention to detail is perfect, it's like pirates of carribean where all the actors are so covered in dirt and mud that you barely recognise them. i swear, i did NOT recognise heath ledger AT ALL. like no kidding, all through the movie i kept going "who's that nerd with specs and sticky hair?" :X then at the end when he took off the specs, i realised he was actually quite cute, but still i didn't realise he was heath ledger till the credits started rolling! the plot was a bit farfetched at times, but then again disturbingly cool movies aren't supposed to be logical so that's not exactly a flaw (:

i wish tim burton'd make some more movies! omg imagine if he was the one making stardust -hyperventilates. oh wait but he's too... disturbingly cool for neil gaiman's sardonic brand of satire. ideally, it'd need to be someone who's a cross between peter jackson's expansive, all-encompassing beauty (his filming style, i mean, not him) and tim burton. haha i feel that lit filming really went a long way to broadening our film horizons. suddenly i appreciate directoring talent so much more, and i start commenting with twinn and erkor on cinematography, style, and angle. there are some things that just have an... impact, you know? on your life. i even wrote about filming for chinese zuowen exam XD

trying to figure out how to plan my combi for options now. it's so annoying that narrative film-making clashes with absolutely everything?! what is this, some sort of deluded conspiracy??!! I WANT TO TAKE FILMING. wtf la, they're out to stop us from pursuing our interest in film-making. it seriously clashes with everything; like finance talks plus every science/humans option i want to do. gaaah we may have to sacrifice filming. ohwell nvm, we have bio mv filming. aaah but after bio mv filming, the withdrawal symptoms will set it again! HOOW ): it's especially acute right after you wrap up filming on one project, then you feel this really really intense urge to film something, anything, like RIGHT NOW. it's like this little voice in you that gets louder and louder and starts screaming "i need to filmmmmmm!" every time you see anything remotely filmable or related to film-making. i know, cos all four of us went through that experience immediately after lit filming. i kept kicking kira's chair every time the teacher said anything related to our filming sessions. ack come to think of it, it must've been really distracting. haha sorry kira! :X

i remember jessie sending me this online survey by tjc to do, and it was related to a filming workshop during the nov-dec hols. gaah, must ask her to check with her friend about it. then i'll drag db4 plus twinn and possibly even cellie along and we can make yet another short film ((: maybe we'll even get to do multiple projects! (omg, talk about biting off more than you can chew). heh, enthusiasm clouds reasoning. i can't wait for our filming sessions next week! roar, and i should really drag samantha out to orchard with me, o levels or no o levels. haven't seen her in ages ): and since mrs tsung retired, none of us go back to pri school anymore anyway. our class was never close, really. not like sam's class, where they still visit each other's houses and go jogging together and whatnot. oh oh and we should have another d6 outing during the hols! although it's probably not very possible, with me&erkor's filming sessions, twinn's netball trip, and sam overseas for a dance festival.

i just realised that somehow that reflects our niche areas (except erkor's rc la) (: i used to think that everyone had some sort of a ... passion except for me (i never was a cca person), but apparently it turns out that everyone does have something they feel for, just that it's not always a cca (: haha shakira suggested that we start a film society in jc! coolness. if they don't already have one, that is. if they do, then obviously all four of us'll join (and i'll drag twinn too; it's a sin to waste talent) :D i'm still thinking of joining archery, but then again li laoshi said smth about it making your upper arms really big (which is not good, considering the current size of my upper arms), and besides i've always been apprehensive about sports ccas. sure, it gets you points, but in the end it's your results that unis look at first, unless you plan to get in through sports (which only applies if you're really really good). i don't really see why med school would put unusual emphasis on cca though, so yeah results still come first. sports ccas are excessively time-consuming :X maybe i should take a vow like erkor and her rc friends to stay single throughout jc, but of course for different reasons. i'm not sure what their reasons are, but mine'd definitely be for med school's sake. haha sometimes i think that med school gives me a reason to do a lot of things, and not do a lot of things. must be the strengthsquest futuristic thing kicking in, like aileen and i both have futuristic so we were like saying that we pretty much know what we're gonna do, so sometimes it's hard to understand when people dunno what they're taking in jc or uni. somehow to me, the image of "med school" lends focus to my life. it makes it a lot easier to make sacrifices some people would deem unnecessary, and although "beautiful" might seem a strange word to describe that focus, it's really the only word i'd choose to describe this (:

it's fate, it's fiction; it's like you're so far away.

더 이상 너를 믿으면 니 말에 속아 주게 되면
다시 떠나가는 모습에 나만 울게 될 텐데

2006-08-17T17:39:00.000+08:00

ignore the following rant if you are underaged (this is subjective, of course), offended easily, or simply don't like swearing.

okay look, bitch, i never did anything to you and if you intend to keep it that way you will bloody well stop fucking with me because honestly you're not even half good enough to try and anyone with half a brain could tell that you're completely, irrationally (think stalker) OBSESSED with me since you talk about me all the time to everyone 24/7 non-stop. seriously, i am flattered to know that i am fascinating enough to be a continuous topic of discussion, but don't you have better things to talk about? and see here, i know you're the one who spammed my board and a lot of other people have pretty much figured it out for themselves as well so why don't you just fuck off and start your own blog since you're so deprived. then you won't have to go around trawling random people's blogs and being too wussed-up to leave your fugly name cos you're so freaking scared they'll realise how truly pathetic you are. ~~too bad, they already have.~~ quit parading your gargantuan ass around because firstly, everyone can see the big ugly "I AM OUT TO GET MEL" tattoo on your left buttcheek, and secondly it's so unsightly that sooner or later some poor soul is going to faint dead away with the horror of it all (if you don't pull your pants up some time soon) and then you'd be responsible for a death. if you have a problem with ME, why don't you take a good long look in the mirror, alright? (if it doesn't crack first). i may be competitive and i'm sure a whole lot of people have a huge problem with that (seriously, in rj this'll be nothing), but no matter how competitive i am, at least i have a limit and i can tell you ONE thing, i would never stoop so low as to screw with other people's marks, just so i could do better than them. i mean come on, even the worst of us have limits, but then again maybe not, eh? what i'm trying to say it, i see absolutely no reason why you're so obsessed with me but then again maybe things like you don't need reasons to stick your smartassed peabrains into other people's business. frankly, i've never even spoken to you about my marks, or hardly anything else for that matter, because i really can't be bothered with unscrupulous assholes like you who have nothing better to do than sit at home and cook up half-baked plots to sabotage people. or rather, attempt to sabotage people. oh, speaking of which, have i mentioned your pathetic attempts to try and poach my friends? really, i'm sure they have absolutely no idea that you're trying to use them to "get back at" me (for what, i honestly don't know), but i really do have to thank you, you know. you've just helped me find out who my real friends are. the ones who are easily manipulated into betraying me, and the ones who'll stick with me no matter what. and let me just say that this is the very last entry in which i'm even going to mention you because the world doesn't need any more pollution. (we wouldn't want anything to speed up the global warming, would we, what with all those carbon dioxide emissions and greenhouse gases floating around already?) and yes, spending more than five words on a big-headed jealous crackwhore is more than enough pollution, let alone a whole blog entry. so please kindly fuck off and lick yourself all better somewhere nice and quiet and far away, and stop bothering me because if i'm not wrong my doctor just ran out of ass-pain pills (kind of like tamiflu, really, just not fatal).

these people really shouldn't be mentioned in the same blog entry as the above because i risk tainting their names, but i love them too much not to so here it is. i LOVELOVELOVE (from the bottom of my heart with much sugar and other random carbohydrates on top):

1. cellie, for being there when i was crying my eyes out (not because of aforementioned anal retentor, of course, but something much less obvious and much more important) and understanding perfectly how i felt even though she wasn't in the same situation, and for feeling indignant on my behalf and cheering me up and making threats which i'm pretty sure she'll never carry out but are still touching nevertheless. thanks for being my late-night phonecall partner and my recess meeting partner (along with charmaine and rhea) XD
2. sam, who is the absolute best at extremely meaningful conversations in cantonese, and also the most observant and sensitive of them all. i haven't forgotten how you insisted on being "erjie", and it turns out that you really are the most big-sisterish among all five of you. thanks for understanding perfectly and saying just what i needed at just the right time, and agreeing with me and somehow reading my mind out loud before i even opened my mouth. lovelove my chinese class seating partner, and our hysterical giggling fits at the expense of canto drama serials as well as the poor ole relief teacher.
3. rhea, for patiently waiting for me to tell her stuff and then waiting some more while i rambled on and on, and then being so fiercely loyal (okay fine, not the fiercely part) when she finally heard everything, and reminiscing with me about the golden days of our youth and reflecting on how things change so fast ("flip one-eighty, in a matter of days"). i miss you, rhea ): i miss having you in the same class and how we always understood about the marks and all because we had about the same expectations and stuff. i miss having you around to tell stuff to and just to spend time with. ):
4. renu, the best seating partner ever. i repeat, the BEST SEATING PARTNER EVER. she hereby wins the Mel Award for Best Seating Partner Ever. she's everything you could want in a seating partner: superduperuber nice, thoughtful, kind, supportive, caring, patient, understanding, encouraging, funny, observant, loyal, quirky... i'm gonna stop here before it starts running on and on XD but really, it's all true, and to top it all off she's so hardworking and neat that she makes you feel all guilty and you start cleaning your table more often instead of just scattering papers haphazardly all over. of course the hardworking part hasn't really seemed to rub off yet, but maybe it has eh, sneaking around behind our backs (x thanks for all your encouragement and reassurance and compliments and all those cute cartoons and microscopic cards and the constant entertainment during boring classes (i.e. with "the muppet"). :D

i don't trust a lot of people now, because some people ("not mentioning any names", says mr wolfe) have really disappointed me lately, so you guys should be REALLY HONOURED to reach mel's LOVELOVELOVE list!!! -cue gameshow music, and some tall curvy ex-model walking across the screen holding up the LOVELOVELOVE list. ooh, it is quite a cute addition to my blog, isn't it. the LOVELOVELOVE list. maybe i'll do a weekly one or something XD after exams, though. argh, which reminds me, i need to go study.

I KNOW HE RESCUED MY SOUL. ((((:

2006-08-15T19:36:00.000+08:00

Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard, saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back, the pay back, the pay back

Champagne kisses, hold me in your lap of luxury
I only want to fly first-class desires, you're my limousine
So elegant, the way we ride, our passion, it just multiplies
There's platinum lightning in the sky
Look I'm livin' like a queen

This kind of love is getting expensive
We know how to live, baby
We're luxurious, like Egyptian cotton
We're so rich in love, we're rollin' in cashmere
Got it in fifth gear, baby
Diamond in the rough is lookin' so sparkly

Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard, saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back, the pay back, the pay back

Sugar, honey, sexy, baby
When we touch it turns to gold
Sensitive and delicate, kinda like a tuberose
You know you are my treasure chest
It's pure perfection when we kiss and
You're my Mr., I'm your Miss
Gonna be until we're old

This kind of love is getting expensive
We know how to live, baby
We're luxurious, like Egyptian cotton

Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard, saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back, the pay back, the pay back
[2x]

Cha-ching, cha-ching, we're loaded and we're not gonna blow it
Cha-ching, cha-ching, we're hooked up with the love cause we grow it
Cha-ching, cha-ching, we got hydroponic love and we're smokin'
Cha-ching, cha-ching, we burn it, you and I, we are so lit

And we're so rich in love, we're rollin' in cashmere
Got it in fifth gear, baby
Diamond in the rough is lookin' so sparkly

Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back
Trying so hard, saving up the paper
Now we get to lay back
Working so hard, every night and day
And now we get the pay back, the pay back, the pay back

2006-08-08T16:45:00.000+08:00

ijen keuriyeumdo andwaekejyo,
keugomattjwo borryoyajyo

currently listening to minwoo's 'girlfriend'; i think i'm going through my gazillionth minwoo phase once again. but it's okay, i've decided to go for the yg concert at the end of the year instead of the shinhwa one. firstly cos i don't trust the 'state of the art' organisers (no pun intended), as the concert is like barely a month away and they still haven't started publicising yet?! not that they need much publicity since all the fans know about it fairly beforehand, but stillll. doesn't this show just the teensiest bit of poor planning? ohgod now it's 'sometimes' (you've probably guessed that i'm running down the M 2nd winds album by now), it always makes me wanna do minwoo's little sideways-walking-snapping-fingers dance. womg the way he does it is so stylo, you can imagine a tophat on his head even though he's grinning like a madman and dressed in cargoes XD

okay, due to popular demand (namely twinn, but she counts for a lot) i shall blog about dance concert last friday. rushed home alone cos twinn had to stay back and help out with her class's nday costume so she told me to go first ~~cos i take like twice the time she takes to get ready~~. met twinn at west mall later and took mrt to city hall where we met charissa and yvonne. (wendy and shakira were very, very, unspeakably late). then none of us could decide where to eat (see, i knew i wasn't the only indecisive one!) so in the end we just ate at bk. heh, so much for posh dinners eh. chris spilled her whole drink at bk ~~cos she got distracted by some guy in a white shirt~~ XD okay fine, it was partly my fault cos i was talking to her then she got excited and gesticulated wildly and as a result her drink toppled over :X haha, i bet the cleaning lady wasn't too happy. then anyway after dinner we had to figure out how to get to vch from raffles city (to quote chris, "whose great idea was it to meet at city hall mrt?!") because the only person who did actually know how to get there was LATE -glares, so we got there mainly by asking for directions and of course thanks to my excellent sense of direction (when it counts, that is) :D

DANCE CONCERT ROCKED! it was so good, seriously. my only complaint was that it didn't last longer. i wanted to see sam dance more! womg but she was amazing, honestly she made me so proud to be her friend (not that i'm normally not, but proud-er i mean). i mean, how many people in the audience could actually, honestly, say "omg the lead dancer - yes that girl in the center dancing like some kind of greek goddess - is my close friend! yeah, i've known her since like forever!" without their nose growing at least another five inches longer? heh, and technically yes i have known sam since like forever. not know know, but we knew each other existed since like p4 i guess (: womg i liked their syf dance! suet and i shared a mutual shock that they didn't get gold with honours last year. i tell you, this is just plain wrong, they really really should've gotten that extra honours on top of the gold. the choreography is like EXCELLENT, and being a lit-er i just think the whole thing is chao cool (omg that was such a chinese high phrase). i mean the whole good versus evil segregation, battle and eventual triumph thing was just far out :D the way it was played out, i mean. oh and the ~~mating dance~~ peacock dance was nice too! all of us were saying how it's simple yet beautiful. aptly named 'beauty of nature', methinks (: especially sam's, ahem, duet with this other girl. suet was very... how do i say, excited. she posed certain questions about sam's ability in, well, err certain types of furniture meant for resting in.

hoho sam choreographed one of the dances! the ballet one. although the sec ones dancing it kindof skewered the ~~beauty and grace~~ of ballet, but still most of the 'sam-ness' in it managed to push aside the thick curtain of jerky cheerleaderesque klutzfog in the air and shine through ((: i think maybe the juniors just don't have the expressive grace characteristic of ballerinas :X ooooh and the flamenco dance! their costumes were so frilly and colourful and lovely woooomg :D oh and believe me when i say sitting next to suet when she's painfully hungry is a very interesting experience XD ("omggg they look like lollipops! they look so yummy! ooh look and these few look like sushi/salad! see, that green over there is the wasabi!"). then after the concert we attempted to stalk sam into the dressing rooms, but the guy chased us out cos he was closing up the concert hall. so we went round back and waited outside the stage door. LOLLL. i think we're such groupies yeah (x presented sam with the very expensive bouquet and lots and lots of hugs and compliments when she finally did come out (after a very very LOOONG time). and we camwhored! okay not exactly. as in wendy and i tried to camwhore under the streetlight but it turned out all blurry so we gave up and just took lotsa group photos with flash instead XD sam decided to be magnaminous and in a very expansive gesture, took shots with everyone one after another, haha.

random footnotes: i suspect i left my expensive silver cross bracelet somewhere :X it's either in twinn's car or lying around somewhere in the house, just that i can't seem to find it. twinn, please let me know if you see it anywhere! oh and as a sidenote, twinn got extremely upset when i casually mentioned that -says this very quickly, imissederkor. heh. omg my head hurts, shall blog about 'lady under the water' another time. although it was the ultimate looks-horror-but-not-horror movie and i absolutely crush m.night shyamalam now. he's very... neil gaiman. i hope 'stardust' turns out something like that as well! only, i know the story alrd so it won't be as much of a thrill XD

himdeureudo naege himdeureudo, amu ildo
halsu opneun naruel wihaeso.

2006-08-06T11:55:00.000+08:00

and i dream about you,
you're the one in the million kind of girl

OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD. for years and years, se7en and shinhwa don't ever come to singapore, and suddenly both of them come at the same time? like within three months of each other. homggaaaah, i was alrd thinking of how to pay for the yg family concert, which actually isn't a problem since my mom indirectly agreed to pay for that considering that she saved money by me not going for prom XD but but but now it's not one concert, but TWO?!! how the hell am i gonna pay for TWO of their concert tickets? one is like hundred plus alrd, so two conert tickets = $KREWJFDHNWMQHWJHQWIUER!? okay sorry, i just typed that in the hopes that maybe just maybe the price will go down if i refrain from acknowledging it :X I HOPE I DON'T HAVE TO PAY OUT OF MY OWN SAVINGS ): my savings are like, sacred. haha. if i really have to i probably will, but but but still, my heart will ache you know ): aaah but if se7en comes to singapore and i don't get to see him then my heart really will break! womg, but minwoo too. aaaah why WHY DO I HAVE TO CHOOSE why aaaaah.

zomg i bet erkor and shakira will bonk me over the head with some heavy inanimate object for even thinking about not going for the se7en concert, but but it's so hard to choose you know? AAAAAH WHY CAN'T THEY JUST COMBINE CONCERTS. but the prob is, the shinhwa concert isn't just minwoo it's like other people also. so i bet minwoo won't get to solo (okay i just know someone is sure to come screaming to me afterwards that "omg minwoo did a solo and it was so hot!" but whatever, ignorance is bliss), but on other hand se7en is coming with the whole yg family so on the whole he might not get all that much stagetime, all things considered. cos if you divide proportionately, minwoo will be on stage 1/6 of the time and se7en maybe 1/10, depending on how many yg singers are coming. homg how, homg how. OMG, AAAAH SEPTEMBER 10 IS A SUNDAY. mom sure won't allow cos there's school the next day. aaah but exams are over alrd by then so maybe she will :X hope hope hope. but that's just the shinhwa concert, and the yg family one is in november i think. okay wait judging by the pros and cons, i should just go for the yg one cos firstly i don't know many shinhwa state of the art songs (okay fine i do, but not to the extent where i can sing along to them, like minwoo's songs), whereas i DO know quite a few se7en songs. and although i can't exactly sing along to ALL of them, they're fairly easy to learn eh. especially since it's let's say almost 4 months away?

okay yes i know i'm starting to sound incoherent and very lacking in punctuation marks, but womg this is what happens when you suffer from chronic indecision like me when it comes to this area of... celebrity decision, i guess. haha and this is the part where kira is bound to make some stupid snide comment on how i should be monogamous like her and not polygamous like my celebtwin (no double 'n') ally. UGH. whatever, imma probably go for the yg one since it's further away and my friends're more likely to go for that one. and at the shinhwa concert they won't be singing minwoo songs anyway. ~~ohgod i must learn to separate minwoo and shinhwa.~~ homgg, aaaaaah.

cheoembuteo urin uhmyeong chorom,
mannada heojigir banbokhaedo.

2006-07-25T19:08:00.000+08:00

she was standing on a sunny hill,
breathing every single pleasant feeling
even though the world is turning lonely eyes

i'm just so tired. so sick and tired of having this double existence thing where noone who knows me from school recognises me outside of school, and noone who knows me outside of school recognises me in school uniform. even my closest friends admit that if they didn't know me so well, they wouldn't recognise me either. so all those opticians, dermatologists, makeup consultants (admittedly just my aunt, rhea and sharm), shopping sprees and self-improvement, in exchange for what, this mutual unrecognisability? it's like i move between two worlds, and i can't bring myself to go into either one of them donning a costume belonging to the other. sharm told me i should learn to stop caring what people think and just wear what i want, but still i never would have had the guts to go to school on racial harmony day wearing sharm's purple dress. even if it is incredibly retro and nice and unique and stylish, it's not exactly ethnic and you don't need a semi-psychic like me to tell you what happens when you wear something like that to school on rhd.

truth be told, having a permanent reflection like that tends to get a tad cumbersome, especially when you're nearing jc. and then here comes the dilemma: do i argue heatedly with my dad to get more permanent contacts? (cos right now i only have dailies which don't fit my astig, so i can't wear them to school). or do i just carry on with the heck care acceptance that i look fugly shizzz in school u and there's nothing to be done about it. i mean really, it's not my fault that we're all required to tie up our hair, our uniform would make even a rake look fat, i can't see a thing without specs (figuratively), and wearing makeup to school would only succeed in getting half the school to start bitching about you. so really, it's not my fault that i look so different inside and outside of school. and in rjc, i really don't think anything's gonna change. okay fine maybe the uniform'll look a whole lot better (hopefully), and if i'm lucky dad will get me monthly contacts (given that they don't feel like smth's stuck in my eye all day), but overall it'll still be guai innocent-looking little me in school versus, err, NOT guai old me outside? eventually it becomes a question of how comfortable i am in my own skin ~~(not really. or rather, it depends on what i'm wearing)~~. it's not that i care, really, what those ri boys think. but rather, what people say in general? i mean when we reach the level of jc, there are bound to be comments floating around about people's looks. after all, there already are. it's not pretty (pardon the pun), but it's bound to happen anyway, so frankly i really shouldn't care. easier said than done, though :/

i used to be scared and panicky over going to rjc. in fact, all of us were. still are. but in retrospect, it was like being scared of the smoke before you see the fire coming towards you, flickering with flames of tragedy, shock, and promise. i never expected something like this, never. correction, maybe i did but still, not so soon. i don't know what to think, partly because i don't even know if there is a fire in the first place. but if there is, this is going to be anything but easy for me. emotionally-wise, i mean. rjc would be the tiny flick of a lighter in comparison.

and so i let the music fill my soul, so painfully empty. so devoid of you. rendered me so isolated, so motivated, and i am certain now that i am...?

hope, dangles on a string
like slow-spinning redemption
winding in, winding out
the shine of it has caught my eye

2006-07-14T21:43:00.000+08:00

cos i'm so sick of love songs,
so tired of tears
so done with wishing, she was still here

WOMG GUESS WHAT, NEIL GAIMAN'S STARDUST HAS FINALLY BEEN MADE INTO A MOVIE! yesssss, i can't wait to watch it :D i think it's so sad that noone in singapore even heard of mirrormask, even though it wasn't technically adapted from a neil gaiman book but after all the script was co-written by him. whooooo, and now it's stardust! i love love love stardust and tristan thorne and the star and i'm sorry but i absolutely crush septimus (even though he was the evillest brother of them all, cackles) :D womg womgggg, i hope it doesn't take too long to come to singapore! but it prolly won't be out till next year, cos my movie junkie guide doesn't mention anything about it coming out this year. which means eragon will be coming out earlier, and therefore i hafta hurry up and borrow all three (or was it four?) books from either twinn or kor. ~~kor claims eragon makes him gay (i quote this directly)~~, but of course i'm a good mei so i won't tell anyone (: ~~hah! and he actually dared to call my kpop darlings gay.~~

i hereby declare this blog (www.trent.blogspot.com) the best fuss-free, picture-infested, eyecandy-teeming, purely entertaining source of celeb gossip ever! :D it's even better than sam's fugit website. (or was it fugyou? i forgot). i'm a little confused though, cos addy claims he's gay but he posted shots of himself on a roadtrip with this girl so now i don't know if he's bi or what :X but i must say, this dude is very good with the celeb slash pairings. i never woulda even imagined that matthew mcconaughey and jake gyllenhaal were... well, together. nor matthew and lance armstrong, neither. heh, MCCARMSTRONG he calls it -cracks up :DDD. i'm reading his latest entries as i blog, and it's hilarious! especially kimberly stewart flashing the world, which is really nothing compared to PARIS HILTON flashing the world (gasps, covers both mouth and eyes). really, she gives a whole new definition to the word "flashing" XD

hooommmggggg, chris evans is so damnass HAWT. to quote sharm herself, the word would be ~~"fuckable"~~. whoops :D for all you uninitiated celebgossip-virgins out there, chris evans is the hot (literally) guy with superfirepowers in fantastic four. i never caught the movie, but everyone knows how hot he is anyway ((: what is it with hot guys and shooting fire out of their palms, anyway? case in point = warren peace from sky high -listens out for the endless shrieks. yes, the hot guy who went to the prom with the plantgirl who had no taste. (like hello, anyone with eyes would've chosen warren peace over will armstrong!!) will armstrong's the guy with fugly hair. and oh, he can fly. and throw things around. which both jessie and i agree is NOTHING compared to hurling great balls of fire around! and yes, that was an old song reference ;D anyway, my conclusion from all this: gay guys have the best blogs, because not only do they usually have the best-looking layouts, but they also happen to have the best taste in both fashion AND guys, so you get amazing links :DD not to mention really, really good photos of chris evans ~~shirtless~~ in his new movie, london. why oh why are we so pathetically deprived of celeb gossip in singapore? -bemoans world in general. no wonder sam has to get her kicks from fugit (or fugyou? really sam, i forgot!).

i am officially addicted to (yes, i know most of you expect me to insert a random song name here) loop-playing. yessiree, in a ~~sudden~~ burst of self-awareness, i realise that i am, like romeo, not in love with anyone but in love with love itself! -declares this with a dramatic flourish. figuratively, of course. i can practically hear wendy shout "false analogy!" already :X of course i meant it as a kind of, err, metaphor i guess. like you know, i'm not addicted to loop-playing any one song, but addicted to loop-playing in general. i hope it's not one of those symptoms of control freakism. or ocd, which incidentally my cousin has ): i just feel uncomfortable when i don't click the repeat song button but instead let it play according to playlist or, alternatively, itunes shuffle. cos then it always ends up playing the songs i don't really feel like listening to at the moment :/ so in the end i always end up loop-playing one song (right now it's honey i know by se7en) till i get sick of hearing it (usually not until i've loop-played it at least 10 times, or in the case of bai ri meng, over 60). then i simply click on another song (like beautiful life by dbsk or there's a girl by the ditty bops) and start loop-playing that one :DD now loop-playing the so sick of love songs remix by ne-yo and jin, i have a feeling this one's gonna last at least 20 loops, heh.

YESSSS, finally both english test and lit test are over! english test went fairly well but at first i was quite scared cos i thought we can get penalised for writing too much (the pt sheet says 500 words, and mine was definitely over that) but later ctan said they won't penalise so i was like, pheww. (: and lit's over too! and next lesson we'll just continue watching the handmaid's tale movie! LOLLL. you know, it just occurred to me that it's like how ironic that i'm listening to jin repeating "i'm so sick, we're so sick" while talking about handmaid's tale. cos the handmaid's tale movie is just... SO SICK. it's like even sicker than the book, really. you think you know what you're in for when you've read and reread (not in sequence, i admit, i skipped here and there) and analysed and quoted and basically studied the whole novel, but nooo the movie just manages to amaze you with new revelations. admittedly inaccurate deviations from the original plot, but amazing revelations nonetheless. i had no idea offred made ~~noises~~ during the ceremony! i thought she just lay there passively; i mean, that's what the book seemed to imply! so when it got to the ceremony scene in the movie, all of us just stared at the screen and gaped like overturned fish, until erkor helpfully pointed out "the commander's technique SUCKS!" and i just cracked up XD oh and when offred appeared at the window flashing herself at the world in general (i really mean it, she was flashing her boobs! both of them!), the whole class just alternated between "whoaaaa" and incredulous fits of laughter. seriously, if the j1s in rj study this, i bet they won't get to watch the movie because honestly, can you imagine watching this movie with guys in the room?! they'd all have nosebleeds and die from lack of red blood cells or something :X

erkor and i just realised how free we're gonna be after eoys, so we've planned lotsa stuff. the fam non-prom outing, numerous themed outings (think the last week's dbsk409 outing), and organising starlit night! haha we should all dress goth, all four of us. like really goth, this time. to fit our movie genre, y'know? -grins madly. we can alternate between black lipstick and bloodred crimson (: i'm so sad and angry and pissed and just... disappointedly drained that the bio department cancelled our precious music video pt ): and we were so looking forward to it, too! )): now thanks to the stupid bio dpt, the pt got changed to some boring shizz thing with test conditions, and erkor wendy and i are busy suffering from filming withdrawal symptoms. basically these symptoms include insane fits of videocam-whoring, a total disregard for the existence of anyone else besides us (on the MRT!! the carriage was far from empty), a complete lack of shame manifested by videoed competitions to see who could make the most number of different expressions at the videocam in 2 minutes. womg, and shakira's going around showing it to everyone! if she's not careful, she won't be able to use it as blackmail material anymore cos everyone's already seen it. LOLLL XD

we should really organise our own short film sessions after exams :D alternatively, we could go for the filming workshop at tjc during the nov holidays! if they do organise it, that is. the one jessie's friend is organising, i'd post the link here but i forgot cos jessie linked me straight to it :/ maybe we'll have this project and the end product will be another short film! and maybe, just maybe, we can try new genres this time, heh. but horror's still by far the coolest, most creative and most rewarding genre to film ((: and it's so much easier to quantify your success (you just listen to how loud the collective screams are), too. womg i just feel like going straight to wendy's house after eoys and filming film after film after short film. long ones are way too time-consuming, though :/ it took us like over 40 hours to edit just 16 minutes (including bloopers) worth of video for the lit film, so i can't imagine shooting a 2-hour movie. oh man, it really makes me admire all those directors and producers out there. 2 hours of end product means months and sometimes years of actual filming. after all, even our 11-minute amateur film took several weeks to plan and film. four of us actually stayed till 11 plus at wendy's house (okay fine three, cos it was wendy's own house so she doesn't count, hoho) to wrap up the last scene. but it's exhilarating! you feel that sense of accomplishment, and it's the best of both worlds cos you feel like a workaholic cos you're stressed and exhausted but at the same time you feel so damned unbelievably amazingly miraculously HAPPY. haha, you all know what i mean -winks at db4. all in favour of filming after exams say 'AYE'! haha we can have a collaboration thingo, like twinn and cellie and all my other sweethearts who like filming can come film with dbsk409, or smth like that :D

WOMG FILMING, HERE WE COME. (btw, "futuristic" is my second top strength. i bet it's erkor's too, just that strengthsquest doesn't like her so it didn't want to tell her the right strengths).

said i'm so sick of love songs, so sad and slow
so why can't i turn off the radio?
(why can't i turn off the radio?)
why can't i turn off the radio??

2006-07-12T22:21:00.000+08:00

i got a chip on my shoulder,
and a halo on my head
i'm an angel with an attitude
and my favourite colour's red

I LOVE MY DADDY -declares :D i told him i minused marks for math cos khc overlooked two of my mistakes (and one of renu's too, tsk) so i didn't get full marks anymore. but i was so scared cos i'd already told daddy that i got full marks. and he was so happy and all, that i couldn't bear to break the news to him cos sure it's still quite high and all, but i feel guilty for giving him false hope ~~just like khc gave me false hope, @!%^@*#~~. so i told him over steamboat earlier during dinner (it was yummy!) and surprisingly he never went "melissaaa" which is like the dad equivalent of "TSK". he was more like proud that i was honest enough to tell khc that she gave me extra marks. then i think what daddy said was so sweet, "to me, you still got full marks. in fact, you got even better than full marks because you were honest". and then i went "thanks, daddy!" and grinned like some crazy woman for half of the steamboat. i never ever expected my dad to say anything like that before. not the honesty part (cos he's really riled about honesty and all), but the "to me, you still got full marks" part. i know it sounds stupid, but i nearly cried, really! and i think he could tell i was really sorry about it, so he added smth like "it's still high la". WHOA, i never thought the day would come when i was unhappy about my marks and my dad actually went "it's still high". i mean, after all daddy was always a model student (all the way up to sfu) so i guess it's only expected that he has fairly high expectations. but in the end, it pretty much corresponds with what i expect from myself, so i don't really mind (: ~~i hope daddy takes me to sakae sushi since he's happy with my marks eh XD~~

graaargh, our whole class is now all riled up over prom just cos a few of us decided not to go and then sharm suggested holding a class chalet on that night instead. i think sharm had a point when she pointed out (no pun intended) that it would make a more impactful point (serious, i'm not doing this on purpose i swear) if the whole class ponned together. like 410, only i think 410 five people are going or something. but her suggestion on yahoogrps didn't garner much support though, and poor kira kena jack cos she posted on her behalf and everyone just err, well, would 'retaliated' be too extreme a word? heh. oh well then, but of all the emails i agree with angel's the most. i think she has a point when she says that we should all respect each other's opinions, and so people not going shouldn't try to persuade the people going not to go, and the people going shouldn't try to persuade the people not going to go. because in some cases, 'persuade' tends to morph into 'pressurise', which never really turns out pleasantly. uh huh, anyway that was what erkor was trying to tell me when we called the d6 people and told them that we weren't going. ~~haha, i never listen do i, erkor.~~

looking forward to rgs starlit night '06! it's gonna be the bestest lit event ever :DD i wanna be on the comm! i know margie erkor kira and all want to as well, haha i shall get margie to tell miss leow or smth so we have first dibs XD erkor and i are making movie posters for publicity now ~~(actually, i tell her what i want and she makes then i review)~~ and our newly made 'shadows' poster has my freaky ju-on eyes on it! oh, YAY. it's the version i contrasted to make the eyes look scarier by making the skin around them look whiter (: uh oh, i hope the eyes are unrecognisable enough or else i'll have people coming up to me in the canteen or wherever and going "hey, are those your freaky eyes on the starlit night poster?" HAHA. would be interesting, though.

anyway, i talked to daddy about some stuff and i got to know that well, he goes through the same stuff too. he made some really good points by using this analogy of a really annoying woman working in his office, womg i loved his "maybe that's why she's fifty-odd and still not married" :DDD dad's just more into that psycho-analysis motivational philosophy stuff, i think he's wasted not becoming a motivational speaker like that guy with the funny name whose quotes are pasted in our toilet cubicles. zig ziglar, i think. the guy who said "motivation is like taking a shower, that's why we recommend it daily" or something along those lines. i bet dad's the reason why i wanted to be a psychiatrist since young; but now i kind of changed my mind but not really cos technically psychiatry IS a kind of medicine, heh.

lit test on friday! everyone's already started mugging, i think. bad thing about us twinns is that we just don't really get how to MUG lit. i mean, last time we talked about it and we both agreed that lit just can't be mugged ~~(even though some people do try and study it like err, chem or bio)~~, so before lit tests i used to crash her house and we'd have intellectual discussions about whatever book we were doing. for the first half hour, that is; afterwards we'd go into the next room and get high on HL milk, twinn's siblings, the tv, and random anime vids on the com -grins sheepishly at twinn (: only this time twinn and i have it on different days, but oh well there's always eoys and unseen prose! i shall look forward to crashing your house again, twinny :D remember to buy more HL milk! :DD

it's a little too late for too little,
but it's never too late for a lot
it's a little too late for too little,
but it's never too late to take 'em for what they got.

2006-07-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

i bide my time while biting my tongue,
hold closed my mouth so song is unsung
get to the meat of things already,
with buried secrets the ground is heavy

thanks, shakira (: you're a great friend; as in after i read your blog i realised that i never expected to find such a well, loyal, friend in this class ever. not that i don't have good friends, but maybe cos our class bitches a lot so i didn't think i'd find SUCH a good friend, i guess. except people i've known from before like erkor and sam, of course; that's different. go check out kira's blog, it's on links :D and womg her blog entry is really insightful, seriously. SOME people who think with weird parts of their anatomy (can't be their dick cos they don't have any, so i honestly don't know what it is) should go read it for some introspection. and yeah to wendy, thanks as well because i know even though we've known each other since p5, we were never really close until this year. in fact, i rmbr a time when we were like sworn rivals or smth (rmbr p5 & 6?), haha i can't believe how ridiculous i was back then. i know there was this point of time when the whole class was pretty mean to you cos to tell the truth, we were all jealous of your grades. cos hpps was a fairly good school, so most of us did care about our marks.

and now that we've come to rgs, i guess that just got amplified a hundred times over. cos what shakira said in her entry's really true, it all broils down to simple jealousy. it's everything hidden between the lines, and it's everything that triggers even the slightest form of bitching. even if sometimes people pretend it's disdain when they bitch about some other people who have lifestyles that are different from theirs, most of the time it's actually rooted in jealousy, deep down inside. they're jealous that said other people get to experience life in a way they probably never will, or maybe they're jealous said other people look better than them, or maybe they just covet the chance to actually have a LIFE, despite being in rgs. for one, i know i don't really have a life at all compared to said other people, but then again now you don't see ME bitching about her, do you? and it's just stupid when you start bitching about people just because they're smarter than you. i used to do when i was a little younger, and after you get over it then it just seems stupid, believe me.

okay, i can understand if you're upset over your marks and you think someone who scored higher than you made a comment that was offensive to you. but if this happens when you are eavesdropping on that someone's conversation with her friend (which you have no business doing, by the way), then did it ever occur to you that maybe you only heard one part of the whole conversation? or maybe since you were eavesdropping, you didn't hear correctly or perhaps didn't know what she actually meant since you weren't aware of the context, being eavesdropping? and for the record, i DETEST DISTAIN HATE LOATHE people who burst out crying and then try and implicate other people. i know i cry very easily when it comes to marks, but i stopped babbling about other people and their marks while i cried like back in sec one. because i realised when you cry and babble at the same time, people take what you say seriously, and when you mention names they get the idea that the names you mentioned were the people who made you cry. so now if i cry over my marks, at least i know it's noone else's fault but my own? so i don't go all "so-and-so said this this this and she's gloating cos she got higher than me" when i cry.

okay, i've wasted enough blog space on that person already. after all, everyone seems to be telling me stuff along the lines of "there are some people you just don't have "yuan2" (fate) with", and i guess it's true after all eh. anyway, i only wasted so much blog space on her because we just found out some of our math test marks, and i know this is a sensitive period of time so no matter what way i react to my marks in, SOME people are bound to comment, so i just shut up and didn't comment, except like maybe the initial reaction with had nothing to do with anyone, and except for congratulating yvonne, wendy and amanda and shaking their hands. after that i didn't say anything abt my own marks, cheryl shakira and i just teased wendy about hers and her obsession with changmin XD

haha speaking of dbsk, i shall now blog about the dbsk409 outing we had on monday which was a school holiday thanks to youth day being on sunday (: i know kira blogged about it halfway already (no idea if she's updated and added the other half yet), but yeah i shall be original and blog my own version instead of koping hers like i'm really tempted to do :D yvonne came too, cos she ~~wanted to watch king and the clown~~ loves me too much not to, right yvonne? heh. anyway i was intending to bus there from my house, but i ended up getting to the bus stop late ~~as usual~~ cos there wasn't anyone to meet at cck, since erkor and shakira were going straight from school after rhday singing rehearsal.

so i finally got to do what i'd been waiting to do ever since i read that scene in the "lost art of keeping secrets" by eva rice (rhea lent it to me) where charlotte meets penelope at a bus stop and practically drags her off in a cab to her aunt's house for tea even though they're complete strangers. okay i know it sounds silly, but of course i didn't want to do that (not in singapore, at least; they'd sue you for abduction or smth), i just thought well i'd never actually met a complete stranger at the bus stop and asked him/her to share a cab with me before. when i was younger i wanted to but i never had the guts, and now i have the guts but i never had the occasion :/ and it just so happened that on that late monday morning, all the planets were aligned and the stars were circling the... okay fine, to put it simply, there was a fair pretty lanky girl dressed like she was going to town (don't ask me how i know, i just did) standing in front of one of those bus stop ads adjusting her hair. so i stood at the bus stop considering if i should cab to orchard or just wait for 171 and be late, and then i thought to myself, "you know it'd be a whole lot cheaper if i had someone to share a taxi with". then i took one look at the lanky girl and she was just PERFECT! as in i could tell that she wasn't the stingy type who go all "oh i don't wanna waste money on a cab". and my intuition was right! she was womg so unbelievably nice about it. cos she wasn't even in a rush but then she asked if i was in a rush, and when i said kindof, she just agreed to share taxi with me ((: and she's not the dao kind who sits there giving one word answers, we actually got to know each other during the taxi ride, LOLLLLL :D i found out her name, her school (nygh) and all that. she's in sec three, so we were both ranting about how in lower sec you don't know how easy you've got it, and then you don't believe the sec threes when they tell you it's gonna be stressful cos basically the sec twos said the same thing and it's not that bad atall, so you think it's the same false alarm with the sec threes. but oh boy, when you do get to upper sec, it's hell and you're completely unprepared to face the overwhelming heat ):

i dropped at far east cos she was going to ps to meet her friends, and we split the cost. womg i really shoulda gotten her email or smth, she's damn nice to talk to! even being sec three and all. we had more in common than some of the people i see regularly! i guess this is what they mean when they talk about some people having yuan but who only meet once and then move off into their own lives again. i dunno, it just feels me with a... profound feeling that i met her, and my instincts are usually right. when i bother to listen to them, that is XD

anyway i bussed to wendy's (oh thank God i didn't drop one stop early this time, AND it didn't rain) from far east and i thought i was very clever la. i thought i was gonna be early cos technically i WAS ten minutes early, you know, taking taxi there and all. but then guess what, when i got into her house EVERYONE WAS THERE. like EVERYONE. cheryl, shakira, yvonne and of course wendy. and i just gawked and went "wahlaoooo, i thought i was early". ): how sad. haha then anyway all of them had changed into their "dbsk" outfits or whatever, cos our ever-changing outing theme was supposed to be goth, then it got changed to dbsk colours, then to jrock (or what fei pro-ly informed me is called "visual k"). lol, everyone was pretty much horrified cos they thought they each thought they were wearing the wrong thing. hoho, until i came and saved the day and made poor erkor feel better, of course -beams (: cos at first she was the only one wearing semipunk/goth/VISUAL K ( :D ) stuff until i came and then she was all "oh mel good thing you're here, at least now someone matches me". LOLLL. cos shakira and wendy matched each other, their matching outfits were so cute womg i should've taken a shot of the two of them standing side by side. shakira claims i dress hongkong! whatever man, haha i bet it's the cantonese blood acting up again -winks at sam. so yeah i hid in the toilet doing my makeup until all of them crammed in with wendy going all eager-like "I WANNA SEE, LEMME SEE, I WANNA LEARN, LEMME SEE." -.-* lol, then i ended up drawing black eyeliner on everyone, and erkor helped us stick on tattoos. woohoo i think mine looked so damn lian, but they were cool so who cares? butterflies rule! -grins :D

then wendy's mom came in and helped us with more of the makeup. she drew red eyeliner like curling on our eyelids and all, it's so frickin' cool womg :DD i think wendy's mom is so kickass cool, seriously, she like ENCOURAGED us to dress even more goth? she was like telling wendy "that does not look 'green day'! wear this instead!" how cool is that, homg. (: and then she wouldn't let wendy wear her knee-length skirt (cos she said it was "business-like"), instead she made her wear one of her own skirts that looked rlly frilly and cool but wendy thought it was ultrashort and kept complaining, haha. and she got so freaked out cos her mom saw cheryl's get-up and thought the skirt was nice so wendy made her explain to her mom that the skirt wasn't meant to be worn without pants under it, else her mom would probably make her wear skirts that short since she thought all wendy's friends wore them anyway. LOLLL (x and i absolutely babsolutely love wendy's maid. i don't her name, but it's the one who always opens the door for me. she is SO SWEET, omg. every time i come over, she goes "waaah, so pretty ahh" -smiles happily. i don't care if she says that to everyone (she probably does), it's still awfully sweet of her. she reminds me so much of my previous maid who just left; she was great fun! she always commented on all my outfits, and every time i came up with new combos that she'd never seen before she'd always get this really shocked expression and then stare and stare and staaare, then grin widely at me and gimme her thumbs-up approval (: ~~and she always envied my abs ((:~~

anyway after we spent like damn long putting on makeup (all except yvonne, such a cute little spoilsport - tsks) and fooling around in wendy's room, wendy's mom gave us a lift to shaw where we collected our tickets which had earlier been pre-booked by kira's dad (see, aren't our parents just sooo supportive? -grins). haha we all traipsed around with erkor, yvonne and i buying popcorn - sweet, of course - and shakira & wendy buying subway cookies. womg and yesss they didn't even check us :D haha actually i wouldn't know if it's surprising or not, because i only ever tried to get into fearless with my dad, and that was in bishan which is infamous for being damn strict when it comes to checking ics. besides, i wasn't really wearing outside clothes when i went there with dad; i had specs on and i wasn't really dressed up so yeah, but maybe even if i looked old enough they wlda checked anyway cos bishan is just a bitch, you know (alliteration!). haha but i like the shaw house uncle! he's the same uncle who let sam ting and i bring outside food in the last time even though he was standing right in front of a huge sign that said NO OUTSIDE FOOD :DD i rmbr blogging then that if i ever go watch anything thts nc16 or m18, i hope he's the doorman again. and my wish came true! it was the same uncle, and he just asked us "how old are you?" then let us all in (:(: how nice of him; GOD BLESS YOU, UNCLE! -grins (: ~~he even let yvonne in without checking her, how nice is that.~~ haha then kira was complaining that they all had to dress up because of me, cos most of them are 16 alrd anyway (x actually, all of them are, come to think of it. WHOOPS :X heh, but don't complain la kira. just try and pretend that you didn't enjoy the whole play dress-up thang as much as the rest of us, eh ;D

oh oh, here comes the good part. THE KING AND THE CLOWN WAS AMAZING. i will scream the next time i hear someone call it 'the korean brokeback mountain', (even though i used to refer to it as that before i watched it) simply cos it's not. it doesn't set out to be controversial and blatantly in-your-face, it sets out to be tragically beautiful. it has a level of subtlety that only asian films can have, its contains all the beauty of colourfully rich zhang yimou art films, and the same kind of gentle pacing then sudden rush. the whole thing just threatens to explode with repressed despair and inter-characteral tension. especially lee junki as goong gil, womg his whole character is like created before your eyes. his outspokenness and flirtatious banter on stage is just a clownish front for the painfully shy and submissive person he normally is. the opening scene is so significant in the sense that it's used again at the ending when jang seng is blind and goong gil is sobbing while delivering his lines, and the whole thing is just so warped and cruel and dystopic that i couldn't stop crying my eyes out into erkor's denim jacket. goong gil was choking on his words, and jang seng nearly stumbled off the tightrope now that his eyes have been sealed with iron by the tyrannical psychotic BASTAAARD king (i'm sorry, i really hate him), and the contrast between the opening scene and the closing scene is so stark and stirring that you can't help but realise how much these two men have lost from the start to the end. not only physically (in jang seng's case, his eyesight, and in goong gil's a whole lot of blood) but emotionally as well. it is so ironic that jang seng ran away with goong gil to escape a life of bondage and slavery, but only stumbled into a much bigger sense of both words. i think lee junki is heart-rending as goong gil. he's so painfully, painfully introverted that you feel hurt on his behalf whenever jang seng insults him in fits of frustration, and you just feel like screaming at the screen that no! he didn't do anything! he didn't sleep with the king! but then again, that's what makes his personality so vulnerable and endearing. he's just so self-depreciating and submissive that he refuses to deny anything people say about him. and near the end, after six dix took goong gil's arrow for him and died, and the psychotic king asked goong gil to shoot an arrow at one of the palace maids for fun (see what i mean by "psychotic"?), goong gil shot way off-mark and whispered one of the official's last words, then collapsed with tears running down his perfect face. the dramatic effect was just so striking that i fell even deeper in love with the movie than i was to begin with (i didn't even know it was possible). i fell in love with jang seng's cruelly ironic sense of self-mocking humour at the searing pain in his eyes, i fell in love with goong gil's lowered eyelids and silent tears at all the sadistic turns in his life, i fell in love with his expression when he saw jang seng blind but still walking on the tightrope, i fell in love with his tender pity for the king despite his childish brand of tyranny, i fell in love with goong gil's doll dance which he used as his only remaining outlet of free expression to re-enact the whole story of jang seng and the cruelty of the whole thing ("now that i'm blind, i can't play a blind man anymore! ha, ha.") my heart broke at jang seng's dry laughter, and it's about then that i started crying ~~and using erkor's jacket as tissue~~. it was just so sad and ingenious, how the director used the scene to show how these clowns find humour even in the darkest of moments and the darkest of places. how he used it to show that jang seng was a very real and feeling human, but he'd been treated as a sadistic whim in a fit of jealousy by a very insane king. i could feel the tragic beauty of goong gil's blood all pooling below the cloth screen as he controlled the dolls and slit his wrist kneeling behind it. and then the sudden shots of the rapidly spreading pool of crimson blood as his voice choked and his hands slide off the cloth screen. omg, omg. i really am in love, truly. who's the director? i am so, so in love with the ending scene. the contrasting tightrope walk, where their lines were actually symbolic of all the repressed thoughts they wanted to tell each other but couldn't say normally because the king was there watching. it's so beautiful how they used their lines to express what they wanted to say: jang seng's sardonic cynicism and resignment, goong gil's heartbroken despair and frustration. and then they throw all their troubles to the winds and start bouncing on the tightrope like they always used to, completely ignoring all the troops rushing in. at first i got kindof upset that the director froze the frame of both of them in mid-air facing each other and ended there, but later on i realised it was much more beautiful and touching that way. it left the audience with such a heartbreakingly carefree image in their hearts, despite the ugly backdrop of bloody war and revolution.

shit, now i want to cry all over again. imma tell my dad to buy the dvd, because it's the epitome of cathartic films and i shall watch that film whenever i feel like a really good cry (: besides, it has like zero actual gay sex in it so my dad won't feel really scandalised or anything. hoho. listening to 'honey i know' by se7en right now, oh man listening to breezy korean r&b like 'beautiful life' by dbsk and 'sweet sound' and 'sometimes' by minwoo reminds me so much of 'king and the clown'. but amazingly, so does 'war on sound' by moonbabies and to a small extent, 'you are my joy' by reindeer section. that whole idea of seemingly carefree whimsical tunes coupled with hidden angst in the undertones. heh, i've labelled it the grey's anatomy sound, cos all the songs that come from there have that tone, kind of like the movie itself. on the surface, it seems like just a bunch of scandals amidst the hospital backdrop of med interns competing for surgeries and favour. but every episode makes you think and reflect on something, usually about life and morality, and i know it's cliche but that's what makes it so thought-provoking (:

womg i digressed so much, can't believe it. haha anyway after we watched king and the clown we walked over to suntec and walked a whole circle around the fountain of wealth before finally deciding on pastamania. for some reason everyone wasn't really hungry, probably because they were all still depressed from the movie. heh, except me. as in i was depressed too but i was hungry, so maybe i get hungry when i'm depressed. you'd be amazing how tiring it is to cry during movies. i felt so... drained of tears when i came out of the cinema. ack, erkor kept patting me on the head while i was crying -.-" i don't think she cried actually, or maybe i just didn't notice cos i was busy crying as well :X but then again, erkor's a silent crier so she probably did it silently. hm. and then after dinner we all rushed to the esplanade by the underpass cos sam's performance started in like 5 minutes. haha those crazies la, they insisted on standing in front of the LG screen in suntec (the one in front of anderson's and iora) and waiting for the dbsk handphone commercial to appear O.o HAHA. but it was a hot ad, i admit. yunho looked especially good -grins and looks guiltily biased (:

thankfully we rushed and got there in time, right when the emcee was doing her intro (: then we met jiaying there holding her sam submarine! hoho i shall never forget that adorable sam submarine -looks at jiaying and giggles. jy and i have good taste, i swear. it was like i looked at the emcee and went "jiaying!" and poked her on the arm, and then she looked at me all excited and went "yeah i know, mel! the emcee very chio right!" WOMG, we are like psychic -winks at jy : D why does jiaying not have msn! ohwait or maybe she does. haha she's nice to talk to, and we have like common taste :D and i can trust her not to bitch about me at least, unlike SOME PEOPLE. anyway sam came out first dance! then she later told us that she was so surprised to see jiaying, shakira and yvonne there when she turned her head during one of the moves. HAHAHA. wendy or jy (i forgot which one) said that sam "dian"-ed (electrocuted?) her with one of her looks during the perf. aha cos there were alot of dance moves where they turned their heads suddenly to look at the audience. ohman it was really, really damn nice :D i felt so arty farty that day, cos we dressed up cosplayishly (or at least roleplayishly, heh), went to watch a semi-art film, then hung out at esplanade and watched artsy modern dance performances (: yes, i say performanceS because we stayed for the second one as well, but jy and yvonne had to leave cos jy had t meet her dad and yvonne's parents were there alrd ): we stayed because ~~we crush sam ;D~~ the performance was really, really good. as in the kind you don't mind watching a second time even though it's the exact same dances and dancers and all. ~~the exact same chio emcee too.~~ and the second time round, wendy smartly asked if we should take photos! so i realised that i was the only one around with a functioning "camera" (my cam-phone) as kira's and wendy's had both run outta battery coincidentally at the same time :/ but unfortunately my cam-phone can't take fast shots cos of the autofocus function (which i obviously don't know how to turn off) so some pics turned out a bit blurry. but i have a great shot of sam dian-ing the camera with her typical sam smile! :D imma edit and write "we love sam" or "perfect dancer" or something along those lines (x

anyway after we rushed back and forth trying to ~~stalk~~ catch sam and hug her before she had to run off for debriefing, we walked back through the long, long underpass to the mrt at raffles city. oh but before that, we did some SERIOUS camwhoring in the toilet, of all places. it's fun, really! cos it was the kind with mirrors in the middle and sinks on both sides, so we hid on the inside side so people who came in were on the outside side of the mirrors and couldn't really see what we were doing (oh man, sounds scandalous). okay fine, i admit it all started with me sneaking shots of the other three washing their makeup and tattoos off (x so now we all have shots of me holding the cam and laughing away while erkor pulls at her eyebags in an attempt to get the eyeliner off. or me giggling in the background while sneaking a shot of kira scratching to get a scorpion (tattoo) off her arm. HEH, amusing :DD then somehow we all ended up doing typical dbsk poses as well as generally kawaii/dao poses and now we have multiple shots of two, three, and four of us in various positions with different expressions -beams (: ~~yes, i know that sounded sick~~. the lighting in the toiler was terrible though, cos the only light source came from these bright lights between mirrors, so it was the camera faced the light all the time ): ohwell, it made for cool effects later on though. check shakira's blog, she actually made a collage and it's REALLY COOL. who knew kira had artistic talent like that, eh? XD

oh and after camwhoring we realised ~~people were staring at us after coming out from their cubicles~~ it was getting late so we needed to get home else our parents would scream cos most of us take like one hour plus to get home. and oh my fiddly fie, we had so much FUNNNN walking to the mrt at raffles city through the underpass. they still had lots of lights on and it wasn't scary or deserted or anything cos it was only 9 plus, so i started using my phone to video everyone but then my phone is lousy for videos, it can only video for ten seconds straight (like, wtf?!!). so shakira whipped out hers (whoa!) and it could video for like 30 seconds (which is actually quite alot, once you start videoing). then everything onwards from there was crazy, because at first it was only kira and i spazzing at the back with the videophone and cheryl & wendy were walking sanely in front. and then after that we caught up with them at the escalator and knowing how erkor loves to camwhore, ohmy she was unstoppable! and then during one of the vid clips i helpfully explained she was acting dao for the camera. HAHA, and i tried to turn her head to face the cam and she SNORTED, but the stupid cam didn't catch it ): and then there's one of kira stalking wendy! wendy and i were innocently walking in front frat-girl style with our arms around each other's shoulders, then kira came along and started videoing wendy from the BACK?! womg i swear, that girl has stalkeresque tendencies XD then she actually videoed our butts swaying in synchro?! wendy and i seriously had no idea our butts swayed in synchro when we walked, but whatever, it can be taken as a sign of comradeship! (since we're all lit students, anyway).

after we reached the mrt station we said bye to wendy (who almost got onto the wrong train until i kindly pointed out she was on the wrong platform), and kira erkor and i took the same train. fwaha kira had a lot of fun collecting blackmail material from us on the train, i tell you. she instigated us into making stupid faces at the camera like those taiwanese shows where they say "GO!" and you hafta make as many different expressions as you can at the camera in 30 seconds :DD we made total fools of ourselves on the mrt man, haha but i don't give a damn cos noone recognises me in school u anyway. it's been proven LOTS of times (x and then erkor and i happily loop-played random dbsk songs all the way to cck -smiles happily :D i bought root beer at the interchange and erkor waited with me and i actually finished the root beer before i got on the bus for once! haha sorry, i just had to insert something totally random there after writing for hours and thousands of words (i know because the last time i counted it was 3,629 i think; now it's probably 4000 over). if you've read till here, i salute because you have just read over 4000 words of my blogprose :D you are indeed a devoted reader, hoho. thank you, thank you -bows and curtsies.

overall, dbsk outing was total complete unadulterated LOVE :D we need to have another one sometime soon! and since yvonne went with us, i shall consider her initiated into dbsk409, heh i asked kira to send her an invite to the yahoogroups alrd (: speaking of dbsk409, erkor says we the founding members shall be called DB4 -.-" tsk, her and her lewd names again. ~~why is erkor always the one to coin lewd phrases?~~ hoho. but really, i'm so glad there was lit filming cos otherwise the four of us would never have had the chance to work together and laugh together and stress together and well, FILM together. and then we'd never have realised we had so many things in common, and we wouldn't have become closer like we are now. (i actually think we're beginning to influence innocent wendy -gasps). yep, anyway I LOVE YOU GUYS :D it's dbsk409 and DB4 together all the way, YAY!

hey, it will be alright
i just found myself in ways i could not help
it will be alright,
just find a state where everything's passing by.

2006-07-06T19:04:00.000+08:00

but it might surprise you to find,
there's something going on behind the door

urgh i know i should probably blog about dbsk outing but oh whatever, i just checked shakira's blog and she blogged about it alrd so i shall save myself the hassle (: or at least, maybe i'll blog later when i'm feeling less jaded at the world in general. hello you, if you're reading this don't bother correcting my usage of the word 'jaded' cos your grammar really isn't all that good either, despite how highly you might think of yourself.

don't you just hate it when people try to act like psychiatrists and shrinkify you? for example, when you don't talk much or specifically don't talk to them, they assume you're angry. and then they start speculating about WHY you're angry, when most of the time any conclusions they come to are really far-fetched and untrue. most of the time they'll assume you're angry over something you don't even know exists. and some people just feel the need to bitch about other people, not for any particular reason but simply for fun or because they're not happy about your marks, even though your marks couldn't be less of their business. they just need to turn everyone around them against you, thanks to their insecure lack of anything resembling morals. or logic and reasonability, for that matter. then it gets you all paranoid when you have to rush to remove all your friends from anywhere within a 5 meter radius (-thinks of wendy and her 5 meter radius rule) around them because you're so scared aforementioned friends will get contaminated by their alarming saccharine-sick toxicity levels.

you know what, if you're not happy with me or things that i do somehow offend you in any way (although i'm not exactly sure how that's possible, since i barely ever interact with you), just come and tell me to my face, alright? some people might think it was pointless, but i actually think that positive/negative comments thing jkoh thought up was pretty useful. cos at least i knew what problems people had with me, and guess what, some of them turned out to be the exact same things certain people were bitching about. and really, i'd much rather talk to people like amanda and sam who tells you when you're doing something wrong or when they're not happy with whatever you're doing. like, tell you to your face. and you know what? i know exactly why you're being so clandestine and you think you're being really clever and all and that i won't ever find out that you say things behind my back, but it's actually pretty damned obvious. and you would know, if you actually had the slightest sense of intuition or like say, a cubic nanometer of streetsmarts. it's because you're well aware that all your so-called accusations are completely groundless, so we can't exactly blame you for being afraid to open up about it, can we?

i know my faults, okay? i know that a lot of people have a problem with me being overly competitive and whatnot, and apparently (which i learnt from the +ve/-ve comments thing, once again) people mind an awful lot when i refuse to reveal my marks. okay, honestly i know how competitive i am; i mean, i did get competition as one of my top 5 strengths after all, but the not telling marks thing? i really don't get why it's such a big issue, and people like aileen and yvonne who have competition as one of their top strengths too would understand. why is it anyone else's business what my marks are?! why do people mind when i don't want to tell them my marks? does it really matter if they know my marks, if they're not competitive themselves?! of course i accept that some people may have different reasons for not liking it, so i've really tried to tone down and if you'd bothered to notice, i never flare up when people know my marks anymore. in fact, (with the exception of when i do really badly) when people ask for my marks, i do tell them. when jt asked me for my ss marks today, it was a perfect example. and one of the reasons why i never used to like to tell people my marks even when i did well was, contradictory to what i know CERTAIN people would gladly say about me, ABSOLUTELY NOT because "oh mel doesn't want her rivals to know she did well and start working harder to beat her; she wants to take them by surprise so they don't know how well she's doing" or whatever shit. it's cos if you tell people what you got and you got higher than them, their resentment of you grows exponentially with the difference between your marks and theirs. and besides, someone commented in my -ve comments that i like to brag about my marks, apparently. so what am i supposed to do? if i don't show my marks, they say i don't show. if i show, then they say i brag. am i supposed to grab my test paper and run to the toilet with it to hide from everyone else so they can't criticise my reaction? and you know how much our class likes to bitch, it's like nothing can escape certain people's attention. i'm just so bloody tired of looking over my shoulder all the time to see if anyone's busy stabbing a spear into my back. oh wait, this is rgs so she's more likely to use a purposeful pen. you know what they say, the pen is mightier than the sword eh.

anyway after all that shit, i was so moved when wendy told me that she and shakira had been planning to tell me something today but because the topic came up when i was talking to her on msn last night, she said it first. saved her from having to broach the topic (x she was like "we just wanted to let you know that we're your friends and we'll be here for you, so if there's anything you can come to us if you need to vent" cos she knew about all the hooha regarding some people. i think wendy is so absolutely sweet (: and sincere and all. and shakira too! and erkor. only i wish erkor'd stop making nice to some people, but it's logically not very possible because then they'd start suspecting things. and thanks sharm too, for being so supportive and just, well, being there for me. i know people say bitchy stuff about you, but i think you rock :D and rhea, sam, cellie and twinn for providing comic entertainment (cellie and twinn) and support (all of you). i love you guys, you've never failed to be there for me ever since sec one (erkor, cellie, sam, rhea and twinn i mean) all the way until now and i dunno, it's great to know that no matter what happens i'll always have true friends like you (: i guess i'm just trying to say, THANKS YOU GUYS, all of you :D

i'll never break your sweet heart,
cos you are my joy, you are my joy
you are my joy, you are my joy.

2006-06-30T21:44:00.000+08:00

做梦, 白日梦
你怎么可能爱上我
做梦, 白日梦
我不过是你的游戏吗

womg i am officially addicted to green forest! OWEN OWEN OWEN (: oh man he's so cute and hot and talented and artistic and romantic and sweet and gentle and kind and loving and understanding and boyishly playful and funny and SAAAAAD OMG POOR THING, how could sophie have the heart to reject him?! he completely broke my heart when he was crying behind the wall in the rain, after he heard sophie and william talking. i think he's so sweet and self-sacrificial omg he's the first guy who ever made me go "who the hell cares if he has money or not, he's the best guy in the universe" (: seriously, he's like exactly the type celeste said i should marry. hahaha to quote her exactly, "mel! you should marry a hot and siao guy, so you won't get bored". heh, she does have a point though, although in retrospect what she said sounds kind of sick when you consider the possible connotations :/ too much handmaid's tale alrd -looks at twinn. ANGEL! LISTEN UP, I'VE CAUGHT YOUR TENDENCY TO BE A SUCKER FOR PERSONALITY. i am officially in love with owen's personality, ~~though of course the perfect looks and perfect clothes and perfect violin playing help too.~~ (:

math test today! it was quite okay, finished it in the fastest time i ever finished a math test in (: 25 mins before time was up, but i think it was quite easy for most people as well cos jt finished 5 mins before me and sam finished 10 mins before me; haha i know cos we were all telling each other how paranoid we were when we finished so early. it's like when you finish early you start wondering if you were overly careless or missed something out; i actually checked the back of the question paper twice to see if i missed out questions at the back (even though the front had "end of paper" written on it). then i checked so many times cos i refused to accept that i couldn't spot any careless errors. haha somehow i feel more secure when i spot careless mistakes and actually manage to correct them, and then i breathe a sigh of relief and sit back sipping water (x i really hope i do well for this test! then my math marks'll get pulled up and maybe i'll get a 4.0 for math this year :DD i really really REALLY want a 4.0, i crave desire yearn need long for it. ~~that was grammatically incorrect but whatever.~~ my daddy would be so proud! :D i know last year some people kept saying that i should wanna score for myself and not for my dad, and of course i want to do well for myself just as much. but i guess ever since i was small, dad's always been there motivating me to excel in stuff, and it's become a habit to always wanna get his approval when i do things. it's like when daddy says i've done well, it suddenly seems like i've done twice as well as i actually have (:

went to twinn's house today! haha last term it was like my second home or smth. even her sister is used to my crazy outbursts alrd, and i admit that today i was VERY out of control. i mean, we were watching green forest episodes on youtube so what do you expect? XD twinn likes owen too! i can't believe it, he doesn't seem like a twinn type of a guy. ~~i always thought twinn only liked elves and footballers.~~ but then again, we are twinns so her taste can't be that different from mine (: she calls william a spoilt rich brat, and after watching a few episodes i gathered as much too. i mean who the hell has four, five bodyguards following him to the first day of FIRST GRADE?! dude, that is seriously overexaggeration. they even blocked all the other kids so his limo could pull up to the school and drop him off. womg and they tried to follow him into the school as well, and being the rich brat he is he was like ordering them around. how old is this boy, six?! owen was so much sweeter as a little boy, such an amazing sense of justice -smiles wistfully (: he actually went to warn sophie's adopted sister not to bully her cos sophie was way too nice. womg her adopted sister is just EVIL, PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL. i tell you, she deserves anything that gets thrown at her in the rest of the show. first when they were small she cut the cord on owen and her sister's cute little telephone device so sophie couldn't hear that owen was going to england, then she stole the letter meant for her sister from william and told william her own name instead of sophie's, then she bluffed william and said her sister had gone home so he couldn't meet her for the last time before going to austria, and then when he came back and mistook her for the girl he liked when they were small she didn't even bother to clear up the misunderstanding, then when there was this scandal that erupted she let everyone think that her and william were engaged (thus making sophie think that william didn't like her after all), then she rejected this really cute metro guy who is so darn sweet he helped her chase william and refused to stop helping her even when she threw a bitchy tantrum at him, and then she provoked her ex-boyfriend so he went to break william's mansion window and try to kidnap both william and sophie. SEE HOW EVIL SHE IS ): how can such evil people exist, womg it's like their sole purpose of existence is to screw up everyone else's lives and sabotage other people's happiness.

fwaah twinn is whining about her football withdrawal now, ~~see what i meant about liking footballers~~. omg tomorrow imma be bored before and after church, maybe i should stop by wendy's house to keep her company. she sounds really trapped, being voluntarily locked up in her room like that. i keep getting the feeling that she's under siege or smth :/ shakira suggested going over to her hse earlier on monday so we can keep her company before watching the king and the clown, yep haha i warned wendy that i might end up sitting on the couch playing ps2 with her brother and his friends as well. although i doubt it, cos i probably suck compared to all those guys who play ps 24/7 at home while i (gasp) don't even own one yet :X no matter, imma get ps3 when it finally comes out in singapore, dad promised :D

做梦, 白日梦
梦比现实更难受 .

2006-06-29T20:03:00.000+08:00

cheoeom buteo urin uhmyeong chorom
mannada, heeojigir, banbokhaedo

just finished watching my very first episode of GREEN FOREST, womg i'm so gonna get the boxed edition of that series. it's like serious eyecandy, i kept getting sensory overload cos there were good looking people everywhere! one after another, really! and every time yet another one showed up i was like "ANOTHER ONE? OMFG HOW MANY HOT PEOPLE ARE THERE IN THIS SHOW?!" womg and that owen violinist guy looks like a cross between julian hee and the guy from prince turns frog, he just looks like a model from every angle :DD he has this boyish look though, so he looks more abercrombie model than ralph lauren but still models are models eh ;D aaaah but he looks so... young and cocky and cute womg it's like the total opposite of the william guy. i can't believe this lucky girl has not one but TWO hot guys desperately chasing her and throwing jealous tantrums over her, and she keeps rejecting both of them?! but at least it's not like those annoying serials where it's so obvious that one guy's dropdead ugly and the other one is damn cute and sweet and rich and all, but the girl just seems to be blind and not get it. this one's got a real dilemma cos owen is like hot musician boy and william is like cool rich ceo guy, complete with the smartass chauffeur. aaah i think he looked so kickass cool walking down the corridor in his business suit and all those bodyguards walking in sync behind him ((: erkor says kwon sang woo did the same thing in stairway to heaven and womg guaranteed kwon sang woo would look ten times hotter :D ack but i didn't wanna watch stairway to heaven cos it looks so damn serious and tragic and sad ): i never go for that type, except when it's one of those fighting shows where the victims of tragedy are a hot bandit swordsman and his pretty sister who can fight almost as well as him and who he fell for when he thought she wasn't his sister but just a random official trying to arrest him because she was in love with her superior who liked her from young and died in the end but before aforementioned hot bandit guy died with his sister. they died together! like holding hands and lying in the grass bleeding! isn't that just the epitome of cathartic korean tragedy :DD ~~haha shit i sound like a sadist.~~ but seriously, it's just so cathartic to have that ending scene tear at your heart and then you sob when she goes "ge..." and reaches across to her dying brother and then he takes her hand and dies and then she smiles and dies and you SOBBB ): it does wonders for stress relief, believe me.

oh i saw a trailer on channel u just now for some new korean drama called last dance, it looks cool! haha but really angsty and melodramatic with a lot of guys in business suits facing off and people crying and kissing (sometimes at the same time). typical fare, actually. but the main actor on the series cover - or whatever you call that thing the series name appears in on tv - looks like shi kyeung! teh pretty boy please (: maybe he IS shi kyeung, just without the trademark fashion glasses. man, korean guys are so frickin metro nowadays; the taiwanese guys are even worse, i bet at least half of them are either gay or turning gay in the future. you can't be that metro and stay straight forever - lesson learnt from that new book by lauren weisberger (the woman who wrote "the devil wears prada"), everyone worth knowing. it's damn damn nice! it'd make anyone who reads it want to go into pr relations :DD

i shall post publicity for sam here: everyone go watch the performance by sam's modern dance group at the esplanade on monday! they're called tari young theatre or smth like that (sorry sam, please don't kill me) :X i really can't rmbr, and twinn happily left my flyer in the classroom. oh well anyway there are two half-hour shows from 7.30 to 8 and from 8.30 to 9, at the upper concourse. listen up, it is FREE, cos it's like a set-up stage so people just go there and watch (: shakira wendy erkor and i and maybe twinn and yvonne too are gonna watch king and the clown before that :DD LEE JUNKI LOVE! :D oh freak math test tmr, i better go do some of those revision exercises :/ at least i finished quiz 2 alrd (:

random footnote: minwoo wrote his own lyrics for "sometimes"!! womg how hot is that. i have real respect for guys who write their own lyrics and compose their own songs like YOOCHUN OMG -thinks of his touching "yeo wu bi" performance on xman. :DD

eonjena, sweet sound sound you stay on my mind
nae mameun hangsang neol bureugo isseo.

2006-06-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

baby i'm too lost in you
caught in you, lost in everything about you
so deep i can't sleep, i can't think
i just think about the things that you do

rahhh i'm BACK from canada! i'm too lazy to blog about the whole thing since i already blogged in the im-mortals blog, so i shall paste it here (:

Tuesday, June 20, 2006
11:43 PM

i am temperamental,
like a heart without a home

helloooo sweethearts i haven't blogged for so long here, so i'll do us all the honour of blogging from all the way across the globe here in vancouver (: okay fine technically it's richmond, but nobody knows where richmond is so everyone just says vancouver since that's the nearest tourist hotspot :D to lou who may not know, richmond's the small town in canada i grew up in when i was a little girl. i'm using the com at my uncle's house now, and yes it's the same house i played with my cousins in and fooled around during house parties in and spilt stuff in and ran up/down the stairs in when i was little [: i miss this place so bad, the last time i came back was two years ago and this time we only get to stay for three full days cos dad came back for business so mom and i just tagged along. it's crazy, really; 40-over hours aka two days of flight time to spend three days here. haha mom was grumbling about the cost of the plane tickets (x i don't know, i was kinda scared to come back cos i knew three days wouldn't be enough. just when you're starting to get used to everything around you again, you hafta take a twenty-hour flight back to hot, humid, noisy singapore :/ singapore has its good points too - it's got more people and more shopping and it's generally, well, louder - but i'm still gonna miss this place when i get back ):

shopping here's so-so, but i get most of my stuff here via presents from relatives, needless to say -grins. my godmom bought me bags :D one's hilfiger and the other one i haven't checked but it's rlly colourful and it's like HUGE. womg womg my cousin got me grey's anatomy season one (((((((: YESSS. now imma ask her for season two, heh. yikes i sound like such an ingrate, haha. daddy finally got me that adidas sling for next year, cos i'm so not lugging a backpack to school anymore. if you carry it too high it'll look damn toot and if you carry it low like i do it'll kill your back if it's too heavy. so after char showed me how her nike sling looks small from the outside but is actually rlly big on the inside, i concluded that appearances are deceiving and imma buy one of those slings myself (: thanks daaaad :DD bought one of those denim 3/4s as well; yes i know it's lian but what the hell eh the cutting was to die for ;D and anyway, now lian is in so who cares -blushes.

yep that was from the im-mortals blog. check it out, go click on the link under my links, it's under high-fliers i think. omg omg and smth that i didn't say in that entry cos it happened after i blogged; i saw a minwoo lookalike at the airport! -squeals and fangirls. ~~seriously, i'm always spotting hot boys at the airport.~~ some taiwanese boy with his sister and dad. and no, i did NOT stalk him -stares at shakira, i didn't ogle him either okay! i discreetly tried to ascertain the degree of resemblance he bore to the real minwoo (: he doesn't really look miraculously like minwoo, but considering the age gap and all it's a pretty close match. he had minwoo's messy bed hair from the if you mv, and at first i thought he was wearing school u (stupid i know, considering it was at the airport) but it was actually a white collared shirt. womg i think my mother thought i was crazy cos i kept grinning like a madgirl on the plane ride to taipei [: fwaah he triggered another wave of minwoo obsession, so on the flight i kept listening to minwoo's 2nd winds :D first thing i did when i turned on the com after we got home was to go online and search for minwoo pics, haha and now i have minwoo big big on my desktop YAY :DD

yikes i miss richmond so baaaaadddddddd )): and seriously i don't get why the first thing everyone says when i mention "vancouver" is "omg vancouver! the place with a lot of hot guys!" :X honestly, i'm like HUH, REALLY?! i mean i was born there and i never noticed any hot guys, really. as in not to the extent where every guy who walks down the street looks like a ralph lauren model. i never really looked at the guys there at all, actually. it's like, err well, asking any one of my friends if they've heard that singapore is famous for hot guys. ~~it's not, but this is an example.~~ i guess what i'm trying to say is, if you grew up there and all it doesn't really strike you to pay special attention to what the guys on the street look like :/ but after hearing countless people tell me how lucky i am, i decided to observe the general... standard? ~~ohgod that sounds so bad.~~ erks well anyway i concluded that it's not cos vancouver has hot guys, it's cos singaporean girls are deprived. seriously, there aren't a lot of exceptionally good looking people there, but i guess everyone is talking about is that generally everyone looks okay. there aren't a LOT of hot people, but noone's actually ugly. like NOONE. okay fine, very very very few. our age, i mean; of course the old fat balding middle aged men don't count XD

i miss the atmosphere! ): everything there is so relaxed and the mall is so deserted compared to singapore. erks, anyway an update: today is wed, actually i blogged this like sat or smth. dinner now, so tata.

why'd you cry, for the guy
say goodbye, run away.

2006-06-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

2006-06-12T14:41:00.000+08:00

you never let me cry
but dear, you never said goodbye

draw your tears with love. i love love love x-japan! womg wenting was right, tears is so emo and angsty and touching ); but i still like silent jealousy better, it sounds so final fantasy-ish, just that there are no english words throughout the whole thing so i don't understand ): can someone pls tell me what the j-rock equivalent of aheeyah is! cos i dunno where to get jap lyrics atall. ooooh silent jealousy does have this english part after all, but the only part i can decipher goes "stop my tears", wtf why are their accents so strong. okay after hearing the silent jealousy guitar solo, i am now officially in love with their lead guitarist. besides also being in love with keita from w-inds, hyde from l'arc en ciel, minwoo from shinhwa, yunho from dbsk, and se7en from nowhere of course :D oh and i just started watching this series called house m.d., it ROCKS (: i think doctor house is such a cool name, doctor house doctor house. and doctor chase rocks! he is such a hot rich cute spoiltbrat with nice hair and adorable personality -looks at angel :DD

it's funny how a man only thinks about the *toot*
you got a real big heart, but i'm lookin' at your *toot*
you got real big brains, but i'm lookin' at your *toot*
girl, there ain't no pain at me lookin' at your *toot*

i don't give a ____,
keep lookin' at mah *toot*
cos it don't mean a thing if you're lookin' at my *toot*
imma do my thang while you're playin' with your *toot*

i swear, that is so true. guys only think with their dicks (okay fine bryan, balls), and really superheroes are really no exception. i'm so bloody annoyed that he's such a smart~~ass~~ usually but wtf he actually likes someone so stupid?! doesn't it mean a thing that she has absolutely no brains whatsoever and is such a fucking flirt all the time and wtf i hate this cos i can't elaborate else it becomes damn obvious who it is. fuck, i refuse to stoop to her level and sharm's convinced me that we should all go 'fuckalala' and forget about smart boys who seem to have such intellectual telepathy with us but turn out to be complete dumbasses in the end. don't let indomee get on your nerves, babe! cos we're cooler than the red dress, yeah (: fuck, but i had real respect for him, i really did. but i guess he turned out to be a different person than i thought he was eh. sharmmm, i know i agree with all the stuff you said and it's true that if he shows himself to have such bad taste he obviously isn't on the same thought level after all, but but but. i dunno, don't you feel so disappointed in mankind after this? and i really mean mankind, as in guykind excluding the girls. if even genius boys like them can think with their -s like that, doesn't it tell you something about the rest of them? obviously there doesn't seem to be any hope left for the rest, does there.

and if you don't respect it, i'll pick up my jimmy choos
cos boy, if you don't love me then i've got nothing to lose

once again as predicted, i left my broken heart open and you ripped it out. something's got me reeling, stopped me from believing; turn me around again. said that we can do it, you know i wanna do it again.

every morning there's a heartache hanging
from the corner of my girlfriend's four-post bed
i know it's not mine and i know she says she loves me,
but i never could believe what she said

2006-06-02T20:38:00.000+08:00

oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
lead me out on the moonlit floor
lift your open hand,
strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
silver moon's sparkling; so kiss me

YAY D6 OUTING TODAY; D6 FOREVER! :D i have two things to say. firstly, i love d6 with all my heart, honestly i do. cos even though after four years, after the upper sec separation, it's neither as strong nor as natural anymore, but that bond between us is still there. and i know that personally i'll never ever forget you guys. i know i'm gonna miss d6 even more during jc than i do now, even though i already do miss it every single day at school. cos in jc the campus is huge and we'll all have different subject combinations and different classes and different schedules. i mean, rgs is tiny and we still got split up in such a screwed up way; can you imagine rjc?! it's sad how as you move onwards through life and you grow older and all, you suddenly wish you'd kept in touch with all those close friends you'd had when you were younger. you start to realise how easy it was at the time to just let those friendships slip through your fingers like glittering shards of broken glass; myriads of snapped string and ribbon. i hope d6 won't turn out as a faded palimpsest of faraway memories, cos really that's what a lot of things in my life have turned into. of course, some things are better off left as memories, but d6 definitely isn't one of those things. i dunno, like rhea said, i guess there was something missing today, and i won't blame anyone really, cos there were a lot of factors like lack of time, which meant we couldn't do most of the things we usually do on a traditional d6 outing. like the pick-clothes-game, for instance -grins. we've so gotta play that at our next outing :D

okay, the second thing i have to say is that i love love absolutely love rhea to bits! she somehow succeeded in teaching me how to take out my contacts quickly and painlessly. i hereby declare rhea the contact lens pro! (: she rocks! you know all along i had this absurd notion that you can't wipe your hands on anything after washing them and before putting on/taking off your contacts? then rhea finally drilled it into my head that the reason why i have such trouble taking out my contacts is cos you're actually SUPPOSED to dry your hands on a clean towel before you take them out! i dunno, i always thought the towel particles would get stuck on my fingers and then somehow get transferred to my contact lens ): haha but thanks to rhea and her "dry your hands on a clean towel laa!" and her "your contacts lenses aren't supposed to come into contact with water!", i took out my contacts in record time after the outing. really, BOTH contacts came out first try! this is the first time that's ever happened before. haha yes i know i'm unpro, but this is a big thing for me! -beams.

anyway i shall blog about d6 outing now :D had a change of plans, so instead of meeting at west mall we met at ps. womg, it was raining like shit in the late morning just when i left the house to go to the bus stop across the road?! it was hell, i tell you. even though it's only what, a few metres? to cross the road, go down the steps, cross the overhead brige and walk down the steps again. but i was thoroughly soaked okay. like seriously, my jeans were wet through and i dripped water onto the bus as well as from the bus all the way to ps. it was freezing cos ps has air con and my jeans were soaked so my legs had cold water plastered to them )): poor erkor reached like half an hour before everyone else, hoho. when she left the house i was still struggling to get my contacts into my eyes :/ then celeste brought _____ cos he was at lot one with her (i really don't see the relevance, but oh whatever love is logic-less). haha erkor had a field day, i don't think she's ever teased any one person that much in a single day in her entire life XD

we watched xmen3! omg womg, yowzaaaa angel is hot (: i am in love with angel, seriously. even rhea thinks he's cute and that his wings are fucking cool omg omg -hyperventilates. HE CAN FLY! and not like those cheap fakes batman and superman either (i mean, gadgets and superpowers are so... unnatural). angel has WINGS! :D like big white fluffy real wings, and he flies over the city with them! omg i am in love with the way he flies, something about the way he keeps his body straight ~~and his abs showing~~ and his wings spread out ninety degrees, swooping over all those tiny humans (:(: i'd love to go flying with him -smiles wistfully (: so much more incredible to be carried by an actual ANGEL (or at least, an angel-like guy) than a guy who wears his super underpants on the outside? sure, brandon routh is hot and all, but i never really liked the superman in cartoons. batman's cool, though :D and gambit is still the hottest cartoon character ever -grins at erkor :D he like oozes bad boy ~~sex~~ appeal, seriously ((:

then after x3 we went down to take neos at that minitoons store in the ps basement. at least i think it's a minitoons store; it sold stuffed toys but it had neoprint machines in the corner. it's the one all 9 of us took neos at during nahd's birthday celebration. YAY NEOS! we haven't taken neos together for so long, so it's nice to finally have neos with all 6 of us inside (: even if that particular neoprint machine just had to be damnass annoying, we had no idea how it worked and it was the irritating type that takes sudden shots without telling you first ): so there was one random shot of erkor standing there looking to one side, cos we'd all vacated the area (we thought no more shots left) and she was the only one standing there looking blur. fortunately, we took that out later on when we got to choose pictures. i shall scan our neos in! haha at least when i figure out how to use the printer, that is (x oh oh and we met arie outside the neoprint place, she was with her parents and brother. yay nice arie helped us take a group shot :D PRINGLES AD! -grins.

walked around for awhile, then celeste and sam had to leave ): so the four of us + arie walked around ps basement looking at clothes, womg and fox pants annoy me )): after seeing geri's cool boxer-attached cargos, i went to try this 3/4 pants with the same boxer attachment and SHITTTT LA IT'S DAMN SMALL. the size is seriously misleading, i don't understand how my current pair of jeans can be 5 sizes smaller. those pants like got stuck at my butt! and after i pulled them up couldn't button. ~~bloody hell, make me feel fat only~~ ):): rhea or someone suggested going to another fox store somewhere else cos they didn't have geri's type of pants there anyway but whatever, now i want those cute cargos from esprit :D:D they're so pretty and classy womg they go with heels. i've never before encountered cargos that actually look good with heels! i want those cargos, ahhhh. but they cost $69.90 laaa, hafta convince mom to buy them for me :/ sickening, prices nowadays. haha you know arie, rhea and i wandered into this ulu shop in the ps basement and the prices were the same as esprit's? we were like, wtf?! and walked out cos the clothes weren't that nice anyway.

yep, then arie left to meet her parents upstairs and the four of us walked to the bus stop to take bus home. rhea and i both agreed that this d6 outing felt uncharacteristically short and well, awkward, at times. that's what i think anyway, the awkward part. i think next time we should go somewhere with a lot of stuff to look at and try on and whatnot. like isetan at shaw, or some other random departmental store. i love departmental stores, really. they're my second favourite shopping location, after clothing markets in other countries (: i still remember all the times we hurricaned through isetan on our "prom dress shopping spree", ahh the memories XD or all the pick-clothes games at this fashion. fwaah next time we should get a better neoprint machine as well, the one at lot one is really good; the pictures are HUGE (: but all in all, today was a great time to bond and it was simply great, cos for once all six of us were there! that's what makes it priceless, really (:

next up are my outings with rheaaaa :D:D we are so gonna own parco bugis, and jurong point, and the national library, and wherever else we're going on all our outings. i love rhea's mom! she's so nice and cool and generous and womg she is like the cook from heaven, seriously. she actually told me to tell her what i wanted to eat when i'm going over! yesss rhea, i shall be sure to go over and ~~eat all that delicious food~~ keep you company one of these days :D

i keep thinking times will never change, keep on thinking things will always be the same. but when we leave this year, we won't be coming back; no more hanging out cos we're on a different track. and if you got something that you need to say, you better say it right now cos you don't have another day. cos we're moving on and we can't slow down, these memories are playing like a film without sound, and i keep thinking of that night in june. i didn't know much of love, but it came too soon. and there was me and you, and then we got real blue, stay at home talking on the telephone; and we would get so excited, we'd get so scared, laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair. and this is how it feels.

as we go on, we remember
all the times we had together
and as our lives change, come whatever
we will still be, friends forever.

2006-06-01T19:51:00.000+08:00

you told me you needed space,
with a kiss on the side of my face

YAY CLASS VIDEO FILMING TODAY ROCKED :D people who didn't come seriously don't know what they missed, cos we were camwhoring like crazy shites and the filming itself was really cool as well. although half my scene got deleted away by wendy's ~~assholicannoyingbiased~~ video cam ): womg erkor and kim had such a cool pause-roll-point-gun sequence; it looked almost choreographed. and after being tied to a black meeting chair for about an hour on and off, i refuse to play hostage anymore. typecast or no typecast -sulks at shakira. next time the hostage better get to do something fun! haha not that this time wasn't fun, of course. val is my hero! she saved me from sharm the evil playtoybomb-maker -grins :D so sharm and i took a photo with her in the middle, i smacked it right onto my friendster and named it val's angels (x val should rlly come online so i can send it to her. fwaha i know erkor is jealous cos she didn't get to rescue me (at least not on film la, it got deleted) but don't worry i still love youuuu -beams :D ~~even though i have absolutely no intention of fighting with all your not-secret-at-all admirers.~~ omg we camwhored so damn much today. but it was productive camwhoring today, not wasted shots like choir concert. i took more nice photos today than i have in any single event in a really, really long time (: maybe it's sharm and erkor, our photos just look good i guess.

after filming ~~and nonstop camwhoring~~, sharm, erkor and i walked to orchard for lunch. wahlaooo it felt like forever, especially since i wore opentoed heels (it was RAINING) and sharm wore stiletto boots?! hoho, then she sat down in the middle of the sidewalk to change into school shoes. sharm amuses me XD we went to bk and got trapped inside cos of the rain, omgomg a warning to all of you: hanging out with sharm will make you fatfatfat. she eats so bloody much and never puts on weight, but when you eat with her obviously the result is very different ): except for erkor of course, cos when she lunches with sharm she gets diarrhoea so she actually loses weight instead -grins :D haha sharm and i were complaining nonstop about fat arms during our toilet camwhoring session! wtf laaa she actually dares to complain about her legs?! they look like STICKS sharm, believe me. and i want your sexyboots :D that sounds like kinky boots, the movie. i wanna watch! never got round to seeing it, though :/

watching xmen3 with d6 tomorrow! omfg now i am angry. celeste just msged and said that she doesn't wanna watch xmen cos she watched it before? wtf, we agreed beforehand to watch xmen3 and da vinci together what. i don't care okay cellie, even if you watched it with youknowwho#101 alrd you must still watch again with us ZHI DAO MAA. d6 loyalty demands it! -frowns and looks stern. and then we hafta take truckloads of nice photos together! camwhores rule! -highfives ollie, sharm & erkor. :D:D

cos baby, everything is left up straight from the heart
tell me, what do you do when it all falls apart?

2006-05-26T21:13:00.000+08:00

to the love, i left my conscience pressed
between the pages of the Bible in the drawer
what did it ever do for me, i say.

we had this little exercise in class during cle where we wrote on little torn pieces of paper, good points and bad points for 5 people we weren't really close to. so we got back the collated feedback today and the positive feedback was better than i imagined, i guess. womg definitely more people than expected wrote for me; no idea if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i think i know who wrote for me, although jkoh went to extremes - having charissa and wendy collate and type out feedback - to ensure that it was purely anonymous. but still, the way certain people write their smileys is just a dead giveaway, heh. backwards like this (: or forwards like this :). oh well, the negative feedback was pretty much expected anyway. i know that some people really don't like me being all competitive about marks and whatnot, lol although when i told my dad about it he was like "why is that a bad point?" HAHA. like father like daughter, i guess. but to the people who wrote for me, don't worry, i'm well aware that it's a flaw.

to people who wrote for me: first of all, thanks so much for all the positive stuff okay (: it's encouraging to know how "friendly" and "nice to talk to" i am (those were repeated quite a few times). and cheerful and funny and whatnot, hoho though i don't really see how i'm compassionate?! and to the person who wrote "self-centred", yes i know how sickeningly narcissistic i am and i've known it since forever. haha but thanks for telling me anyway yeah, just that if i ever had a kid i'd want her to be narcissistic too. better chance of survival and all ;D about being overly competitive (i lost count of those), i actually bet with nehru that i'd get that comment, so yeah it doesn't exactly come as a surprise (: being marks-conscious is something i got from my dad too, but thanks for the feedback about um announcing my marks in public? i'm really truly sorry if i offended you by acting dissatisfied with my marks and all, but it was cos i wasn't very happy with how i did this term and i didn't really stop to consider how other people would feel if i complained really loud about my marks in front of everyone. so yeah, sorry if you felt insulted or anything, i didn't mean it that way ): and as for not wanting other people to see my marks, it's a habit i've had since primary school and there isn't any implicit motive behind it or anything but i just don't like people to know when i've not done well, you know? seriously, i've always believed that whether you want to show others your marks is really a personal choice? but since some people tend to take offence, i guess i'll try not to get so snappy when people happen to see my marks. i mean, if you ask me i still might not tell you my exact marks, but well i'll try not to be so anal retentive about it? :/ cos no matter what, my marks still matter alot to me and i dunno, i guess sometimes i tend to view them as something personal. so that's why i don't really like showing people my marks. you can ask any of my primary school classmates, if i'm not wrong yongdi or someone used to try and blow at the edge of my exam paper just to try and get it to flip up so he could see my marks? does it really irritate people that much when you just don't want your marks to be known? :X i guess it's the same reason all of you go "NOOO" when the teacher asks if we'd like her to flash the whole class's marks on the ohp.

anyway overall, i guess this exercise's been good for a fair amount of introspection yeah. and i was talking to kira just now about how some comments were quite thought-provoking (: i dunno, but whoever it was who wrote "thank you (:" after your comment, thank YOU. even if you only wrote it for the sake of writing it, it was sweet of you to do so ((: disclaimer: the below lyrics are NOT intended for any of the people who wrote for me. it's totally irrelevant.

i hope you choked, and crashed your car
hey tear-catcher, that's all you are
and ever were; i swear, i say.

2006-05-25T19:22:00.000+08:00

can you deal with my reincarnationan,
in combination with excellent sophistication
deep, deep down; deep in my heart, baby.

depression is too simple a word for all that it entails. fuck, i can't believe how fricking subjective our ss rubrics were? wtf is up with creativity and layout, how does that relate to ss in any smokefilleddrugalley way?! eeeeee fuck luh, i borrowed nehru's stressball and shocked her speechless cos i squeezed it so tightly that my wrist hurt and i could barely write afterwards. take away the black mortal emptiness and bless me with the joy of existence, please. i don't even want to talk about my marks anymore; not when i look at other classes and how bloody worldtradecenter high their marks are. hell we can make for ourselves. when i think about my marks, i feel this huge black... orphyss, simply this lack of substance. where there once was exhilaration, now exists a lack of the molten tangibility that should have been simmering jubilance.

womg i am so addicted to real mccoy right now, ever since i used another night as the theme song for our rs end product - that adorably amusing short ad on spaying and neutering YOUR cat (: how many can you handle? what a fab tagline eh :D i love love love my rs group, and it think it really helped that all three of us are rlly close and all, like we didn't meet through rs or anything. cos from what i heard, some people who had members they only just met in sec three seemed to be clashing with their group all the time :/ then it's like this person didn't do this, that person didn't do that. horrors. yowza, automatic lover is the epitome of old school retro technopop; erratic dancebeats and such catchy, clever lyrics. same for come and get your love, come and get your love (:

watched over the hedge with twinny and lichen ystd! ~~i should prolly separate lichen's name, but whatever (x~~ omg i love hammy! hammy is such a cute bug-eyed affectionate hyperactive forest squirrel -squeals :D oooh and rj is the coolest scheming smooth-talking spuddy-stealing racoon ever! and and his fur is so unbelievably silky and smooth -thinks of dove cream shampoo. i crush racoons! anyway i always have, since i was young and we always used to visit that park in vancouver where we all fed squirrels with walnuts. there were benches that racoons would just clamber up on from the trees behind (: they look like little bandits begging for food, womg cuteness epitomized ((: anyway i smuggled subway in and lichen smuggled kfc. haha i was smart, i hid the whole subway package in my bag (thanks to twinn) but then the guy saw lichen's kfc. the uncle was nice! he didn't care atall luh, he just went "next time cannot ah". hoho then we met siti and wynne trying in vain to buy tix to da vinci but then siti is too young (tsk, siti). twinn tried to buy for them but they wanted two ics, lol so in the end they got nerrie and sarah to buy for them. hilarious la.

cos there'll always be heartache and pain,
and when it's over you'll breathe again

2006-05-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

i had a picture of you in my mind,
never knew it could be so wrong

yay! i can finally cross poseidon off my 'to watch' list, left bio presentations early so celeste and i could rush to lido for the 2.30 show. we made it on time okay (not bad, considering this is me AND cellie we're talking about - ~~double lateness~~) like just when the ads & trailers started. so we snuck out to buy popcorn, yay the uncle was nice he didn't even check our tickets. i get the feeling he's the kind who doesn't give a damn even if you go watch m18 movie with an eight year old (x i hope that he's the door guard if i ever decide to sneak into paradise now or anything, heh.

womg after watching poseidon, i crush chris the daughter's bf, and i am so so so in love with dylan :D:D dylan dylan lucky dylan. he's so smooth (like silk, smooth. not the material silk -thinks of cat & choir concert, but prince keldar silk from the belgariad) and smart and cool and intense and charismatic and so, so frickin' LUCKY. seriously, his middle name should be lucky or smth. but dylan lucky johns sounds weird, come to think of it :/ maybe just dylan lucky then, scrap the johns. not only is he a pro gambler, but he also happens to know exactly where there are holes in the bottom of the ship. it also happens that not long after he and his motley crew (his luck rubs off) leave the ballroom and start scaling vertical air shafts, the whole ballroom gets flooded and everyone dies but them. like EVERYONE, everyone. it's worse than a horror movie, really, celeste and i were horrified cos there are dead bodies sprawled everywhere. not fake-looking dead bodies like in war of the worlds and various war movies where all the corpses are face-down and look like dummies. these are real, dead people with twisted expressions of pre-humous agony, and their mouths and eyes wide open in silent screams of fear and realization, and and... omg i can't go on. the worst thing was, there wasn't even a killer they could run from or anything. like in the disco, all the lights and ceiling equipment just collapsed, killing almost everyone. and all the survivors (except the main characters) were wiped out by a random short-circuited wire swinging around electrocuting people. things just, happened. and there was really nothing they could do about it; that's why they needed hotstuff dylan and his amazing luck see, -beams (: cellie and i agreed that i should go marry a pro gambler with dylan's luck, and i'd never have to worry about anything again cos money & everything else we needed would just drop from the sky ((:

he is so inhumanly, phenomenally lucky that it's really unbelievable. it's not the "oh he's the main character so he can't die" kind of luck. in fact, there are times when you actually believe that he might die cos it's just that kind of film and it's not the first time a main actor's been killed off anyway. but somehow, he pulls through almost miraculously. he encounters very very real dangers, but at the very last minute he always survives. and what i love love absolutely love about dylan is the way he laughs (hysterically, sometimes) right after he's gotten through a narrow scrape. it's so human, and yet so characteristic of him (: he's the kind of guy who's been lucky since young; he's learnt over the years to trust his instincts and his unfailing luck, but every time it saves him he still can't really believe how far his lucky streak has gone. and he's really sharp too, he knew right away that elena was an illegal passenger. like she only spoke one sentence to him, and he deduced tons of stuff right away? my dad would love him (: and and he's so charismatic and persuasive, he actually got elena to get over her claustrophobia and push nelson out of the shaft when he got stuck. and he went back for maggie when all the rest of them were going to the bow to find the propellers; plus he saved connor's life! the cute little boy with the adorable hairstyle and the "don't look down, mommy". how tangerine sweet :D you can really see dylan's character development from the "i work best alone" risk-taking lone ranger (ooh sexaaay) to the "i have to look for maggie" gentleman who jumped like a hundred feet down into the flaming water just to drag a hose across for robert and his daughter jenny. and he swam around for i-have-no-idea-how-long just to find an underwater opening in the wire mesh so he could save connor. omg he was really, really count-your-stars lucky that time. i seriously thought both mom and son would die together (think dark water combined with titanic), what with all that drama and maggie pressing against the meshing going "be strong, connor. the water's going to rise, but mommy's here, mommy is with you. mommy's gonna stay with you, you have to be strong." i almost CRIED ): the boy was so sweet and wide-eyed and so matuuuuure zomg i crush his eyes. he actually went "i can't make it!!!" then "i love you, mommy" when he thought he was gonna drown )): and then, when maggie was sobbing her eyes out on one side of the meshing, suddenly out pops dylan from underwater, with connor in his arms! and then he stared at her and started laughing with relief and shock and surprise at the sheer ridiculity of his all-enduring luck. (: that guy gives a whole new meaning to "count your blessings", i swear. he's got so many he'd probably lose count trying to count them all (x i hereby proclaim that i shall go watch the next josh lucas film that comes out! i just hope it's another survival thriller; he's awesome (:(:

oh shit i still have ss essay to do ): addy and i made a pact to steadfastly ignore it, and now yvonne's joined our pact as well, hoho. it's just that when i look at the horrible piece of paper, i suddenly feel a magnetic draw to the 8days issue i bought today, with the free movie junkie guide that has all this year's hottest movies in it (:

note to self: must watch (doesn't include ones in previous list)
#1. silent hill (june) - radha mitchell (i'll probably chicken out of this.)
#2. garfield 2 (june) - no idea who does voices, but i'm a huge garfield fan (:
#3. c.r.a.z.y. (june) - emile vallee, with accents on both end e's (1 word: french-canadian; 3 words: genie film awards - canadian oscars).
#4. the lake house (july) - keanu reeves, sandra bullock (remake of korean weepie il mare)
#5. lady in the water (july) - paul giamatti (directed by m. night shyamalan)
#6. basic instinct 2: risk addiction (july) - sharon stone!, david morrissey
#7. re-cycle (july) - angelica lee (it's like the chi adaptation of gaiman's neverwhere)
#8. dragon tiger gate (july) - nicholas tse, shawn yue (should be amusing)
#9. stick it (july) - haley graham (hip hop gymnastics, joy :D )
#10. goal! 2 (august) - kuno becker (womg hotness is back!)
#12. the devil wears prada (september) - meryl streep, anne hathaway
#13. miami vice (september) - jamie foxx, colin farrell
#14. pan's labyrinth (september) - sergi lopez, alex angulo, ariadna gil, maribel verdu
#15. the banquet (sept) - zhang ziyi, daniel wu (YOWZA!), zhou xun
#16. lucky you (oct) - eric bana, drew barrymore (what can i say, pro gamblers are hot :D not the crazy ones that need psychiatric help, but the smart ones like dylan).
#17. sunshine (oct) - cillian murphy, chris evans (who needs a plot with these guys?), michelle yeoh, rose bryne, etc etc.
#18. james bond: casino royale (nov) - daniel craig, eva green
#19. happy feet (nov) - voiced by nicole kidman, hugh jackman (ooh), elijah wood, robin williams, brittany murphy (fine it's kiddy, but the penguin is ADORABLE OMG REALLY -swoons.)

ugh forget it, the list goes on all the way to next year. and those are just the movies i want to watch; there are like tons more in the guide itself. oooh charlotte's web is coming out in december! i love that book (: but why is there suddenly a girl in the story? i don't rmbr there being a girl x/ maybe i read it too long ago to rmbr, or maybe they just created one so dakota fanning would fit in. heh, and i wanna watch eragon, it's been eons since my last medieval fantasy film. in fact, i suspect it was lotr 3, that's how long ago it was :/

i'm sorry, but it's really the way you drive me mad. i can be sobbing one minute and laughing the next; i can be down and out, but everything suddenly seems alright when i hear your voice. i might convince myself that you're not the one for me, but it never dulls the pain that comes with the next stab of jealousy. i feel like obliterating all traces of you from my mind, but why do i keep piecing together all those mental snapshots of you and me together?

i say a lot of things that don't come out right
and i act like i don't know why,
guess a reaction's all i was looking for.

2006-05-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

shakira finally loaded our lit video on google!

here it is:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6926960917380776629&pr=goog-sl

i love love love our lit video (: cheryl is currently suffering from lit video withdrawal symptoms. warning to faint-hearted: do NOT watch this video at night -grins.

2006-05-14T19:45:00.000+08:00

death, i'd cheat her for you
yes i got a fever for you

i suspect my mother knows my blog address, so if you're reading this mom, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! :D thanks for always being there for me, all those little enlightening talks we had behind closed doors about the most varied things and all your snide, funny "see i told you it'd turn out this way" remarks, and all our frenzied shopping sprees (14 different pieces of clothing + me + fitting room = very irritated fitting room salesgirl). hoho my mom's smart, she made me going to malaysia her mother's day request cos i was so prepared to go all "NO, you can't make me go unless you drag me out the door with a big thick rope that can't be sawed, bitten, or clawed through" if they tried to force me into going. but noooo, my mom stood in the doorway on friday and went (all innocently, mind you) "you haven't asked me what i want for mother's day" and i was like huh i thought it's spposed to be a surprise. omg and she smartly made me agree before she told me what she wanted. i mean it's not my fault; i thought through all the options and made sure i was mentally prepared to get her a $100 over necklace or secret recipe cake or some random dress/outfit/cookery gadget she wanted. omg omg, my mother is such a typical genius interrogator, she tricked me into agreeing to go all the way to saleng or wherever for some ulu old relative's birthday dinner via a combination of emotional blackmail and bribery (or i forgot what it's called; you know that advertising tactic when you make people feel they need smth). she kept telling me about some huge new shopping complex and clothes and shoes and coffee :/

oh well but however boring the actual dinner was, the trip wasn't entirely fruitless. proceeds: 3 pairs of earrings, lace-backed racerback (ooh tongue twister), white heels, temp tattoos, shades, se7en pendant :D (okay fine it's just the number, but i plan to buy the letters and string them on), that-which-shall-not-be-named (who can leave m'sia without it?), and those-which-shall-not-be-named (again, you can't leave without them). not bad for only three hours of shopping (: i bet we could've done better at cityplaza or tht new place, but we didn't have time cos of the dinner. dumbdumb dinner; they didn't have prawn salad ): or e-fu noodles, or lobster )):

oh yay summer movie mania is finally upon us! :D just picked up may's first mag today, and here's my list for this (and maybe last) season:

movies to watch:
#1. potc 2: dead man's chest two words: jack sparrow. not interested in orlando, OR keira knightly's painted cleavage; johnny depp is the draw :D
#2. x-men 3: the last stand may 25, i think. everyone go circle your calenders! i'm currently in love with angel's wings. not angeline rosemary tan angel, but angel from xmen 3 ANGEL -smiles wistfully and thinks of his cool white wings. oh, nice abs too (: i miss gambit, though. why are they forever leaving gambit out of the xmen movies! he's the hottest xman by far ): in the comics, that is. oh oh and i have the poster btw! -shows cheshire grin.
#3. poseidon that is a bloody cool name, btw. bloody ingenious, too. poseidon, greek god of the seas; you can guess the main plot once you see the title. i sense triggers for moral introspection in this one, but possibly it's just a cool ocean thriller.
#4. daisy it's korean, the girl's chio, and it's got the potential to be one of those touching k-tearjerkers that move me to ~~tears~~ sobs with cliched but sad plots and heartrending, well-timed soundtracks like most k-movies have.
#5. 16 blocks celeste says it's dumb, but then again celeste and i have always had different tastes so it's worth a try if i have the time.
#6. mirrormask i'm only putting this down cos of my unbreakable addiction to cgi graphics (remember final fantasy: advent children?) and and get this, NEIL GAIMAN CO-CREATED IT. neil gaiman is THE master of warped fantasy. nuff said.
#7. kinky boots it sounds funny, it got 3.5 stars, and apparently it's got chiwetel eijofor acting as a transvetite who designs drool-worthy shoes (:
#8. the da vinci code the movie with the most hype this summer, and therefore the movie to watch for our much-anticipated d6 outing ! :DD
#9. over the hedge i don't care if it's kiddy, cellie and i are watching it anyway -beams (: i'm in love with its graphics after watching that trailer where the sleepy turtle and oh-so-adorable little racoon are clinging on to a bunch of fly-away balloons. and i tried out the ps2 game with my 9-year-old cousin at holiday plaza in m'sia (x
#10. superman returns clark kent (: will someone please tell me when this one's coming out?

dvds to watch:
#1. take the lead i still can't believe i missed this. it's not my fault it came out during week 8 )):
#2. tristan & isolde after reading the parody, i seriously don't think i'll be able to feel anything but amusement watching this. but oh well, everyone seems to think the male lead is way hot. i just hope it's not too r&j-esque, cos after sec two i'm frankly quite sick of r&j :/
#3. v for vendetta would you believe that this came out during test season as well??! what luck. i watched all three versions of the trailer, and i know all the catch-phrases ("remember remember the first of november"), so it better be good (:
#4. sympathy for lady vengeance i saw the supercool poster and now i need to need to need to watch it. koreans somehow manage to make killing people stylishly cool -thinks of won bin's fellow hitmen in guns&talks.
#5. ice age 2: meltdown anything that breaks all local box-office animation records in its opening weekend (S$1.1 million in TWO DAYS) deserves a watch.
#6. ultraviolet sure, i've heard about the plot. or rather, the lack of plot. but who cares about the plot? i've been hooked on all the special effects since the trailer where she takes on 500 male soldiers with her ultracool blade ((:
#7 diary of june i suspect it's another "she's on duty" watchalike, but it's got shinhwa's eric in it and minwoo sang the theme song (: refer to aforementioned comments about koreans and killing.
#8. paradise now often known as the suicide bomber film. i can't get in cos it's m18, therefore i will watch the dvd. the logic is pure and simple (:
#9. munich same as above, except with eric bana as the israeli revenge killer instead of palestinian suicide bombers. we should view from all perspectives, y'know? ;D
#10. inside man two words again: denzel washington. :D

dvd to OWN:
#1. final fantasy vii: advent children the best ff movie by far, in terms of everything from sound to cgi graphics. it's a cgi-junkie's heaven -looks blissful :DD

serials i'm hooked on:
#1. damo it was korea's highest rated drama serial in 2004, and jin min jun is WAY COOL. i watched the ending today and i criiiieeeed; it's so tragically beautiful :/
#2. blind justice by the producer of hillstreet blues (a really famous police oldie). jim dunbar is THE MAN :D he's cooler than daredevil. i found the abc site: http://abc.go.com/primetime/blindjustice/
#3. csi miami actually, my dad's hooked on that not me, but it looks damnasscool anyway (:
#4. grey's anatomy i think i've been released from my addiction by jeanting's sister's enlightening revelation. that asshole shepherd chose his wife and not meredith! like wtf, then where does season 2 come from?!

fwaaah i watched moon geun yeong and that not-very-shuai-but-looks-hot-when-he-dances guy in innocent steps, and now i want to learn samba as well. i rmbr last year after taking gold medal jive, we were all so sad that the school didn't offer latin street dance beyond the juvenile level. but then we kinda figured out why, cos i think for intermediate you need to have male-female partners to qualify for exams :/ all of us were despairing cos obviously in our school you can't have a male partner, and come on la which of your guy friends would actually go learn dance with you?? (unless it's like breakdance). ah but sharm says you can just go learn like that without a partner, and they'll just pair you randomly when you get to the class. i shall drag a few of the d6ers to go with me (x

i found out what my name is in korean! like really, truly, accurately; not from one of those random online translators or anything. cos the protagonist in innocent steps had a sister with the exact same chinese name as me (she was from china), like same characters and everything, and in korean her name was jang chae-min :D omg i just realised i have the same surname as woohyuk -hyperventilates. don't you think lee chae-min sounds so right -grins and thinks of minwoo.

let this poet put love at first sight to pen.

2006-05-12T12:28:00.000+08:00

i turn the radio on,
and cry to all the familiar songs

yay our tests are over! our school's disgustingly unique equivalent of midyears. it's stretched over 3-4 weeks, so even though the bulk of our tests are over, we still have ss on week 10 wed ): omg but bio is finally finally over and even though i made this irritatingly stupid careless mistake, it was pretty okay overall. shit i should've studied more for the mcq bit, cos everyone said it was application so i didn't rlly bother with the technicalities but in the end mcq still had. haha i anyhow guessed one of the questions, then when i went over to twinn's class to ~~gloat at~~ watch all of them studying, i borrowed ching's biolog and guess what, it was actually right! heh, mcq is a 25% chance blessing (: i love love LOVE my campbell and reece book. it's the one everyone photocopies cos it's got such good info & diagrams. but they don't sell it at our school bookshop anymore ): i shall advertise here, buy campbell&reece !

after sch ystd there was chinese tuition, how sad. haha but my laoshi is damn fun to bitch with; she bitches to me about annoying people and i bitch to her about annoying people too. i think she's so witty and strong and admirable! she's like the model 21st century woman or smth. i like how she scared her bitchy sister-in-law off (: and now the sis-in-law has to be nice to her cos she's scared of her or smth. HAHA. if i ever do marry someone with an evil sister, i shall go ask her for advice :D went to choir concert with twinn after tuition. omg i haven't worn my contacts for eons, so it took me like 15 mins to get them both in?! and like even longer to take them out afterwards cos they were all dried up. haha and we both had to wait forever in front of the barker concert hall for erkor to get there with our tickets. ~~slow la, scandalling with who ah?~~ anyway choir concert rocked! the sec fours are exceptionally talented, what with suet cat and wanju. man, wanju can ACT you know. she shld go act in musicals or smth. and cat's italian accent was so frickin hilarious omg we laughed till our sides ached; and we all agreed that suet somehow manages to make everything look terribly... wrong. in that... suet way ;D oh no but why did dawn not end up with michael in the end! -stares at suet and bursts out laughing.

anyway after the concert we all took class photos :D yay nice twinn helped us take, thanks twinny! ~~and erkor & i were cam whoring every chance we got, like even in the toilet.~~ haha i lost count of the people who went "omg cheryyyllll teoooo" when they saw her alrd, it's like cos they never saw her wearing girl clothes before? HAHA. twinn and i have seen her in a dress please, so this is nothing -winks at twinn. -thinks back to that time during cny last year; i like twinn's sister she is such a flattering person :D oh twinn if you can still rmbr what she said that time, you'll prolly figure out why -beams.

roar, i wanna watch take the lead! and da vinci code, but it isn't out yet. i think take the lead is out alrd; i wanted to go watch it today okay but my mom said there's her mother's bday lunch today so i thought couldn't go. then now she tells me it's a birthday DINNER. so i like wasted my opportunity to go watch take the lead? grargh. whatever, i shall go watch tomorrow with jessie or smth. chiobu and i are watching lxg together! haha her dvd, my house. we share okay (:

YOU, i wish i knew how to quit you.

nae mamul alsu isso,
amu maldo hajima
no hanamyon chungbunhanikka.

2006-05-03T18:31:00.000+08:00

you can be my snow prince (:

don't you just love sloganizer.net :D such catchy slogans, omg.

"oh my goddess, it's a mel."
"for the love of mel."
"mel is a female force." (you gotta love this one)
"you better get your mel out."
"inspired by mel." -looks at sharm :D
"kick ass with mel."
"can you feel mel?" ~~damn wrong laa.~~
"start the day with mel."
"mel's like heaven." (:(:
"make yourself at home with mel." (?!)
"anyone can handle mel." (heh, not necessarily)
"the mel community."
"the future of mel."
"mel for you!" (you wish)
"mel makes your day." (:

i am officially sharm's muse, i inspire her to no end :D and SS501 songs are so adorably dbsk-esque. they're like a younger, more poppish version of dbsk; and i'm getting addicted to snow prince cos every time i hear it i get reminded of hyung joon dancing for that random girl on xman (x and and he's so snow prince-ish! as in the way he danced suited the song. his dance was so 1990s boyband-ish, like um n-sync or smth. HAHA. SS501 people have such young voices, goodness. they sound ten years younger than dbsk, at least. they're so SO BOYBAND-ISH. dbsk has much better vocals (: ack i don't know why, but somehow SS501's substandard vocals and cute dance tunes appeal to me. maybe i'm getting old, i miss the boyband era (: oooh SS501 has a song called passion too! but it's totally different from se7en's. it's just that with their songs, you can only imagine a group of teenage guys doing a choreographed dance. with se7en and dbsk, the style's more flexible :D

modeun gor argo shippo iron naege,
it's about the way u are.

2006-05-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

chonune banhaginun himturo,
nor bogijonen midosoji.

"so everyone go to SHARM'S HOUSE, where everything's waiting for you!" -sings to the tune of "downtown". went to sharm's place today while everyone else was running their 2.4; hooray for long-term mcs! :D to people who say napfa is good for you, i have two words to say: sour grapes. sharm & i had a good time bitching about youknowwho at lot one today, we just can't stand ~~her face~~ the excruciating pain she causes in our gluteus maximi ): anyway sharm's house is the ultimate; you get to drink strawberry milk, surf friendster (there's free internet access), eat homemade chicken buns, watch ~~porn~~ movies, bitch about annoying people, and there's free chicken curry too (: what more could you want? hell, it's better than a hotel.

and i now declare sharm an official member of the i-love-shuai-cheryl fanclub (not that i'm in it of course, cos i'm not)! she bloody screamed in my ear la! not a pleasant experience, seriously. this is what happens when you show sharm random pics of cheryl on my friendster. she started shrieking right about the 'my bloody valentine' photo; my, it must be my ingenuity at coming up with poses (: i think she woulda collapsed on top of me if i had shown her that blurry photo that cheryl made me delete, where she looks like she's ~~necking~~ me or smth -gets ready for sharm's attack. heh, wendy & shakira had a LOT to say about that. they stayed around after filming specially to watch us cam-whoring (x not that they didn't, after the second film session at wendy's house. omg i can't wait for bio pt, if we're really doing music vids which i hope we are :D i think we're all obsessed with film production alrd, i suspect there's a secret desire to be an actor-director hidden within me. now i'm confused, thanks to grace and her comment about my "theatrical tendencies", sharm and her encouragement to go into acting/directing, and my dad with his "you should be a doctor". i don't know! what if i want to be all three? sometimes i'm just so frustrated with our society in general, cos it really doesn't allow for one person to multitask. specialisation is the word of the day, and it's impossible for one person to do so many different things ): now that i think about it, it's fairly tragic cos i love both bio and lit, but no matter which area i go into (theatrical/filming or medicine), the other area will be neglected )): i mean, there just isn't time to both, but i don't want to die without trying both. :/

oh my, sharm's turning into a metalhead and i'm turning into a technogeek -bops along to 'another night another dream' by real mccoy, while sharm headbangs to 'drown together' by sentenced. it's probably our rs video that did it, i must've listened to the soundtrack at least 50 times while editing. i mean, every time i played back to check the timing and stuff, i heard that song yet again and again and again and AGAIN. after the first 10 listens, it gets annoying, but when you hit 50 it kinda stays with you :/ and thanks to all those xman episodes, i now want SS501 songs. just to see what they sound like, you know, cos hyung joon's 'snow prince' performance on xman wasn't at all bad (: he's normally not shuai, but when he smiles he frickin looks like EDISON CHEN :D:D it's that same bite-lip-tilt-head-down-then-look-up-and-smirk expression! -smiles dreamily. it probably means he's equally cocky as well, but oh well noone's perfect.

i wanna ~~bitch about~~ discuss someone else with cellie! CELESTE YEO XUELI, WHERE ARE YOU? i want you online, now now now. it's the attack of the replacement dolls! they're gentle, prettier, more demure and even more compact! just pack 'em up and carry them anywhere, even your dreams, cos theeeeeey're portable! -gives big salesman's beam. i hate replacement dolls ):

what about the night makes you change
oh, from sweet to deranged?

2006-05-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

Who is your DBSK hubby?

You have Yunho! Yunho is a good-looking and perfect person. Just looking at him makes you want to dazzle. [Mighty Fine! Whoot!]
Take this quiz!

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omg you know what, i'm actually beginning to influence my DAD. get this, my dad now listens to se7en. i caught him listening to come back to me in chinese; haha but i don't think he'll ever listen to any of them in korean. my dad is so annoyingly ethnocentric sometimes, albeit still extremely impressionable (x

2006-04-30T23:10:00.000+08:00

this magnetism you unconsciously possess,
it's an inexplicably powerful distraction.

okay, it's 11pm and i just finished typing out some irritatingly tedious stuff and i shld be sleeping but i bloody need to rant so i shall and i will and if you are not good with expletives, please stop here.

SOME PEOPLE ARE SUCH RETARDED ASSHOLIC FREAKS WHO SHOULD JUST FUCKING DIE AND ROT IN A CORNER AND BE MUTILATED BY RANDOM PASSERS-BY AND HUNG UPSIDE DOWN LIKE THE AHMAD GUY IN THE FORD FACTORY HISTORICAL ANIMATION AND STABBED A THOUSAND TIMES MORE THAN HE WAS BECAUSE FUCKING HELL ALL THEY DO IS CONJURE UP FRICKING PATHETIC EXCUSES AND PROBABLY GO AROUND WHORING IN THEIR FREE TIME COS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ELSE THEY DO. WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE FUCKING NORMAL, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW AS MUCH AS THEY WOULD DESPERATELY LIKE TO BE, THEY ARE SO OBVIOUSLY NOT. THOSE SOME PEOPLE (OR RATHER, THAT SOME PERSON) SUCK WORSE THAN A HOOKER WITH A QUOTA AND SHOULD SERIOUSLY TRY AND IMPROVE ON THEIR SHITTY PATHETIC LIVES BECAUSE THEY CAN BLOODY WELL DIE ANY TRAGIC WAY THEY WANT WITHOUT ANYONE CARING, BUT THEY JUST HAVE TO SCREW UP OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES WHILE THEY'RE AT IT. SOME PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE ATTENTION-SEEKING CRACKWHORES WHO SHOULD FUCK OFF THE FACE OF THE UNIVERSE SO THAT THEY CAN STOP BEING ANAL RETENTIVE, OTHERWISE SOON DOCTORS WILL NEED TO START DISTRIBUTING A HELLUVA LOTTA ASS-PAINKILLERS.

and for the record, i'm so definitely not the only one who feels that way. people who are normally absolutely angelic have been known to be triggered to the point of expletives by this anal virus, and others are reduced to the state of speechlessness. -quotes: "SUCH A LAZY... i don't know what to call (that person) anymore". why oh why do such people exist on the face of the earth? because they really seem to serve no purpose other than to annoy ~~fellow~~ human beings and add to our endless, endless stress.

not to the abovementioned irritating person, but someone else: nan neokkeoya, neon naekkeoya (: i know how to pronounce that now, thanks to soonae :D

when my vision blurs and silhouettes merge,
your face is the only one i see.

2006-04-26T16:29:00.000+08:00

baby i like you like that,

neoman bomwon haengbokhe

i love your way every day,

neoreul saengakae.

~~it isn't easy, loving your way ):~~ ahh watching dbsk/minwoo vids on youtube now omg the xman show with minwoo and some girl (i think she's the one in my bf is type b) facing off in the "of course" game is so cute! minwoo lost cos he was like so sweet to her and she actually went to say tht his girlfriend was tht ugly middle-aged host woman?! then he burst out laughing and couldn't say "of course" XD then there's this dance vid where he came out to dance and all the girls turned red, like absolutely completely the WENDY kind of red, when he came to dance near them? hahaha you should see their faces:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=U0T-4W6LcBU&search=minwoo%20xman

ohman and the dbsk vids are so adorable! i finally went to watch the xman "of course" game with uknow vs xiah and omg omg xiah is just too adorable for words! (: and uknow looks damn hot when he dances! he's so bloody pro, he just mimicked the whole of xiah's dance on the spot omg. fwah xiah is not only photogenic but videogenic as well, and mickey seriously looks better on video than in photos. he's actually qte prettyboy lor just that he always has sucky hair and way too much lipstick ):

here's the "of course" game one; they hafta say "of course" to everything the other person says, so the aim of the game is to shock the other guy into ~~silence~~ laughter. (x

http://youtube.com/watch?v=3yd1hgRSs_0&search=yunho%20xiah%20xman%20game

btw when uknow tells xiah (junsu) that his face is very junsu, it's actually a pun on his name. junsu is actually like err jun1 xiu4 (outstanding; beautiful) in korean. and then there's the dance thang with uknow, xiah and mickey.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2tjiYrqj7qo&search=yunho%20xiah%20xman%20game

love the showdown between uknow & xiah! fwah they're damn pro luh i don't get how they can do almost exactly the same dance. omg and xiah is so frickin boyboy adorable when he sings in english (x(x HAHA and mickey fell off the platform dancing la wtffff. :D

2006-04-19T16:32:00.000+08:00

in the heat of summer sunshine
i miss you, like nobody else
in the heat of summer sunshine
i kiss you, and nobody needs to know

i never really feel quite right
i don't know why, all i know is something's wrong
every time i look at you, you seem so alive
tell me how do you do it, walk me through it
i follow in every footstep

baby on your own you take a cautious step
do you wanna give it up?
but all i want is for you to shine
shine down on me
shine on this life that's burning out

i say a lot of things sometimes that don't come out right
and i act like i don't know why
i guess a reaction's all i was looking for
you looked through me, you really knew me
like no one has ever looked before

baby on your own you take a cautious step
do you wanna give it up?
but all i want is for you to shine
shine down on me
shine on this life that's burning out
i know, i know girl, you got somethin'

shine (shine it on to me)
shine down on me (i wanna feel it)
shine on this life that's burning out

baby on your own you take a cautious step
do you wanna give it up?
but all i want is for you to shine
shine down on me (just show me something)
shine on this life that's burning out
(you give me something that i've never known)
shine (it's gonna kill me)
if you can show me the way
shine, yeah (i wanna know what's going on in your mind)
shine on this life that's burning out

shine, shine down on me
shine on this life that's burning out.

baby, all i want is for you to SHINE :D omg don't you just love all the hellsing songs. if world without logos wasn't in jap-style english (forgot what you call it), i'd post it here. (:

i think i'm drowning,
asphyxiated
i wanna break this spell
that you've created.

2006-04-17T18:00:00.000+08:00

everybody said, everybody said
that we should never part
tell me baby baby baby why,
why you wanna go and break my heart

you're my mini-oreo chocolate icecream addiction (: nice line, isn't it? addictions are annoying sometimes, but you love them nevertheless. i'm feeling slightly high again, it must be cos my heart beats faster when you're around. the truth is, i only need to know for sure, deep down inside, that you love me, and my life would turn a shade brighter. i'm beginning to wonder if this is love, because it scares me that something so beautiful can feel so wrong yet so right.

omfg i'm such a sweet freak, must be cos i've been so deprived of candies recently :D i've taken to writing constant prose to kill time between killer workloads. not that there is any time, but oh well expression of creativity deserves a few sacrifices. ~~like physics file, for instance.~~ and i so DID NOT kope that last line from thiock laaa. haha he's hilarious, today he pronounced "resistivity" right the first time, and we all went whoa so he pronounced it again and grinned at us. then he said, "i've been practising okay!" HAHA. omg i bet he practises in front of the mirror. i feel bad for not paying attention ): but it's just tht newsweek is so much more interesting when physics is last block and you have math tuition after school. (x

ERKOR. don't be sad/angry okay! and don't worry, i'll be there for you! i bet i cheered you up ystd right right (: and next time you can call me la, i hafta repay my debts you know. i sobbed over the phone to you so many times alrd, ohman i feel bad. so you can disturb me back a few times, see. yeah you're right, next time we stick together laa. tsk who call you don't wanna stick with me, i'm your good luck charm okay -grins. we have our lit film to show it :D go lit filming! FIGHTING! :DD

let me know that i've done wrong,
when i've known this all along

2006-04-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

if i could say what i wanna say,
i'd say i wanna blow you away

fuck, i miss lit filming SO FRICKIN' BAD LAA. i miss the the pristine spaciousness of wendy's house, i miss our hyped-up emotions staring at dbsk vids on the com screen while waiting for the cam to charge, i miss trooping down to the meeting room, i miss our mass changing in the toilet ("eh can you see me from there?" "NO LA. who wanna look at you please."), i miss putting layers of ghostly white dior powder on my face and lips in the lobby toilet ("mel, you're freaking white la!"). i miss the weight of wendy's cam in my right hand, i miss the adrenalin rush you get when you play back a really good shot, i miss the stage telepathy between erkor aka my asst director and i ("why don't you stand there and..." "oh OH! i know i know, you want blablabla right?" "yeah yeah, that!"), i miss smearing a mixture of water and baby powder onto wendy's face, i miss trailing through the lobby looking like a freaky white ghostchild with a weird ninja-like bodyguard behind me.

if i could say what i wanna see,
i wanna see you go down on one knee

i miss flickering in and out from behind the tree (even though i got poked in the eye by an awry leaf and encountered a huge ant face-to-feeler), i miss screaming and screaming and screaming in horror like there's no tomorrow, i miss banging on wendy's brother's bedroom door and rattling the doorknob looking terrified. i even miss coaching wendy on how to fall down and clutch at the fridge, i even miss displaying the same expression for wendy a hundred times and telling her to copy it ("eyes bigger, mouth smaller, YES! THAT'S IT!"), i even miss the stress that comes from filming till ten plus at night and directing/acting with people who are equally stressed. i miss the retarded wudalang song (parody of dachangjin song) and filming erkor & kira's spastic spoon dance (it's a wonder the cam didn't shake, i was laughing so bloody hard).

he isn't really what i'm looking for

i miss sitting on the side of wendy's bathtub having my feet painted by kira/erkor while erkor/kira filmed it for bloopers, i miss erkor's "mei tui worxxx~" and her redundant scream, i miss ada's "oh SHITSS" and erkor's "eh you coming or not?". i even miss all our editing and erkor's glare when you criticise her editing, and shakira's frustrated "no no, what are you doing now?", then her "okay nvm, i have no idea what you're doing anymore" after you've calmly explained to her why you're cutting and copying and pasting and merging and adding sound clips in the spur of the moment. i miss all our brilliant flashes of inspiration ("oh wait i know, why don't you add the starting song at the part when wendy dies"), i miss erkor's running on-film commentary when i wasn't in the com lab with her and kira ("eh skip to the mel scene, it looks like we're watching a porn vid!"), i miss ada's and my trip to kira's house for half an hour to edit the bloopers the day before screening. i miss our lit film group outing (ada didn't go though) and our quest to find se7en and dbsk merchandise :D i even miss kira's stupid attempt at directing a porn vid and erkor's "eh you want me to rape her is it?" (okay fine, i don't really miss that but whatever, it was part of the filming process). i miss the hot chocolate at wendy's house and her caffeine alcohol (although it tasted awful to me).

and i'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect
cos i know you're worth it, you're worth it

but most of all, i miss all the fun we had, the experiences we shared, the bonds we formed, and the memories we amassed during the whole process of filming. I LOVE OUR LIT GROUP! saranghaeyo, yongwonhi (:

it's the unnecessary things that make life worth living.

2006-04-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

i should probably be filing my physics file right now, or alternatively doing my math assignment, but what the hell i saw this on shakira's blog and i just HAD to kope it. trashy stuff like this is simply too tempting (: it goes like this: you bold the stuff that's true, and italicise the stuff that you wish was true.

I miss somebody right now. (weeeeell)
I don't watch much TV these days.
I love olives.
I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart. (i just had to bold that, erkor's ego is diffusing rapidly to me)
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain. (most of the time)
I'm paranoid at times.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast. When I'm rattling or when I just feel like it.
I have fresh breath in the morning. (i have no idea?)
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S. (canada is NOT part of the u.s.)
I have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes in the past. (when i was 5 years old)
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings. (not recently)
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
Slept with a suitemate.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex. (more than one, actually)
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I LOVE TO SHOP!
Enjoy window shopping.
Would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm a pretty good dancer. I'd like to think I'm not that bad at it.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I like someone. (I'M NOT TELLING!!)
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I'm not allergic to anything. (now i really REALLY wish this was true)
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work / school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends.
I think Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys. (korean ones, yes)
Democrat.
Conservative Republican.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger. (it's not age that matters, it's maturity)
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams. (OMG YES YES YES!)
Plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument. (i used to be, actually)
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people. (sometimes)
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable. (sorry, who's he?)
I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. (no WAY.)
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I would not be friends if they weren't family.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie!!
I know who Santos L. Halper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed. (definitely not)
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an artist. (when i have the time, which is rarely)
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid. (they don't last that long)
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I have pointy-ended ears.
I have underwear every colour of the rainbow.
I LOVE korean dramas.
I colour-code my wardrobe.
I own more than 20 pairs of shoes. (almost, though. ALMOST)
I cry silently and get over things easily and quickly.
I love blasting linkin park at mum whenever she nags.
I love listening to jay chou music.
I love watching cartoons.
I love lame jokes. (it's an rgs thing, trust me)

i would blog more about west side story, but we're going out for dinner and i don't have time. oh well, i'm sure twinn'll blog it on the twinns blog though (:

2006-04-14T12:04:00.000+08:00

i know your eyes in the morning sun,
i see you touch me in the pouring rain
and the moment that you wander far from me
i wanna feel you in my arms again

how deep is your love! se7en and taebin collaborations ROCK (: they're like hot together. not together together like kira thinks, but err singing together. omg i had two really weird dreams last night, one of them just morphed into the other. the first one's just weird and inexplicable so i shall just post the second one.

it starts off with me tagging along with this band of angels or faeries or some other immortal, and they have a precious stone that gives any mortal eternal life. but the thing is, they keep losing it and the mortals keep finding it. and it's so much like a movie in the sense that each mortal has this mini-story (i know, cos for some reason i'm somewhat omni-potent at times in the dream) that's really sad, right up until he/she finds the stone and then he/she turns happy for a while. but sooner or later the angels catch up and take the stone back, and they turn all depressed again (it tears at your heart, really). in the end, the angels get back their precious stone for good and don't lose it anymore. and in an uncanny coincidence, all the mortals involved in the story happen to be crossing the same bridge. it's one of those dangerous swaying bridges between mountains. suddenly, this cart-like thing rolls across the bridge and sweeps most of the mortals off, so they're hanging on for dear life to the side of the bridge. and then someone goes "it's an avalanche!" and they realise they're all gonna die soon because the bridge's gonna break with them on it. and the funny thing is, once they realise they're about to die, they all start smiling again, at each other. maybe it's the closure they've been waiting for. and the ones who are on the bridge clamber off and hang onto the side as well, so they're all danging there, in mid-air, in one line. they say, "we'll turn into a rainbow!" and sure enough, i notice that all of their shirts/jackets are according to the colours of the rainbow. only, they're missing purple (or indigo, if purple isn't a colour of the rainbow). omg and this is the freaky part. guess what, twinn comes along wearing a purple jacket and she says "there's no point in living anyway, i wanna be a rainbow" and she jumps onto the side of the bridge and hangs on too?? so of course i panic and shout "twinn, no! if you're gonna die, i'll die with you" (i'm always incredibly noble and self-sacrificial in dreams) and i run over and jump on too. at that moment, the bridge breaks and all of them merge into one rainbow except me cos i'm wearing white and white isn't a colour of the rainbow. so i start falling when the bridge splits, but the rainbow/people save me by forming a slide and letting me slide onto a road by the side of the mountain.

and that's when i wake up. weird dream, huh :/ it's so much like a movie, except without the last part about twinn jumping on. maybe i'm so addicted to filming and directing that i start planning out storyboards in my sleep. haha whatever. shall go eat lunch now, going to addy's place for chem pt later.

how do i say, nan neoul sarang hae
oh raet dong ahn neo man eul pa rae wat seo
how do i say, nan neo reul weon hae
oh jil nae ahn neh neo boon in keol.

2006-04-10T18:57:00.000+08:00

you're looking for something you can't find
if you give it up, you'll lose your mind
there's always something in your way
what can you say? have a good day.

i swear, i am so gonna buy 24/SE7EN no matter how much it costs (: the theory for books applies, some things you just gotta own. and and dbsk's next album! when it comes out, that is. hmv sucks la, shakira wendy erkor and i went there last fri to check for dbsk stuff but it only had minwoo's 2nd winds which i would have bought if i didn't alrd have all his best songs. omg i think i'm seriously falling in love with the click five's lead singer all over again. the header lyrics are from their good day, btw. now i regret not buying the entire album; i only have 6 out of 11 songs. shit i swear my music obsessions are as fickle as, as, scientific laws times a hundred (ah that was random). i hope i don't ever ever get over se7en! or dbsk, for that matter. they're the hottest EVER :D

everyone seems to be having weird dreams lately. rhea dreamed she was in international school or smth, erkor dreams constantly of max crying and dbsk, and charmaine has disturbingly true dreams like me. my dreams are the most accurate anyway, as erkor can probably testify -grins at certain people who don't know how psychic i am with regards to their lives. my dreams scare me ): not in the "quick-run-there's-a-ghost" way, but in the disturbing "OMFG DON'T TELL ME THAT'S ACTUALLY GONNA HAPPEN?!" way that plagues only people tormented with dreams that have come shockingly true before. believe me when i say shockingly true. a whole new meaning to the gay jaeho phrase, jal janae kkum kkwo. perhaps because of the weird dreams, i've hardly been able to get a full night of rest since weeks and weeks ago. i keep waking up feeling throat-parchingly thirsty :/ like how i woke up at three this morning dying for a glass of water, and then i was dead tired the whole day. but then again, the dreams keep me entertained and since i almost never have nightmares, they at least give me smth to look forward to - very rare in rgs life (: really! the element of surprise never fails to keep you feeling happy all day wondering what dream you're going to have tonight. it's become almost a habit for me in the past few weeks to stone in front of the bathroom mirror every morning and try my darnest to rmbr what i dreamed the night before. dreams are a double-edged sword. :D

omg my mother amuses me to no end! during dinner my dad was saying tht he's gna get interviewed by women's weekly and complaining abt how last time he got interviewed by some mag i just had to go and tell him to say that horatio cane was his favourite character in csi miami (HAHA :D), and afterwards he found out that horatio cane was like this incredibly emotionless guy and daddy didn't like him atall XD so just now my mom heard, and our conversation pretty much went like this:

mom: "oh, no this time they can ask you about min-HOO and korean moviestars" -looks at me and grins.
me: "no mom, i know nothing about korean moviestars. it's korean singers."
mom: "oh! korean singers?"
me: "yes yes, like SE7EN! they should ask about se7en, and i can tell you like everything including his age, height and real name, daddy."
mom: "why se7en??"
me: "cos that's his name? o.O"
mom: "no no, why se7en and not eight?" omfg HOW LAME IS THAT LA, HAHAHA.

and then i told her about wendy's mom telling erkor that she likes rain (hoho).

me: "singaporeans only know rain and not se7en! se7en dances so much better la."
mom: "who's rain?" -frowns.
me: "you know the guy with the small eyes, the super famous korean singer guy. they sell his posters all over the place."
mom: "oh oh, THAT ONE." -wrinkles nose and looks disapproving.
me: "see see mommy you don't like him right! se7en's cuter (:"
mom: "hah. i only like THUNDERSTORMS."

HAHA OMG, i think all my lame cells are diffusing to my mom alrd. she's getting lamer than jeanting and angel put together. i bet angel wouldn't have thought of the thunderstorm thing. (:

2006-04-04T18:25:00.000+08:00

crimson splashes of bright red life
comfort your soul

it's a new day! and that bubbly instinctive feeling i've been having for the past week is back (: thanks you guys! especially angel who wrote me such a nice comforting loud (haha) email. go check YOUR mail now (: back to the premonition thing, it's like the weird sisters' pricking of their thumbs in macbeth, except the opposite cos theirs meant evil and mine basically means good. imma sweet girl :D it's true okay, rhea's mom thinks imma sweet girl. sam thinks i'm only a sweet girl without specs, apparently i look "more intellectual" with specs on. best of both worlds, eh.

shakira and i have discovered that obsessing over se7en helps you pay better attention during math! you know every time i was starting to get distracted or tired, khc suddenly went "then divide by 7" and then i'll suddenly perk up and pay full attention to whatever she happens to be explaining (x just ask renu, she was so amazed at how i could relate math to k-pop singers, heh. then later on i found out that the exact same thing happened to kira :D blame erkor for influencing us la, kira claims i was suffering from dbsk withdrawal symptoms today during bio when cwl didn't come. as soon as krystal got off the com, i skidded across the classroom and choped it to search for dbsk pics (: oh well, like jkoh smartly said, all of us have our coping mechanisms, so i guess dbsk is one of mine. i have a wide and varied array of coping mechanisms okay, i've just added prose to them. although now my prose is starting to sound more like free verse poetry :/ shall get twinn to read over, she's the only one i'd ever allow to read such raw rubbish penned from angst. (x

neil gaiman is one of my biggest coping mechanisms! i saw grace's library copy of american gods today, and i wanted to own it so so so so much. twinn says she's influencing me with her ownership-of-books mentality; i still don't share her view that good books should look well-read though, i prefer my covers still intact thank you very much. thanks to dad, rhea and celeste, i now have three books to finish. not that i'm complaining, of course. coping mechanisms, remember?

updated list of books to read:
1. the lost art of keeping secrets, eva rice
2. life expectancy, dean koontz
3. the god of small things, arundhati roy
4. the big over easy, jasper fforde (must buy)
5. anansi's boys, neil gaiman

i suddenly have this inexplicable need to watch elephant, or whatever that movie a few years back was called. it's a foreign film, i think. on these rebel students in school, and if i'm not wrong there're lesbians somewhere in there too. i'm still trying to remember what language it was in, was it german? i still remember how widely publicised it was back then, it was in primary school i think.

on a more random note, i now know why erkor's eyes are so huge and ~~electrifying~~ (according to huang laoshi). it's cos she drinks so much coffee!

2006-04-03T20:05:00.000+08:00

who made up all the rules
we follow them like fools,
believe them to be true

i'm sorry, so sorry, i'm sorry it's like this. i know that no matter how sorry i am, i can never be sorry enough to change things, can never be sorry enough to make you proud of who i am. but i'm really sorry to the best of my abilities, i'm as sorry as i can possibly be; you have no idea how sorry i actually am. you have no idea how many times i've cried myself to bed, how many times i've stared at those scissors willing my hand to move, how many times i've passed by the pharmacy looking in, how many times i've wanted to rip all those incriminating pieces of paper. you have no idea that i'm crying as i write this, you have no idea how far i'd really go to make you happy. can't you see how much harder i'm trying this year? i'm really sorry for screwing things up last year, i'm sorry i can't get an above 3.8GPA average for years 3 and 4 anymore, i'm sorry i ponned the gifted exam after psle, i'm sorry i can't do 2 H3 subjects anymore, i'm sorry i had to see the look on your face when i told you only the people with above 3.8 can take 2 H3. can't you see that i'm being stretched so far that all i can see is more work, and i have to rely on intuitive premonitions of serendipity to make myself happy. my premonitions are never wrong; i'm really expecting something good to happen. something always does, when i feel like this. if it didn't, i don't think i could hold on anymore.

do you see what i see,
why do we live like this?
is it because it's true that ignorance is bliss?

2006-04-02T11:14:00.000+08:00

she left me roses by the stairs,
surprises let me know she cares.

dreams, as both kurosawa and freud suggested, are reflections of our unconscious desires, but unconscious desires never killed anyone. it's when they manifest themselves in conscious decisions that the actual dynamics happen.

i am compelled to blog about our FANTASTADELIC filming session at wendy's place on thurs! more specifically, her condo's meeting room. a bit late to do so, though (x after jkoh's car demonstration thang, we walked to far east to buy baby powder (yes, baby powder) for the witches' makeup. i saw za 2way selling for $18! but my aunt's getting it, so nvm heh. roar, and there was a subway beckoning at us! ada and i almost wanted to go dapao subway. anyway i got to eat it ystd when twinn dapaoed it for cellie and me. thanks twinn :D okay so we bought the powder and bussed to wendy's place. i suggested filming wendy's condo name "mei ya shan zhuang" in kurosawa's "zhi zhu shan zhuang" style, but then decided against it cos mei ya is such a... genteel name ): sidenote: wynne claims bel-air sounds like an airline.

wendy's security guard knows her by name! how cool is that, that's what you get when you buy a penthouse in orchard. my security guards suck, they just let anyone who waves at them into the condo. wtf, just because you wave doesn't mean you live here you know! then wendy's brother was being ~~irritating~~ ~~pestillent~~ helpful by ~~nagging at~~ ~~warning~~ advising us not to make noise when we walked cos there was a buyer viewing the house. grrrr, how anyone can be so ~~annoying~~ sensible at 10 years old is beyond me. anyway we dumped all the clothes and makeup in wendy's room and posed outside on the sofa (erkor claims our reflections in wendy's balcony door looked like dbsk ~~and that she looked like max~~) waiting for the buyer to leave. she was some philippino taitai whose (assumedly rich angmoh american) husband was in the us doing business, so she was here looking at the house on her own. i want a husband like that too! i told erkor she's probably gonna have the house all to herself half the time, and like gets paid to live in it or smth (:

we all went down to the meeting room to film after the witches and macbeth got changed, and erkor and i got to ~~experiment~~ demonstrate our pro makeup skills on the cult/witches (muaha). wendy is my masterpiece! she looks so BLOODY SCARY on camera, pardon the pun :D ada shakira wendy were the cult people, erkor was macbeth, and i was the director cum cameraman woohoo my camera skills rock :DD erkor and i have telepathy, i film the way she envisions it even though she doesn't tell me anything. HOHO (: and the hectate looks freaking scary! just that it's really dark so it might not show up on a normal school com screen, although it looks just nice on cam. the whole thing was so cool! and being the pale child ghost was the best ((: it was SO FUN! i freaked out everyone with my uber white face and pale pale lips (courtesy of a LOT of dior compact powder), and it was hilarious because there was a huge ant right in front of my nose on the tree i was supposed to appear from, so i just endured it until erkor yelled CUT and right away i jumped out and started whacking at my arms and legs cos the bushes were so insect-infested. so what the people in the car park saw was the ghostly looking girl dressed in white flickering behind a tree, then suddenly jumping out and screaming "ERKORRRR! GOT AAAAANTS!!" LOL XD

i have a shot of the witches on my cam phone! they all look freaky and goth and unrecognisable, especially wendy omg WENDY. i kept zooming in to her face cos it looked like a cross between hollywood occult and the league of extraordinary gentlemen. maybe that's why i've been having nightmares for the past few days :/ nightmares don't reflect desires, they express hidden fears -shudders. anyway overall, the whole thing was so well done that it makes our ninja scene seem lightyears away. in other words, it kind of sucks so we hafta redo it. we're gonna refilm at wendy's house this sat YAY OH JOY filming again :DD twinn says she thinks we're the most enthu group in our class, cos we're like almost as enthu as her class people.

i finally finished neverwhere a few days ago, and i conclude that neil gaiman is the true master of his game, regardless of what twinn says. there are other masters, but somehow they're playing a different game, writing a different genre. there's noone else like neil gaiman, his storyline, his plot twists, his vivid imagination, his literary expression, his symbolism, his character development, his climactic endings, they're all uniquely remarkable and utterly expected of him (: imma true neil gaiman fan! i suspect i'm about to turn into a dean koontz fan as well, now that cellie's lent me life expectancy :D and i already am a JASPER FFORDE FAN, OMG I WANT THE BIG OVER EASY NOW (:

keep your head still, i'll be your thrill
the night will go on, the night will go on
my little windmill.

2006-03-26T18:13:00.000+08:00

oh my love, please don't cry
i'll wash my bloody hands
and we'll start a new life

woohoo we finally finished filming the ninja scene, after i went to so much trouble to book the function room through that post-menopausal crackwhore down at the management office, and after waiting two hours for wendy to arrive with the video camera. erkor, shakira and i had fun waiting though, cos we spent the whole two hours holed up in the spare room watching dbsk miniserials (: i like dangerous love, it's so cute! especially the part when jaejoong thinks yunho likes him after reading some random slasher fanfic. omg and yunho looked amazingly unbelievably psychadelically that-kind-of-guy-only-exists-in-korea shuai when jaejoong fell and he caught him with one arm. omg omg, and he was wearing just the kind of suit that i go crazy over. you know that dark blazer outside plus lighter shirt inside with shirt collar sticking out of blazer/jacket collar combo :DDD yunho wearing that is enough to make any girl's eyes turn to hearts!

se7en's new video is undeniably incredibly HOT. look here angel! it's called i know and the video's pasted right smack in the middle of my friendster profile so it should be hard to miss. hoho erkor and i were grinning at the irony, i know you know, i know UKNOW! OMG YUNHO! (: i just realised the other day that while se7en and uknow both have the same signature one-arm handstand move, se7en's legs form a 7 and uknow's legs form a U when they perform it. (i almost wrote 'when they do it', but that would sound awfully wrong). how pro is that!!! and uknow even uses his other hand to do that annoying KAWAII gesture that i find so appealing nowadays :D

wendy arrived super ~~late~~ early at around 12, so we all ran around desperately changing and rehearsing and positioning (both cameras and selves) and memorising until 1, when we trooped off to the kitchen to start filming. shit i am sad, the camera does not like me atall ): somehow my attempts to look sardonically incredulous end up looking on camera like i'm about to laugh x/ then everyone else refused to refilm, so i look like some spasticated professional muscle twitcher ))): huh, that's the last time i try to express chim-sounding emotions. i never knew how complicated and time-consuming filming is until today you know, when wendy had to enter the kitchen at least 4 times and say 'hi mom', then she had to open and close my fridge door like TEN TIMES? i lost count alrd. and i have a feeling i wasted an awful lot of water pretending to wash the dishes. i don't look motherly at all! i look exactly like what i am, someone who doesn't know how to wash dishes and is pretending to look like she knows what she's doing but actually doesn't and is simply filling the basin with water and draining it and filling and draining all over again XD whew.

but overall it was UBERFUN (((: cos when we moved down to the function room, that was when the action started, and erkor and kira got to look scary and zombie-ish, wendy got to do her eyes-widen-and-points thing plus smear blood over her chin, and i got to do my shudder-turn-scream-run-scream-run-scream-stop-turn-SCREAMSCREAMSCREAM thing. oh joy :D the run-scream part turned out especially well cos wendy did a back shot of me running and turning to face the camera looking horrified and breathing heavily and running again etc. i'm surprised wendy's eardrums didn't burst when i screamed 'DAAAANNN!' in her face, lol i actually scraped my knee doing that scene. i love that cool shadow effect we did for the scene when erkor kills me with the dagger! you can see the shadow of the dagger descending and then you hear the scream and once we add the sound effects you'll hear the 'chkk' sound when i get slashed, and the shot of the blood splattered on the floor (: ~~we actually splashed fake blood on the function room floor for that, the old bitch at management would have a fit if she knew.~~ and after we finished, all of us started camera-whoring and doing stupid se7en actions (x erkor and i painted bloody 7s on our cheeks with red paint :D my maid asked me who died when we got back to the house, hoho.

mom and i walked to cold storage at rail mall and bought ice cream cos it's so hot, then we walked home rlly fast before the ice cream melted (: it's to cool my throat as well, after all that screaming. shall post filming photos up when i get the chance :D

you mourn the death of
your bloody valentine.

2006-03-24T19:15:00.000+08:00

fake tales of san francisco
echo through the room

this is my second post today! but who cares, i saw this ipod oracle meme game on angel's blog and i just HAD to play it :D

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

here's what i got from my itunes:

1. How does the world see me?
i bet you look good on the dance floor - arctic monkeys.
yesss see see, everyone thinks i'll look good on the dance floor! not everyone gets to see, though :D
2. Will I have a happy life?
flavour of the week - american hi-fi.
that can be good or bad :/ it either means i'm gonna ~~continue~~ be~~ing~~ fickle all my life, OR that my life will be uber fascinating and every week will bring new things/flavours! I'LL TAKE THE SECOND (:
3. What do my friends really think of me?
he wasn't - avril lavigne.
OKAY FINE, STOP RUBBING IT IN ALREADY ))):
4. Do people secretly lust after me?
helena - my chemical romance.
i so did not get that. -goes and searches for lyrics. eeew, that kind of lust i can do without; how dark, deadly, possessive and... gothic. and well i'm holding on tonight sounds pretty darn suggestive x/
5. How can I make myself happy?
i miss you - blink 182.
by MISSING PEOPLE? no thanks. or maybe it means i'll be happy when i find the angel from my nightmare (:
6. What should I do with my life?
tell her tonight - franz ferdinand.
weeellllll, this would be a much better answer for the lust question, but you take what you get and you get what you give yes? jessie, i'm telling you tonight (x
7. Will I ever have children?
breaking the habit - linkin park.
wtf does that mean??! tell me if you ever figure out :/
8. What is some good advice for me?
ransom letter - pug jelly.
i should steal someone's heart and offer them a ransom letter. SE7EN WILL DO, HE'S RICH ENOUGH TO PAY THE RANSOM (:
9. How will I be remembered?
words, hands, hearts - yellowcard.
awww, i'm touched. that's exactly how i want to be remembered! for my words, my hands, and my heart. how lyrical is that (:
10. What is my signature dancing song?
five colours in her hair - mcfly.
hey it's right! that was one of my favourites last year (: remember when addy and dunno who were dancing to it in class, lol.
11. What do I think my current theme song is?
they - jem.
an abstract song to have as a current theme, but fairly accurate nevertheless. somehow that song appeals to me right now, plus it's one of the most played songs on grey's anatomy :D do you see what i see, why do we live like this? is it because it's true, that ignorance is bliss.
12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
the rock show - blink 182.
WHOA OKAY. i know i know, i ROCK (: oh shit i sound like angel. hoho, nice song to have as a theme though. loud high-speed fun with interludes of slower tune.
13. What song will play at my funeral?
grand theft autumn - fallout boy.
you were the last good thing about this part of town. self explanatory (:
14. What type of men/women do I like?
Men: my friends over you - new found glory.
WHAT THE HELL?! NO, NEVER. quite the opposite, actually. oh wait or does it mean MY friends over HIM? haha maybe then, maybe.
Women: i'll find you again - october fall.
omg that is such a sweet song, it sounds so brokeback mountain-ish ((: haha or does it just mean that i like girls i can play hide and seek with. oh my, that sounded tres wrong.
15. What is my day going to be like?
don't speak - no doubt.
not very helpful, considering it's 7.55pm. stuff i do after 7.55pm usually doesn't involve speaking, unless it's screaming at stupid people on the tv.

OH SHIT i just realised i didn't say all the questions aloud ): nvm, i shall do it again tomorrow or smth and say it out loud this time. no wonder i got weird answers :/ breaking the habit for the having children question? what the hell.

2006-03-24T18:13:00.000+08:00

and i have no choice,
cos i won't say goodbye anymore

haha my grandma is so cute, i'm her heart-shaped pudding honeylove (that was a direct cantonese translation) and she's my strawberry cheesecake chocolate icecream (: adorable, aren't we. walked to ford factory today with my maid cos it's only 5 mins walk from my house but somehow my dad fears for my safety and insisted on lily accompanying me. she had lots of fun playing around with the mp3s on my phone while waiting for the school bus to arrive, heh. then addy came at around 8.45 and we waited till 9 plus for the school bus to arrive. i should've gone later ): it was pretty much boring except the anime-like film thing by nanyang poly, lol no wonder all the faces were blurred and ugly, it was drawn by guys so duh they didn't bother making the adnan guy shuai. syimah thinks he's hot :D rahhhh the close vicinity to my house made me feel like going home the whole time, but noo we had to go back to school for the lit movie screening.

the feudal jap version of macbeth, kurosawa's throne of blood :D a point to note, akira kurosawa has a seriously deranged mind. asaji (lady macbeth) looks like a cross between sadako and the ugliest geisha i have ever seen, and washizu (macbeth) looks like a big-eyed japanese demon from inuyasha. miki (banquo) is just plain fat and blur-looking, and his son (fleance) is like the only remotely cute guy in the show. haha so it was quite obvious why everyone in the room cheered and clapped rlly loudly when the assassin told washizu that miki's son had escaped. heh and whenever the battle scenes got boring, random people would go "eh where's the cute guy?" or "i want them to show miki's son!" :D ~~people like erkor and me. (x~~ omg and wendy actually thought i meant mikiSAN, who is his father?! and then she was wondering why i had such strange taste. EEEWWW ):

goodbye, goodbye. i'll only remember the bad and forget the good; i'll erase the sound of your voice choking on those useless words and blind myself to the magnetic pull of your eyes. i'll keep your photo in my wallet to remind myself that love isn't only blind but deaf (:

listen to your lies and all your stories,
you're not half the man you'd like to be

2006-03-23T17:20:00.000+08:00

i see your frown,
and it's like looking down the barrel of a gun

no prizes for guessing what i'm listening to right now. erkor, kira and ada came over for lit rehearsal and they just left. i feel so accomplished! we found so many ~~random~~ sound clips and weaved them ingeniously into one playlist which we labelled 'macbeth' (: which we then edited and saved and edited and saved, cos you can't add more clips till you save and once you add one you must save again so you can add another one. whew, not tiring atall yes?

anyway, i koped this from addy (you know i actually wrote ada at first) who got it from syaz's friendster so here goes quintessential boredom put to semi-productive use.

GIRLY SURVEY PART ONE:
mascara or eyeliner?
--> mascara, my eyes teared like hell the one time some studio stylist tried to put eyeliner on me for a family portrait.
little purses or big purses?
--> both, depends on the occasion.
curling iron or straightener?
--> straightener! are you NUTS?
pink nail polish or french tips?
--> french tips (:
tank top or halter top?
--> halter, with those cute little jackets yes.
lipstick or lipgloss?
--> gloss :D
eyeshadow or blush?
--> eyeshadow, i'm pink enough as it is.
roses or daisies?
--> roses are REDD, tsk i sound like a hopeless romantic :/
glitter or sequins?
--> where? lol, glitter.
bikinis or a fashionable one piece?
--> NOT BIKINI PLEASE. i'm not celeste's brother's girlfriend, thank you very much. ~~i don't want to be, either. that slut.~~
love or lust?
--> refer to above about the hopeless romantic.
abercrombie or hollister?
--> ABERCROMBIE AND FITCH, oh joy i still haven't worn my new abercrombie shirt :D
starbucks or jambu juice?
-->starbucks! what the hell is jambu juice? haha sounds like smth from lion king.
mini-skirts or daisy duke shorts?
--> why do i get the feeling that daisy duke shorts are like hotpants? if they are, i'd rather take miniskirts. i don't have sharm's legs for hotpants.
aeropostale or american eagle?
--> american eagle :D mom's the one with the aeropostale shirt.
cell phone or ipod?
--> cell phone, undeniably. it doubles as my ipod anyway (:(:
pink or blue?
--> blue.
britney spears or lisa marie presley:
--> neither. ARCTIC MONKEYS AND SE7EN, THEY'RE HOTTER BY FAR :D and se7en dances a helluva lot better than britney. can lisa marie even dance?
news or gossip?
--> the politically correct answer would be news, duh. i don't gossip, imma nice girl. (omg i remind myself of siti during the funkytown trial).
jackets, hoodies or sweaters?
--> um, jackets.
21 or Charlotte Russe?
--> what's charlotte russe? or who? 21.
bebe or guess?
--> guess guess guess, hoho again mom's the one with the bebe shirt. i have the guess stuff ((:
blondes or brunettes do it best?
--> BRUNETTES, SE7EN ISN'T A BLONDE. and neither is jon jonsson or roy mustang or u-know or the paco robanna model OR the hugo boss guy. i don't trust blondes, in any case.
necklaces or earrings?
--> both? or earrings, probably.
nick lachey or justin timberlake?
--> justin timberlake, duh.
lollipops or suckers?
--> suckers sounds really, really wrong. lollipops :D
sunglasses or hats?
--> sunglasses; guess shades (:
GIRLY SURVEY PART TWO ::
01. DO YOU HAVE A LOT OF MAKE-UP?
--> weeelllll, that depends on what you mean by 'a lot'.
02. HOW MUCH DO YOU PUT ON?
--> depends. foundation&gloss are the basics.
03. HOW LONG DOES iT TAKE YOU TO GETREADY?
--> HAHA ASK ANYONE WHO'S EVER WAITED FOR ME.
04. THERE IS NO QUESTION HERE PEOPLE!!!DUMB HEAD!
--> -.-" -gives ms chionh's diao face.
05. DOES YOUR LIPGLOSS SMELL GOOD?
--> it doesn't smell anything, it tastes like cherry.
06. DO YOU CARRY A PURSE?
--> tote not purse. or handbag?
07. WHAT COLOR iS iT?
--> which one? black, pink, white, silver, generally.
08. WHERE DO YOU GET THEM?
--> canada, singapore,, malaysia, thailand. duh.
09. DO YOU HAVE COACH BAG?
--> no, i don't like the car seat material ones. and those were the only ones at the airport.
10. DO YOU HAVE A LOUiS VUTTiON?
--> noooo, once again with the car seat material. plus the LV letters all over and the dull brown/beige colour.
how bout GUESS?
--> NO BUT I WANT ONE. I WANT A GUESS BAG FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
11. HOW MANY PURSES DO YOU HAVE?
--> about 7, i don't call them purses though. small totes, big totes.
12. DO YOU LiKE TO WEAR NAiL POLiSH?
--> yesyes every holiday without fail! -grins :D
13. HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET YOUR NAiLS DONE?
--> twice in my whole life by a pro, every holiday by myself. haha.
14. DO YOU LiKE MANiCURES?
--> YES THEY ROCK (: especially in thailand, 50 cents a nail -looks at twinn.
15. WHAT ABOUT PEDiCURES?
--> never tried.
16. DO YOU HAVE A USUAL NAiL SALON YOU GO TO?
--> no.
17. WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR HAiR CUT?
--> vincent-daniels.
18. DO YOU DYE YOUR HAir?
--> not regularly.
19. DO YOU STRAiGHTEN YOUR HAiR?
--> no, it straightens itself when cut. LOL.
20. DO YOU HAVE LOTS OF PAiRS OFSHOES?
--> hahahaha how do you define 'LOTS'?!
21. WHiCH ONES ARE YOUR FAVORiTE?
--> black heels; new pair of red heels.
22. WHAT BRAND ARE THEY?
--> charles and keith; some random german brand.
23. DO YOU WEAR HEELS EVERYWHERE?
--> yesss, i need the height boost.
24. CAN YOU WALK iN HEELS AND NOT FALLOVER?
--> no, i wear them all the time even though i can't walk in them at all. i trip constantly every time i go out. DUH I CAN. i can run too! -looks proud of myself. (:
25. WHERE DO YOU BUY YOUR CLOTHES?
--> all over singapore, wherever mom wants to take me shopping :D

2006-03-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

so all that's left,
is the proof that love's not only blind but deaf

the itunes review was right, the arctic monkeys really are geniuses! great drumbeats, random but addictive guitar riffs, fallout boy-esque lyrics but a lot less serious, it's a killer combination. i'm head over heels in love :D i shall go buy their next album since i already have half the songs in this one (x i bet that you look good on the dancefloor, dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984. fascinating, isn't it. hoho twinn's gonna call me fickle again, smth about me changing music addictions like, like, err, a hermit crab changes its shell. okay, not a good comparison but oh well that's what you get when twinn talks nonstop about tioman all day, heh.

i went grocery shopping with twinn today! that's right, I WENT GROCERY SHOPPING! applause, please. more like twinn helped me pick out groceries and taught me how to pick good quality bread, ~~i'm hopeless at grocery shopping~~. at least this time wasn't as bad as the time mom told me to go buy vegetables from west mall and i dragged twinn with me cos i needed someone to show me what on earth watercress looked like :/ bought delifrance muffins for my grandma, lol i am strangely amused that they had only chocolate at jurong east and only banana at bkt panjang. i wonder if it's based on the branch manager's muffin fetishes or smth. heh char bugging me to go to the gym with her now, i am so overjoyed i can finally tell her that i have gone to the gym this week! TWICE SO FAR! and it's only wednesday (:

science centre trip today! qte a few people didn't know whether to meet at school or sc, cos they only posted the meeting place on inet so if you didn't check you wouldn't know. our school never expects too much of us, you know. that was sarcasm by the way, in case you didn't realise. math viva ystd went quite well, the questions she asked were pretty expected; just that i didn't expect to her ask practically ALL of them?! i talked until my throat was dry luh ): tsk, the things we do for marks. kim, grace and i were supposed to have viva at 2.30 but somehow everything got pushed back 1 hour plus so we all sat there waiting with the 2pm and 3pm groups, then after viva i took a lift from grace's superdaddy (yes, he is a superdaddy) to chancery for tuition. ugh i was actually gonna meet rhea at 3 but in the end when i was walking in i saw rhea's mom driving her out? cos i got there at like 4 plus :/ then reached home at 7 plus. we're all getting training for work you know, wake up super early and reach home after dark -sarcastic smile.

oh shit, i have that tune for "war" stuck in my head right now. it's this song from boston legal, which is a totally whacked show by the way. whacked in a good way, like whacked as in fascinating in a crazy way. it's a mixture of the best closing statements i have ever heard in my entire life, and ridiculous bursts of insanity in the courtroom ("your honour, you may have mad cow disease. look, your lip is quivering!"). and that war song is seriously catchy! war! HEURRGH, HAH. what is it good for? absolutely nothing! it's like a warcry or smth (:

i finally finished reading velocity by dean koontz! it's neverwhere by neil gaiman right now, he rocks. rhea's finally developed my ~~bad~~ habit of flipping to the back and reading the ending when she gets sick of the book. my theory is, if the book's not good enough to keep you reading till the end then you're probably better off reading the ending and getting it over and done with. :D

by the way everyone, I FINALLY FINISHED MY SS ESSAY! :D

"why are we so hung up on every dead or dying patient that comes in? so we can tell their family that we did everything we could."
-george, grey's anatomy.

2006-03-14T16:41:00.000+08:00

this boy's so spectacular
not a boy, but a wealthy bachelor
i want a car, i want a car, yeah

chiang mai was FUN (: i bought lotsa stuff, including 3 bags and the long-awaited guess shades. plus, i finally got the franz ferdinand 2-in-1 cd; listen out for the hallelujah chorus :D you could have it so much better! woohoo. chiang mai is like the shopping heaven of hk, just with MUCH cheaper goods. even in air-conditioned shopping malls and everything, prices are like a fraction of singapore's. woots, billabong quiksilver and roxy are like all over the place luh and it's impossible to tell the real ones from the fake ones cos everything is so damned cheap (: brought back another abercrombie shirt. ugh s'pore sucks la it doesn't even have a&f, i hafta get my supply from malaysia. oh oh and for the benefit of everyone who wants to know, number of hot guys spotted = countless. unfortunately, all the hot ones are either gay or already girls, so no chance, ladies :/ unless you go for all the angmoh ones, and there are quite a few. swiss, dutch, german, french, you name it they got it. my mom says they all go there to look for thai girls to marry. especially the old, fat, and balding ones (x

plane ride home was okay, but thai air can never compare to sq ): their food sucks most of the time and they don't have tvs. plus, their seat inclination mechanism is always faulty; 2 out of 4 planes i sat on had the seat thing permanently loose so it's impossible to UN-incline your chair. once you lean back, the whole thing just inclines without you pressing anything. a word for the wise: never order special meals unless you absolutely have to. most of the time, they just give you vegetables and nothing else cos every single thing has just the tiniest possibility of containing peanuts. bleaaargh ): but dad insisted on ordering cos it's thai air, and thai people put peanuts in just about everything. i miss the tuk-tuks! they're like modern rickshaws with shade and motorbikes instead of bicycles, plus they're much safer and uberfun to sit in :D i think tuk-tuk is such a cute name, heh.

i got my nails done! whatever la dad wouldn't let me get black (he has a bias against all things black) so i got yellow, but my parents claim it's green. haha i was showing it off just now at sherry's place when we, err, shuffled (?) the mahjong tiles. i finally learned to play mahjong! oh, joy :D sherry and her sis taught me and i won my first game la, not bad for a beginner (x mahjong is fun! i shall go over often and play with them, since they live just opposite.

movies to watch:
1. casanova
2. munich (still)
3. lxg (jessie's)
4. ultraviolet
5. aquamarine

books i MUST BUY:
1. velocity, dean koontz
2. american gods, neil gaiman

american gods is one of those books you feel you need to own, because it's just so... incredible (: someone can get it for me for this year's birthday, if daddy doesn't get it for me first that is. yay he took leave this week so he can treat me to movie AND take me to borders. good thing i already know what i wanna buy :D maybe i should get cell by stephen king as well, and vanishing acts by jodi picoult. then imma gonna hunt for more neil gaiman books! neil gaiman rocks, he's like the master weaver of mythology, suspense and mystery. one word: DARK. most of the time, anyway. more irrelevantly, jessie's coming over for another movie date on friday (: and shucks, i seriously should get started on the various pts. namely ss, lit, and chem.

i swapped my innocence for pride,
crushed the end within my stride
said i'm strong now i know that i'm a leaver
i love the sound of you walking away, you walking away
mascara bleeds a blackened tear.

2006-03-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

why do i keep hitting myself
on the head with a hammer again?
because it feels so damned good when i stop.

OMF I AM DAMN FRICKIN TIRED. english test was okay, but after tht had to go bp interchange to top up ezlink with rhea, pick up a new bottle and takopachi balls from bp cos i lost my bottle and mom REFUSES to buy me a new one. and then, i had to bus to btsc from bp, PAST my house by the way, to fix my specs as we're going to thailand tmr and i obviously don't plan to go to thailand with crooked specs because i will not be able to see properly. again, my oh so kind mother REFUSED to drive me there or pick me up, so i smartly got off at the wrong bus stop cos i've never bussed there before in my life, and i had to walk all the way to btsc from some random bus stop and i twisted my left ankle for the SECOND TIME this week (oh joy!) and when i finally got to the optical shop in bstc, some fucked up optician woman commented on... the redness of my face. she thought it was a skin condition?! like, wtf la you're not the one who had to walk all the way here because your mother refused to drive you and you got off at the wrong bus stop cos you have absolutely no idea to get here! so go ahead, bitch, blame me for looking flushed. it is YOUR optical shop i'm visiting after all so i'm sure there's absolutely no risk whatsoever of losing a customer.

then after all that crap i walked to shell station feeling shitty and guess what? my baby dropped on the concrete pavement and CHIPPED! my phone, that is. omg shit luh it's new you know the quickshare one with the memory card and the pixels of an ixus digicam ): so i walked the rest of the way to the bus stop with this "stay away from me or I WILL BITE YOU" look on my face, and this woman was so freaked out that she shifted a whole metre backwards just to let me pass at the bus stop. it woulda been funny if i wasn't so pissed off. and when i got to my condo carpark, there was this huge lizard thing sitting in my way and i was so bloody tired that i had no energy to scream, so i just looked at the cursed thing and thought "FUCK OFF" and amazingly, it worked.

so here i sit with my left ankle aching and a vein in my left foot popping out like some green snake entrapped in my skin and my grandmother buzzing around behind me and shit i haven't packed for tomorrow, tata.

2006-03-08T21:37:00.000+08:00

what are we sleeping for,
we've got nothing to dream of

my latest music addiction = october fall (: i want their a season in hell cd ! my itunes recently played list currently consists of 12 se7en songs, 3 october fall songs, 1 chinese song (yes, go ahead and gasp, erkor sent it to me), and random song requests by my maid. lol you'd be surprised at how many songs she's into; it's hard to believe that she actually used to like F4??! dda geo oon kaseum eh, neoreul an eul rae. nae ga jook neunnur ggaji, neoman sarang hal rae. se7en songs are hip-twistingly catchy! either that or heart-rendingly touching. if i could ever be the one (:

shit shit math test totally sucked today ! don't ask, just shoot me dead with a silver gun. that sounds disturbingly similar to take me home from the ball game.

grant me the eternal bliss
of erasing poisoned memories.
pierce sharpened spear through jaded heart,
and end this never-ending pain.

and they say, fear no more the heat of the sun. golden girls and golden boys must, as all of these return to dust. chase the paper trail and reap rewards of momentary exhilaration; concentrated pockets of unadulterated triumph. a permanent sense of focus carries us through the day, all borne by the hope of tomorrow, when tomorrow never comes, but the voices do. they always do, the voices accuse; miscomprehension oozes through contaminated words like poisonous drops of mercury. mercury, large amounts are easily identified and purged by your system but the tiny traces stay and slowly sink into your soul.

life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
that struts and frets his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more. it is a tale
told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing.
-macbeth, william shakespeare.

tired.

2006-02-26T20:03:00.000+08:00

when you feel all alone,
and the world has turned its back on you
give me a moment please
to tame your wild, wild heart

i'm just so tired, in more than one sense.

shit, i fell asleep just now for two hours and i still don't feel like doing that stupid extra zuowen we hafta hand up monday. maybe i can just tell her i put it in her locker alrd, then give her that "you lost it?!" face, but celeste said she'll just ask me redo again. is she MAD?! if i really put it in her locker i'd refuse to redo it, DUH.

why is there always so much to do? why does it seem like, the more things i cut, the less time i have and the more stressed i feel?

let me be the one you call
if you jump, i'll break your fall
lift you up and fly away with you into the night
if you need to fall apart,
i can mend a broken heart
if you need to crash, then crash and burn
you're not alone.

2006-02-22T20:21:00.000+08:00

look like the innocent flower,
but be the serpent under't

lit test tomorrow ! twinn recommended me this really cool royal shakespeare company site on the actual production, and it has all the analyses of the play and characters done by the actors themselves. HOW COOL IS THAT MAN. and the lady macbeth ! man, can she act. i wanna go to london and be her protege, imagine what i could do under her mentorship. i'd be come more expressive than i am already! haha watching all the excerpts and interviews with the actors got me into a lit mood (: i like being in a lit mood, it hits me with a whole load of inspiration that i wish i'd been hit with before i finished writing that formative essay. oh my, then i was in such a littish mood that i kept yelling (in caps) at twinn that WE SHOULD GO WATCH A PLAY.

so i casually mentioned to my daddy that twinn's mother was treating her to west side story on her birthday, and he started asking questions like where is it and obviously he's heard of west side story. my daddy is a patron of fine arts :D then he just listened to me bubbling and went "you want to go is it?" and "has mel booked the tickets?" and before i knew it, he was going "tell her to book one more, i'll pay for you"! like all this in less than five minutes :D:D OMG MY DADDY ROCKS! he is such a supporter of literary tastes and stage productions woohoo (: so now i'm going with twinn, her mom and a'cia for the matinee on april 15th, omg i can't wait till april 15th -bubbles over.

oh oh, and i am seriously infatuated with the rsc director of macbeth ! he is so, so, fascinating :D it's like he's so young and yet so talented and everything. he's like one of those literary types who are just so consumed and engulfed by their passion for theater and literature. i admire that kind of people because they're actually able to structure their whole life around the thing they love the most and not many people can succeed in doing that. i, for one, can't picture myself taking such a big risk and going to drama school. there is that one slightest chance, but it's not very likely cos out of a hundred students from a theater school, probably only around ten or less make it to west end. WEST END ! omg, twinn and i want to go to london :D they should have a lit field trip to west end with a mentorship program on stage productions and stuff ! why do they discriminate against the lit students?! we don't have ANY lit field trips, not even the france one cos now that's exclusively for hist students ): heh maybe we can organise our own excursions or smth :D

the SE7ENTH wonder

2006-02-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

oh, let the music come through my body

ahhh erkor has gotten me addicted to all those hot and varied k-pop guys! they dance so damn well, especially se7en and rain :D i think rain is hotter as in he looks damn sexaye in his music videos, but se7en can dance better and he looks damn pai in his videos. GUDEMANUR AGRESSO NE SUMI DA HANDEDO, COS YOU ARE THE ONE :D that was from perfect man by shinhwa. i went to see the it's raining mv on youtube and i just had to put it on my friendster ! RAIN IS HAWT ((: and se7en looks so sad in the mv where he goes out to buy stuff for his gf's birthday but she doesn't turn up. fwaah but i don't know the song name cos the title was just se7en video. omg then he cried at the end? wtf la i can't take it when pretty boys cry, it's just wrong ): ahhh then when he cried i felt like crying too! hoho kinda like brokeback mountain, when ennis hugged jack i totally sobbed. ack anyway i have come to the conclusion that the hot korean guys are all taken up dancing in the entertainment industry so thts why the ones left in the streets aren't shuai atall (x omg se7en dances like, like, heaven! haha that rhymed, see it's true. there's just smth about guys who can dance that makes them hot, like the blonde guy in bring it on again. i agree with cheryl! it is VITAL to date a korean guy at least once in your lifetime! go cheryl, i support you! you will marry a korean! XD

today was student leaders' invest ! damn fun la, the concert was worth two hours of enduring boring speeches by the gohs, dtan, and co. the sec 4 prefects' dance was the total best, erkor looked so ~~HOT (shit that would be incest)~~ cool dancing please! but SHHHH don't let her know i said it :D i overheard like half a dozen girls saying they're gonna stalk her after the concert. she was so mini-se7en! even her expression and everything. and apparently, the ri prefects overheard someone going "omg she's so HOT!" and then they looked over and went "eh yeah she's right leh". tskks erkor has yet some more not-so-secret admirers, ever since sec 1/2 luh. rmbr the com studies project dance thing we did in sec two, haha i did the choreographing :D then when erkor came to school and changed for filming (into what i call her punksuit), everyone in the class started coming up and asking for her number?! o.O fwaha then i dragged her off and told everyone that she's mine. hoho :D realise that if she comes online now and sees my nick she'll slaughter me. ohwell :D

twinn's birthday tomorrow! rhea and i bought her a surprise, and she's never gonna guess it (: dunno what time i should go twinn's hse tmrw, should i pon church or what. cos i really don't feel up to putting in and taking out my contacts tmrow. and it feels unnatural going with specs and makeup luh, now that i've started wearing contacts :/ ohwell maybe i shld go earlier to twinn's house and PAR-TAY! shall ask cellie (:

it's raining mv by rain:

affirmation- savage garden

2006-02-16T21:22:00.000+08:00

Affirmation - Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY !

2006-02-14T20:08:00.000+08:00

words of love and words of leisure,
words of poisoned darts of pleasure

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE! haha we were eating black canyon coffee on saturday as usual, then i realised everyone at the whole table was attached except for me? lol, it's nice to be unique eh (: i made all the d6 peeps valentines today, hoho and twinn gave me oreos how sweet. dropped by bkt panjang to pick up flowers for jessie, omg i am so bloody sweet luh i can't stand myself x/ listening to i'd do anything by simple plan for the first time in about a year; i think the v'day mood's getting to me. i'd do anything, just to hold you in my arms. omg i can actually still rmbr singing that when it was new in sec one/two. i rmbr going to celeste's house with the other d6s to do some random project, but then we all ended up doing math homework on her bedroom floor ~~as usual~~. then her brother and i started singing i'd do anything like really loud cos we were the only ones who knew all the lyrics? heh, it seems like yesterday. it's true that time flies.

valentine's day is friendship day too! it kinda makes me miss the days in sec one/two when we ran around totally un-self-consciously and i didn't give a damn about whatever whoever from wherever thought. why does it matter anyway? i mean, britney spears is a perfect example of what happens when you marry childhood friends from way back then. haha, maybe after a year of caring way too much, i'm just tired and don't wanna give a shit anymore. if you look around, really, it's the i-don't-really-care-about-anything-and-definitely-not-about-my-looks people who get the happy endings -stares at certain someone. and i miss all those crazy things the d6 used to do together, like singing stacy's mom to stacey at the top of our lungs during art class. i miss all our d6 end-of-year after-exams outings, back when erkor wasn't a prefect and sam wasn't cheerleading captain and we were all young and free and had buckets of time to kill. i even miss doing projects together! rmbr the geog one on creating a condo or smth like that, the one we did for mr wolfe, the one we named caeruleus (: it means green in roman or latin or smth, i rmbr searching for that with erkor.

tuition, ccas, and random school commitments just take up everyone's time nowadays and there's never any mutual times when we're all free to hold group outings ): if it's like this now, imagine what it'll be like in jc. shucks i think i really will cry when we leave ):

i want it NOW. I WANT MAR 12 NOW.

2006-02-07T19:29:00.000+08:00

i want it now, i want it now,
give me your heart and your soul

i want my mar 12 now ! i can't believe they delayed it fwahh ): it was spposed ta come out today okay. singapore comic suppliers are unreliable! -rants. i miss dorothy and ginta and most of all, NANASHI & ALVISS -hearts :D anzai is a genius omg i love anzai, i love anzai; he's created two of my three favourite manga so far (: i should really start reading bleach, wenting says the manga is much faster than the anime and it's still ongoing. kinda like mar anime versus manga.

lessons learnt today:

#1. being sent to stand outside the classroom is a painfully humiliating thing in our school. it mainly involves trying to pretend that you're actually outside for a diff purpose by rummaging through lockers, or acting awkwardly casual by kicking stray leaves. all the while, of course, being subject to the speculation of the very ~~kpo~~ intellectually curious student population. not that i went through all that, but rhea and i happened to spot a random gep girl standing outside her class when we paid a visit to the bathroom. it's my educated guess that the below conversation occurred many many times today, repeated by many diff people upon seeing her.

me: (stares) eh rhea, why's she standing outside her classroom doing nothing?
rhea: (stares even harder) yeah what's she standing outside for?
me: (stares some more) look, she's kicking leaves.
rhea: omg, why on earth is she standing outside her classroom?! (shudders while staring)
both: (shakes head and scurries into bathroom)

imagine, just IMAGINE, how embarrassing that would be if it happened every time someone passed by? -vows never to be sent out of classroom. in pri school it was so normal; in fact, we even stood outside in long rows talking. our school is a frightful place for delinquents :/

#2. twinns are telepathic most of the time, but sometimes our esp antennae get a bit bent in the middle. today's pre-rs-consultation conversation was a perfect example of malfunctioning twinn psyche.

me: cellie, charmaine told me that you have v..v...
twinn: ...VERY VERY ATROCIOUS MEMORY!
cellie: heyyy! (looks indignant)
me: -.-" err no twinn, i meant vividly descriptive vocabulary.
cellie: (laughs hysterically)

hoho celeste got the last laugh in that one; we got cut off when miss chionh came in and gave us her signature DIAO O.o" look. "what are you all doing?" rahhs our mentor is so amusing :D

#3. tuition is the new yoga. seriously, it's very therapeutic ! after tuition, you feel all brilliant and hardworking and productive -beams. cos you've done so much more work than you've ever done in a single math lesson or study session at home (: plus, if you have my tutor, you get tons of free food. just fried my brain solving nonstop trigonometrical functions for two hours, and i felt so accomplished when i came home. i was like YAY my brain feels tired, which means i've used it enough! it's the same feeling you get after spending 4-5 hours in front of your computer typing out your almost totally unplanned commonwealth essay. it's like, i've done something productive, i've done work! i think there's a little workaholic in every one of us (x

comics to finish reading:
1. magister negi magi #3 (twinn)
2. batman: no man's land #2 (shakira)
3. cathy (library)
4. mar#12 in a few days' time! :D

cds to watch:
1. 16 episodes of bleach (shakira)
2. fma the movie (hopefully wenting)
3. brokeback mountain (twinn's classmate)
4. american pie (depends)

books to read:
1. freakonomics (in bookshelf)
2. velocity (celeste, maybe? alternatively, borders)

oh no churen's online, he's gonna ask me for the brokeback mountain cd which i forgot to ask for again :/ daddy got me the brothers grimm and corpse bride dvd as promised, finally. so i can watch them both soon (: shall go compile that shockingly fascinating bio powerpoint on male sterilization vs female sterilization. jiaying helpfully found us pictures and a whole video of the vasectomy process :D

HAPPY CNY!

2006-02-01T18:00:00.000+08:00

you know we could stay like this, just like this, always.

no prizes for guessing where that line's from ! :D ohman i just realised after watching the trailer for the 2nd time that i misquoted lines ): it's actually "i wish i knew how to quit you", not "i wish that i could quit you". and JACK said it, not ennis. eeee how am i supposed to know la, the trailer showed ennis when the voiceover came what :/ i was reading the story online then when i got to that line i was like "oh shit". nyahhs. anyway, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! a bit late, but it's still chi new year after all. it's supposed ta last for a full 15 days, which means every married person i meet within the next... 11 days will hafta give me angpao! JOY. i alrd collected 700 over rahhs yay 100 more than last year (: tis the season to collect money!

but i think what jessie said was true, somehow you don't really feel the festive mood this year. is it cos we're growing older? i rmbr when i was younger i used to play street soccer with my cousins in that cul-de-sac cos my mom's relatives occupy the whole street la. but now we just go from one house to another to bainian, the younger kids don't even come, and the older cousins just don't talk to each other anymore. i mean, the only thing i said to my cousin on the first day was "happy new year!" then he smile i smile, then both go back to our seats and start smsing. the food's really good though! it's seriously the season to get fat ): eating in restaurants every night, and bingeing on new year goodies at people's houses. my aunt got me chanel & sothys eyeshadow! plus bourjois blusher, ~~even though i don't use blusher atall~~. omg i love her, she's like my cosmetics supplier or smth :D

ohman i just realised after reading siti's blog that yamakasi2 is out and i haven't watched it yet! the horror ): rhea, sam and i watched i not stupid 2 last friday though, after cny celebration. haha cos cellie gave up her ticket so sam got to watch FREE (x rhea and i were browsing at borders before the movie, and we came up with a new personalised list of books that we absolutely MUST have :D

1. velocity by dean koontz
2. be careful what you wish for by alexandra potter
3. making up your mind by jill mansell
4. beyond the blonde by kathleen flynn-hui
5. vanishing acts by jodi picoult

admittedly, half of that is chicklit but velocity isn't! oh wait, i forgot cell by stephen king but that isn't exactly on our list so, oh well. i want velocity! it's damn cool, it's an unconventional thriller about this man who keeps getting notes which force him to make decisions about who dies next. like for example, the killer sends him a note which says "if you call the police, an old granny dies. if you don't call the police, a pretty blonde schoolteacher dies" and scenarios like that. i NEED that book! and i bought daddy freakonomics but i haven't read it yet, no time ): must make it a point to finish that one.

i will NOT list out all the outstanding homework i have left.

"i wish that i could quit you." -ennis del mar

2006-01-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

"i wish that i could quit you."
-ennis (heath ledger), brokeback mountain

OMG THE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN TRAILER IS SO MOVING. i watched it and by the end of the trailer, i was totally crying alrd. not the tears-in-my-eyes kind of crying but the cover-mouth-and-stifle-sobs kind of crying. the whole thing just tears your heart into a million pieces, seriously, and you wonder how any human being alive could actually want to break two people that much in love with each other apart. it's disturbing how our society wrecks the lives of individuals just to conform to some twisted status quo? i mean, it's their lives so why don't you just let them be together?! who cares about a traditional family being the nuclear unit of an institution or society if they're not happy being together? i think the two men's marriages in brokeback mountain were seriously tragic, there's really no other way to describe them. i don't think they loved their wives even half as much as they loved each other, but they had to get married in order to cover up. i think i started tearing at the part when jake gyllenhaal was driving away and he looked back at heath ledger in the rearview mirror, and when he was out of sight ledger ran into the alley and broke down ): then i totally burst into tears at the part when they were both on the mountain and ennis just hugged the other guy and went "i wish that i could quit you." OMG OMG ! and then another scene where jake was like "i wish we could stay like this forever." it reminds you that in the outside world, they have to hide. in the outside world, they can never be together. AHHH )): it's heartbreaking la ! when i actually do watch it, i'll probably start sobbing in the cinema or smth. especially when (major spoiler!) one of them dies at the end??! HOW CAN IT NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING? omg noooo. oh oh, and before i forget, the link to the website where you can watch the trailer is www.brokebackmountain.com.

heath ledger is so disturbing as ennis! you can feel the suppressed feelings and frustration radiating from him ! ): i shall add him to my list of favourite actors :D

tell me what it is,
that keeps us from each other now

oh, i am young but but i have aged.

2006-01-24T21:54:00.000+08:00

oh i am young but i have aged,
waited long to seize the day
all things said and plenty done,
life's too short

yessss, i finally finished my assignment three ! it's hard to explain, but you get this rush of satisfaction - the sense of achievement - when you complete smth (: or maybe it's just the rp brainwash talking. val, belle, krystal, sam and i were all crapping up typical rp lingo today for chinese group reflections on the gay debate ystd. that's right, we had a debate on gay marriages yesterday! in CHINESE. eat your hearts out, people :D proposition was so much easier than opposition please, we just had ta use chim chinese terms to argue that you shouldn't keep people from loving each other, shouldn't force them to conform to your own ideas of convention, shouldn't treat marriage as a vehicle for bearing children, etc etc. i seriously don't think aids is a valid argument against gay marriage? in fact it can be used as an argument FOR, simply because married gays are less likely to engage in casual sex and transmit aids, see? honestly, people nowadays -tsks.

i burnt myself in the chem lab again, today. but this time it wasn't a serious external burn like the one in sec two, it's more like an internal burn. according to jkoh, the heat travels inside so that's what causes the excruciating pain ): i had to keep rushing up and down to the chem lab during chinese to get more "custom-made ice packs" from mr ali. mr ali rocks ! and so does the other lab tech guy :D they were both so nice luh, providing me with unlimited supplies of small ziplocks and cubes of ice to stuff them with. then the lab uncle was so cute, he couldn't recognise me so he thought that three different people asked for ice packs? LOL. i think jkoh was super nice about it also, she actually accompanied me inside and told the lab techs to get me a small plastic bag to use as a makeshift ice pack (:

going back to that math assignment, i think my last graph looks so rockadelic please ! it's extremely smooth and everything, and i drew it free-hand okay :D ~~even though ms ko said not to.~~ ohwell. it's a good thing i'm finally fairly accustomed to drawing cumulative frequency curves now, or else i'd probably freak out. i actually called celeste at eleven last night and started sobbing to her cos i felt so lost about the stupid cumulative frequency curves ): thanks, cellie! you rock (: and then today cwl showed us this super amusing video for bio on sexual reproduction? omg hilarious la, addy cracked up at like almost everything and then when i heard her laughing across the classroom i couldn't help laughing as well? and the whole class was in an uproar, cos it was so very err graphic. and corny as well. i mean, using a woman on a float in the middle of a swimming pool and multiple guys swimming towards her from all directions as an analogy for sperm and egg model? LOL?!

oh yay, brokeback mountain isn't banned in singapore! shall find someway to watch it. hoho isaac amuses me, he "booked" me to watch with him luh then i told him that booked sounds like prefect booking. stupid churen la, his school doesn't have prefects ): brokeback mountain, here we come ! :D

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. gay hotness (:

2006-01-20T20:31:00.000+08:00

dream of better lives, the kind which never hate
trapped in a state of imaginary grace
i made a pilgrimage to save this human race
never comprehending a race that's long gone by

i'll stop the world and melt with you ! drama prac today, liu hui and i basically slacked arnd and made comparisons between certain people and our relief chi teacher (who sounds like a bullet train by the way). they're pretty similar you know! :D ohmy, thn we spent practically the whole two hours discussing random stuff like touching, beautiful gay movies and how to sneak into r21 cinemas. we're inventive people, and so are eleanor and ada! i think we thoroughly polluted poor eunice (: thn in the end liu hui and i decided to buy the dvd and watch at home, if all else fails that is -grins.

here's my list of must-see movies:
1. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN! (the touching gay romance)
2. casanova
3. the new world
4. hoodwinked :D
5. memoirs of a geisha
6. munich (revenge killings, etc.)
7. mrs. henderson presents (highly amusing)
8. match point (okfine, i only want to see jonathan rhys-meyers again)
9. the bees something something (i saw the trailer, forgot the title)

brokeback mountain ! omg the movie poster looks way HAWT, i have a feeling everyone is gonna find a way to watch. hoho and btw half ~~or more~~ of the above movies are at least m18. man, i should really start getting to know more jc2 people, then they can help me buy tickets (: brokeback mountain is so sad at the end, i have a feeling i'll cry nonstop when (warning: major spoiler ahead) one of the lover cowboys dies. i will seriously sob, the whole thing is so heart-rending ):

we should all be queer friendly!

i'm finding it harder and harder to breathe everytime we're here,
my beautiful woman
anything you want me to do, i'll do

days of laughter days of joy

2006-01-19T20:57:00.000+08:00

you're a part of me now,
caught by the taste of your kiss

oh man ! i think i'm falling in love with bsb all over again. i finally got back my com so the first thing i did was to transfer all the bsb songs addy recommended onto my mp3, and they ROCK (: now i'm climbing the walls cos i miss, i miss you. it's the way they sing like they're singing to you, it's so sweet. baby here i am, bangin' on your front door, my pride spilt on the floor. my hands and knees are bruised, and i'm crawling back to you. begging for a second chance, are you gonna let me in? i was running from the truth, and now i'm crawling back to you. OMG LA -swoons. now i know why addy likes them so much! haha.

haven't blogged for like a week cos we were renovating the floor so the com was unplugged and we stayed at the other house. anyway, i seem to have been laughing a LOT these past few days. first was when i was out with twinn and fei at plaza sing and then i started cracking all these stupid lame jokes that absolutely reek of celeste XD i think i drove fei nuts, cos at one point she had this totally cannot-tahan face. hoho blame cellie for her influence la, tsks. and thn when twinn and i were on the bus there was this sec one boy sitting in front of us and he kept nodding off and leaning towards the man sitting next to him's shoulder. HAHA then that man kept trying to shift his shoulder away without waking up the boy, and he didn't want to make a spectacle so he only moved his shoulder and it seriously looked like he was having spasms ! omg so amusing. so i was laughing hysterically and trying to stop myself laughing (which of course made it worse), and twinn being twinn didn't know what was so funny until i typed it out on her handphone :D

haha then today was even funnier, cos siti was telling us some scene from american pie before english. it was the apple pie scene, damn funny :D rahhh thn when siti got to the end, we all burst out laughing hysterically la and i totally didn't realise that the relief teacher had arrived in class, so in the midst of all our laughter i just had to go and repeat siti's last phrase, which just so happened to be "FUCKING THE APPLE PIE!" x/ ohman that siti spotted the tchr and started whacking me rlly hard while laughing her head off, and we couldn't stop laughing cos everyone realised that i just swore in front of our new relief teacher and for some reason it was incredibly amusing. roar, all your fault la sushi; if you hadn't said it i wouldn't have repeated it XD if you lived in iraq, they'd stone you for watching such graphic movies. tskks :D

i think i'm gonna change my blog skin, like finally. oh joy, chinese new year comes. quoting siti (or alternatively, macbeth), a drum, a drum, new year doth come :D

there's nothing you and i won't do;
i'll stop the world and melt with you.

falloutboy,FATOUTGIRL.

2006-01-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

to the love i left my conscience pressed
through the keyhole i watched you dress
kiss and tell; loose lips sink ships

latest musicmania addiction : fall out boy. haha mainly songs from under the cork tree; my current playlist consists of saturday, pretty in punk, a little less than sixteen candles a little more touch me, get busy living or get busy dying, xo, dance dance, etc. plus shine by mr.big (the hellsing ending theme), melt with you by bowling for soup, and a few old school of rock songs. i'll teach you a lesson for keeping secrets from me. that was from "my heart is the worst kind of weapon", ugh see the extent of my addiction :/ i want melissa by porno graffiti, the inerable sin by nana kitade and ready steady go by l'arc en ciel, from the fma soundtrack. full metal alchemist owns! (: oh oh and i must recommend the hellsing opening theme, it's called world without logos :D absolute epitome of hotness.

the word "hotness" reminds me of how thiock kept going "degree of hotness" during physics today and kim kept mouthing "bimbo speak" to me across the aisle. haha he lives up to expectations indeed, for the first physics lesson of the year. it's about as amusing as physics can get i guess, and his wry humour and spelling errors make it so much more entertaining :D "sooo, it all BOILS down to hot? or not." boils down, get it? then he flashed pics of jay chou to illustrate the concept of how some of us might find sth hot while the rest may not. aha then he was like "personally, i find the camera hotter." (jay chou was holding a camera). nyaah i agree XD

took height and weight today! horrors, i put on weight ): have resorted to surfing msn diet&nutrition for quick-fix diet techniques. turns out that we shouldn't be eating rice at night, and that we should eat three meals a day but only high-protein foods for lunch. gaaah then there was some nonsense about ordering from the salad, soups and appetiser section of the menu if you eat out. in what skewed way is salad high-protein food? omg these online things befuddle me. it sucks having to watch your diet when you're only fifteen and technically don't have to worry about the old "a moment on the lips, a liftetime on the hips" adage. HAH! i starved myself three months last june and only lost 4kg, which hardly makes a significant difference right now if i put it on again :/ ah but cheryl/jessie or someone claims it's muscle, and maybe it really is muscle cos i put on 2kg of muscle mass after church camp. i know it's muscle cos we ran around so much that i couldn't walk when i came home (strained thigh/calf muscles and twisted both ankles, lucky me) and i barely ate at all, just ask weiwen or bernice :/ AHHHH OMG i am confused, so is it muscle or not 0.o i would ask people if i put on weight again after i lost weight last year, but how do i know everyone's not lying? ):

oh shit, this stupid weight thing is driving me nuts.

i've been dying to tell you
anything you wanna hear,
cos that's just who i am this week.

w.o.w., contacts.

2006-01-07T20:40:00.000+08:00

you're so lucky, lucky
you're so lucky!
do you, do you do you wanna?

haha omg i love that song, it's so cute! and now i know, now i know, now i know that it's youuuuuu. yay i'm getting so much better at putting on and taking out my contacts! the first time i tried to take them out, i spent like hours poking at my eyeball until it was all red ): but after you've taken them out once, you kinda register that you can't poke, and there's this proper gripping method that i got the hang of after that first time (: and now i can take them out at first try! my eyes don't even feel irritated! haha i am overjoyed :D but i still need a few tries to put them in though, the good thing is that once i've put one lens in it's way easier for the other eye. went to church today, yay manfred rocks he gave me his WoW trial cd! but can only play for ten days, haha i think i will like get addicted then i'll start bugging my parents to buy me the full game. damn ex la, 80 dollars per game. but i'm not sure if it's that much every time u go buy a new gamecard. i hope not :/

i have resolved to study regularly this year! it's one of my new yr resolutions (: and i just realised that i can borrow my parents' cool shades now that i've got contacts. dad's are cooler but they're way too big for me :/ new keyboard and new handphone, fwaah still trying to get used to typing on them.

random footnote : taking out contacts is WAY easier than putting them in :/ but once u get the hang of it, both of them are okay la.

ohmy. blaaaarghhh.

2006-01-03T17:42:00.000+08:00

don't waste your time on me,
you're already the voice inside my head.

life is confusing at times. sometimes out of nowhere, this black string dangles in front of you and it's tied to a really nice shiny red apple. then you feel yourself struggle to stay on the path you're walking on; you feel yourself struggle to literally drag your feet back to where they were; you feel yourself struggle to stop your hands from reaching out, even halfway, to that big bright apple. because you know it's poison.

oh my, two posts in an hour.

what's my age again?

2006-01-03T16:38:00.000+08:00

fate fell short this time,
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine,
i'll leave when i wanna.

twinn got me the blink182 greatest hits cd! omg i love my twinn (: haha i guess it's cos i kept mentioning to her that i intended to buy it but didn't dare, in case someone bought it as a birthday present. fwah and she DID! hoho twinns have telepathy, thts how she knows noone got it for me :D now i'm hung up on old blink182 songs. hello there, the angel from my nightmare; the shadow in the background of the morgue. don't you just love punk at its most classic -grins.

it's only been one day, and already everything at school starts becoming so familiar again. maybe cos we're all so used to it by now that despite two months of absence, a single day can bring it all back again. but this year's gonna be different, i know (: be my escape. anyway, it's all coming back now. jkoh's sitting on the teachers table and clapping her hands, celeste's lame jokes (though not her newly rebonded hair), twinn's "TWINN! you're hurting my deaf ear! -runs and hides behind cellie", rhea's wacky anecdotes and fashion sense, athena's "oh my gaaaaad", arie's dove cream shampoo hair and so much more. i'll miss this place when we leave ): despite all the late nights, the cramming, the pts, the tests, and some random ever-absent jigglypuffs (x

rahhhs i am lit rep this year!, once again. once a lit rep, always a lit rep (: i hope ms liao is nice, or else i'd have volunteered myself for torture 101. talk about digging your own grave :/ oooh blink182's first date is amusing. oh oh, a new takoball stall opened at bkt panjang! shall go buy with twinn after school tmr (:

my dad is so cute! haha he smsed me to tell me that he's on page 60 of the U magazine. and then he's gonna be in the iS like dunno when, cos the reporter just interviewed him last week. woots daddy is a celebrity (: he must be happy now that i've posted it big big on my blog that MY DADDY IS IN THE U MAG AND I.S. MAGAZINE! omg i am so filial :D

i'm ripe with things to say,
the words rot and fall away

BOXING day.

2005-12-26T19:33:00.000+08:00

MERRY BOXING DAY! (:

i'm having difficulty typing this entry cos daddy just came back frm the (men's) toyshop with a new keyboard and this thing is miniature. i just typed that three times cos i kept pressing fn instead of ctrl ): ah but at least this one isn't awful filthy like my old keyboard, it was OLD :X christmas is harvest time! thank you, all you wonderful people who gave me presentsssss :D i got all kindsa stuff, haha and many many earrings. i lost count of the number of people who gave me earrings alrd la, not that it's a bad thing of course -grins. my maid was so jealous when she saw the earrings frm chester & nahd cos she said the guys in her village only used to give her chocolates. hurr then when i asked her what was so bad abt chocolates (chocolates are sweet!), she was like "chocolate cheap la, so they buy. earrings very expensive, so they don't want." LOL! my maid amuses me (: and i never knew chocolates were cheap in indonesia, maybe they grew the cocoa plants themselves XD

christmas eve. jessie and i went shopping at ps! haha we bought matching tshirts! sweet right ♥ they're chio, like us :D and they say "love me if you're a millionaire"; you've so gotta love that. and and we bought matching skirts as well, hers is green and mine is blue, but mom won't lemme wear mine cos i'm spposed ta save it for cny ): then we went shopping for presents for ~~ourselves~~ other people at orchard, but when we stepped outside heeren it started POURING! we like ran from building to building? haha it would've been hilarious if we weren't shivering like crazy. then right outside some singtel/m1 store, i decided to be ~~thick-skinned~~ daring and ask some random person if we could share umbrella. hoho then jessie and i stood there going "eh you sure? okay ah, okay ah" all while this guy stepped into the shelter, shook his umbrella, and left. omg the horror luh. but thankfully we spotted this woman so we ran from the shelter to where she was and got soaked. lol she was like "you know after this, you all are gonna be frickin' cold" and i was like "haha yes" (x jessie&i are gonna wear our new funkadelic chio shirts this saturday! haha.

had family christmas dinner in the evening, yay present collection time (: got a new white tote from my aunt :D i'm gonna start a tote collection! hoho who cares if my mom says i have more totes than she did at my age, she has more than twice mine now (x

christmas/ystd. woke up around 7 and rushed like crazy to wrap all my presents and write my cards in the morning, then went for christmas service at church. haha halfway through the sermon, elaine whispered something to me that i thought was very true. i think they rlly do say the same things at christmas service every year (x but service was good yeah, christmas cheer's the best kind of cheer. and i can't wait for watchnight service! God's gonna impact us in the new year :D exchanged presents with like half a dozen people, ahh i feel so bad i didn't buy for some people but then they bought for me :/ it like happens every year, then i can't decide if i wanna buy another day to make it up to them or what, but buying another day seems so awkward cos it's not christmas anymore see. ahwell. twinn! hurry up come back from sentosa and get ure prezzie! celeste too! tsk, you two (: oh and guess who shared with celeste to buy me an adorable stuffed monkey with super long arms? ;D hoho it's hanging off my doorknob scouting for bananas now, pity there aren't any in my room.

bussed to yongjin's house with jessie, yeow, nahd and clio after lunch. fwaah shawn had to pay for me cos ~~i was broke~~ he was nice and generous, not to mention the only one there who wasn't broke. i shall rmbr to commend him to insert-blank-here (: omg we had hilarous fun at yj's house pls! i think we all caught the laugh bug. cos at first vma was on, haha and yeow kept imitating the black rappers ("yo! yo! wassup, YALL!"). then mariah carey came on and her cleavage was spilling all over the place -covers eyes, so yj grabbed these pamphlets from the table and held them over the tv to cover her, err, obscenely exposed regions :/ LOL! then we couldn't stop laughing la because he covered until even her dress straps couldn't be seen so she looked like she wasn't wearing anything? HAHA i know what yj should join when he grows up! the film censorship board :D rahhs then they showed miss teen usa omg lemme tell you, jessie and i had a blast imitating them on the mrt. "hi, i'm whoever, 18, from KAAAAAAN- (leans forward to expose generous amount of cleavage) -SASSSSS (flashes megawatt smile)" and then yj was like "i think some of them need braces" :DD ahaa then we had such fun ~~bitching~~ giving constructive criticism about all the contestants -beams. lol i think yeow totally lost it when yj stood up during the swimsuit/dance part and he didn't know where to put the censors?! HAHAHAHA, funny shit la.

gonna hafta dye my hair back soon, and i wanna go watch whatever new movies are coming out before school starts. the new world would be good (: or maybe the madagascar penguins' christmas caper, hahaha oooh how cute. valiant's grp outing on friday! whoops bernice just told me service is friday, aha must tell jessie to wear matching shirt on fri not sat :D collecting my contacts tmr, i'm damn scared that i'll drop it when i'm trying to put it in la cos according to dad it costs him $4 every time i use my contacts :/ scaaaary. ohwell, off to play sims2 now! shall watch project runway after that. go, austin and kara saun! wendy is a nasty housewife who should've been out long ago.

MALAYSIA, TRULY ASIA (:

2005-12-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

The girl with crimson nails,
and Jesus round her neck

HARVESTTIME! omg omg malaysia is truly shopper's paradise (: more specifically, jb is shopper's paradise. but we only had two days to shop there! and dad refused to go back to the same shopping center twice, so i didn't get to finish shopping at city square ): and we shopped from top floor to first floor so i didn't get to visit mango -cries. just when i spotted the 50% off sign! oh oh, and vollez had like 20-70% discount for like brand name bags? craziness. i got a black greenwich polo club tote. OH JOY, it's just the kind of shiny artificial leather i wanted :D bought an a&f top - like finally - plus another top, one wrapround skirt at the hotel, my long-due straight denim, and accessories (: wanted to get a wallet, but they only had von dutch. one shop had fairly nice wallets but dad forced me to leave after getting the bag :/

I DIDN'T BUY ANY SHOES ): -rants. the horror ):):

never allow girls at a malaysian salon to give you a massage! omg she nearly dislocated my shoulder. thanks to that crazy shit, i've got bruises on both shoulderplates and my shoulders hurt like hell ): oh oh and we picked up one of those comic mags at a newsstand so now i can advise twinn on which manga series she should start collecting (: reservoir chronicle doesn't look too bad, but probably quite hard to find though. nyah maybe you should buy the ryo one, although i don't really know what it's about. some samurai x readalike, i think.

going shopping with jessie chiobu tomorrow! cos i have ~~not~~ finished buying christmas presents :/ the face shop opened a new branch at plaza! I MUST GO SEE (:

If I looked in your eyes
one, two, too many times.

I LOVE RHEA (:

2005-12-16T16:40:00.000+08:00

how long before i get in,
before it starts, before i begin?
how long before you decide,
before i know what it feels like

i feel overwhelmed (: went to collect books today, and rhea passed me my (early) birthday present! she bought me revlon 2-shade liquid foundation omg and stitch fragrance no9; rhea i love you i love you, you have absolutely no idea how much I LOVE YOU -muahh :D and then mom gave me the chris dior powder compact that my aunt bought for her, cos (get this) my mother doesn't use powder atall. oh yay and it's better than my current one cos my current one doesn't have a mirror :/ now all thts left is mascara/curler and dark-toned eyeshadow (cos that old shiseido one doesn't count), after i get my contacts (: but dad won't allow me to wear them at school, rahh so we're getting dailies.

had ~~fricking~~ very violent allergy reaction just this morning, eldred finds it amusing ): ack but it's not funny atall okay, not when you spend 15 mins emptying your breakfast into the toilet bowl. and i'm not even sure it was only my breakfast, because what i ate would barely have lasted 5 mins. i can't believe one tiny sesame biscuit could trigger such a response from my system; it must have been concentrated with nuts ):

where to, where do i go?
if you never try, then you'll never know.

don't let it go to your head-fefe dobson.

2005-12-15T14:31:00.000+08:00

Don't let it go to your head

So what if I came clean
And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said
Baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name
Cause you're always on my brain
In a heart, I paint it crimson red
Baby don't let it go to your head

Don't be getting any big ideas
Let me make it clear

[Chorus:]
Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head

So what if I want to kiss
From your toes up to your lips
It don't mean that you've had me yet
You're gonna be good, I bet

I'm the one whose in control here
Let me make it clear

Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head

Ohhhhh
Don't let it go to your head
Ohhhhh

I had a porcelain doll
I held on to it so tightly
But when it broke, I swore
I'd never hold on to something that tightly again
Don't let it go to your head
Oh, no [oh, no]

Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
Don't let it go to your head

Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyes [ohh]
One, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head [ohh]
Don't let it go to your head [ohh]
Don't let it go to your head [don't let it, don't let it]
Don't let it go to your head [ohh]

My playlist consists mainly of kelly clarkson, goo goo dolls, robbie williams, the click five and coldplay at the moment, so this is a welcome change (: The tatu music video rocks! It's all about us, all about us. It's supremely queer friendly :D

INFUSED 2005!

2005-12-12T15:09:00.000+08:00

And this life sentence that I'm serving,
I admit that I'm every bit deserving,
but the beauty of grace is that
it makes life not fair.

came back from church camp on fri but couldn't blog till now cos my broadband was down. church camp rocked! INFUSED 2005 (: you could rlly feel the presence of God and i've never cried that much in 4 days before :X yeah and alot of us made major decisions, so to _____ & ______ i'll be praying for you! and i have been already yeah, so don't worry (: oh man and the service on forgiving was really really powerful, cos this sec two guy was the first one to get up and then i saw saac stand up too? and they both went to the back and hugged?! i was gonna cry alrd la, it was that touching. bleah i didn't dare to get up at first when the pastor was like "go find one person you've been holding a grudge against" and i kept going "oh no oh no i don't dare" fwah i think bernice thought i was crazy and she kept asking "is it your cellmate? is it your sectionmate?" :/ ohwell then in the end i did luh, it was actly qte funny cos the person was only sitting one seat away frm me? lol so i just tapped the girl nxt to me on the shoulder and went "um excuse me, could i change seats with you, sorry" haha then i think she knew so she just stood up and swopped seats. yup and it went qte well! err but it was qte maluating cos i kept crying throughout? omg i was horrified cos i alrd thought of what to say and i was trying so hard to say it but then i kept bursting into tears ): and i couldn't stop! AHHHHH.

yup and all the services were so powerful; the worship was the best :D Jesus take me in Your hands, and make me all that You want me to be. ((: and i'm really glad rachel and i settled things! haha i went up to hug her after one of the worship sessions. oh oh and there was this thanking thing right after the forgiving part where we had to look for was it 3 or 5 people that we felt had touched our lives. isaac didn't even need to move la please! tsk swamped by girls -stares at churen. and none of us dared to hug eldred cos his shirt had white stuff on it o.O haha but besides tht we basically went arnd hugging ppl, cellie janny and i had a GROUP HUG lol ~~and i nearly suffocated~~ :D yj kor is funny, he shakes hands with you halfway then pull you in and hug one fwaha neither here nor there. hurr then melanie saw me hug churen and then she was like me too! and she hugged him too? ~~i bet he was delighted. :D~~

yep and during one of the altar calls, bro cy came up to pray for me and i was like wondering why cos he's not in charge of our section la. but then it was actly cos he had a vision for me and it's rlly accurate ((: at first i didn't know what he was talking abt, but then i realised he was talking abt smth that's been bothering me for a long time? yeah so GOD WILL DELIVER ME :D yay! aha i think i'm like addicted to relient k right now (:

I fought You for so long

I should have let You in

Oh, how we regret those things we do

And all I was trying to do was save my own skin

But so were You

So were You

sum41- heart attack <3

2005-12-01T10:46:00.000+08:00

sum 41 - heart attack <3

last night was so FUN! after the prayer meet at church, all 20-over of us bussed to bkt timah plaza for pizza :D then we had to split up two tables of 12 and 10. the more the merrier! fwaha sarah, jessie, celeste and i ordered that jolly fiesta 4 pax meal and the guys are like not indecisive atall?! we finished our soup and they still hadn't ordered yet. so we decided to be nice and show them the $8.95 pasta meal, but justin err bit it so none of them rlly dared to touch it in the end :/ oh and the 6 of them at our table ordered one large one regular, but after they finished the first regular another one came. HAHA then they ~~assumed~~ ~~wished~~ thought the staff so nice to give them free pizza, so they just consumed the whole thing (with chester covering his face cos jessie was there and jessie is his CELL LEADER nyaha). dishonesty is a sin! -laughs head off. with consequences, that is. and as it turned out, the pizza was actually supposed to be for daniel yeow, joshua, eldred, and samuel from the next table so shawn&co had to pay them back! hahaha then sarah jessie celeste and i laughed our heads off cos they were so funny. we're sadistic, and we torture flies :D celeste found a dead fly and we all saw a different side of jessie (gasp), she kept insisting that we hide it in the salad and feed it to the guys o.O then celeste suddenly developed a fondness for the fly so she hid it in a straw and wldn't give it to us! BAD cellie. and then melanie stole it and dropped it in isaac's lasagne, like AFTER i koped from him see so i DIDN'T happen to eat it. okay fine it dropped on the floor, ~~but that's not what we told saac~~.

pride & prejudice is out! or coming out, anyway. and luckily darcy looks so much cooler in trailers than in screenshots! omg the images i have of him make him look like a stuffed turkey. i was like "wtf, that's darcy?!" i must must MUST watch ((:

place your hand in mine, i'll leave when i wanna.

l'hopital.

2005-11-21T07:06:00.000+08:00

six hours at the hospital, surviving on one hour plus of sleep (thanks to my grandmother's incessant snoring last night) does not make a happy mel.

thanks elaine and jessie, you guys rock (: and everyone else who prayed as well.

it's amazing how everything can seem alright at one moment, and then something can just creep up on you the next.

we're going down, down
in an earlier round
but sugar we're going down swingin'.

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